Do we misread hostility?

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As another data point, I am very expressive (minimal flat affect) and it still happens, although in my case I am shunned or disregarded rather than confronted (and when I am right, someone else gets credit). My therapist suggests I must solve two problems when working with NTs: the problem on hand and the problem of their ego. ---Who has time to do three times the work?

^^ Apparently, staying aware of everyone's feelings is considered as basic as literacy. Training is ubiquitous, not only in psychology courses. However, it uses up too much brain to allow advanced engineering work. Perhaps your employer should provide an interface helper who can understand both yourself and your colleagues.

So, how are you still getting in trouble? Forgot to use the interface? "I'm sorry, I'll have to get my assistant to format that information to suit you."

I have asked employers if they would be willing to subsidize my tuition toward a Master's degree as a clinical psychologist, but they always say "No, we hired you to be an engineer".  When I ask why they want an engineer to perform the work of a clinical psychologist, they get all uptight and bothered by my "bad attitude".

Then they leave me alone (for a while).[/color]

I know it's often been said that Aspies lack the nonverbal fluency to tell if someone is being subtly hostile with them (like, micro-aggressions, veiled insults, petty put-downs or faint praise, etc.) which can get us into some unpleasant or embarrassing situations...but what about the reverse?? Has your experience been one of detecting some sort of hostility or contempt which wasn't really there?? Sort of like a false positive, rather than a false negative?

In hindsight, I think I've had this a few times... or it's remained ambiguous, i.e. I confronted a fake friend about indirect put-downs or less obvious mean-spirited behaviours... and he denied it, saying I was just being paranoid or that I'd misinterpreted things. On more than one occasion though, this former fake friend / housemate had narcissistic personality traits so it was clear that I was being gaslighted and that my feelings didn't matter.

But I can also recall a couple of times when I'd thought someone was being subtly hostile to me, and their response was something to the effect of "well...sigh...maybe I might come off as somewhat harsh at times, but...you're really not the easiest person to get along with." (and of course, intentions don't matter).

And there were at least a couple of others times where the perception of hostility was misplaced. I didn't abruptly confront them, I brought it up carefully - and then in hindsight realized it wasn't there.

You have to be REALLY careful in confronting someone with such accusations, especially for that "volatile" age group of young males around 17-24, because it could escalate into yelling and violence. Think of that stereotypical meme of the "Chad" who confronts anyone over perceived micro-insults, offending him or his woman, etc..

But I suppose that stems from a lifetime of hypervigilance, and dealing with fairly regular abuse - it's almost like we're waiting for "the other shoe to drop".