"are you ok?"

Post Reply New Topic

I get this question asked of me whenever I feel something very intensely. Like for example, I bite into food that has an awful taste/texture to it, someone scrapes a plate with a fork , or I bump my elbow on something. Until here recently, it really annoyed me when people would ask me if I were okay over something that seemed to be a small fleeting moment. Then I realized that most people don't jump around in circles, and flap their hand for a few seconds when something like that happens. It still annoys a bit that I'm asked that, but at least now I know WHY I'm being asked.

I think a lot of people are embarrassed to admit that there is something wrong, so you'll often see a little battle of wills where someone is obviously upset but unwilling to talk about it, while a friend is equally concerned with finding out so they can help. Something like this:

Are you ok?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Are you sure?
Well, yeah, I'm ok, it's just that........

AS is confusing because people seem upset when they aren't. Even more confusingly, when asked a question, we tell the truth! It might be honest but it goes against the experience that most NTs have, and I think that's the main reason why they get confused.

P.S. The opposite is also true. I've been accused of not caring because when I asked someone if they were ok and they said "Yes", I believed them and didn't ask any more questions!

I'm very often accused of being asked if I am upset when I'm not. An old friend of mine once said to me that she can always tell my emotions because I wear them on my sleeve (meaning it's very obvious to her when I'm mad, happy, sad, etc.). But she was often wrong. I've had lots of people ask me if I'm okay and even persist on asking over and over. I used to do that to people myself, when I thought they weren't giving me an honest answer. But I learned that it isn't a desirable thing to do so I've stopped doing that. I don't like it done to me, so I don't do it to others.

Sometimes I'm asked if I'm okay because of expressions on my face, or lack thereof, and sometimes it's because I'm staring and zoning out. I went somewhere today where I could tell that the lady that waited on me could tell that there is something wrong with me (extreme nervousness and shyness and very adhd) but she treated me with 110% respect. She'll never know how much I appreciated that : )

Perhaps you could find the address and send them a thank you card? If you mention the date that you visited they'll know who was working. That would be really good!

Actually I had a co-worker ask me this just the other day... I don't know what it is that I do sometimes to get these inquiries on my state of mind but...

I had to mentally tell myself: "Do not get irritated!"

I just told him I was fine, but also a bit hungry for lunch and laughed him off.

Of course i cringe after he leaves just from the embarrassment of being questioned like that. I tell myself to pass it off as an NT misinterpreting my signals and let it go...

Generally, I get asked this if I'm wearing my "leave me alone" face, or speaking with my "I don't really want to talk" voice, which is exactly the opposite reaction to the one I want. It actually really annoys me that people still haven't worked out that if they have to ask if I'm okay, then it should be clear that I'm not, and that should be their cue to leave me be.

And yet they still don't. I despair

This happens to me as well. I'm normally very expressive, but I have a feeling that the *way* I show my emotions may not necessarily be like the one most people use. There are times when I'm ultra-hyper and chatter away non-stop as if I were really cheerful, while feeling distressed and strained; and other times when I'm in perfect spirits but it all stays inside, somehow, so that I come across as, at best, serene, or more frequently as serious and even sulky.

There were numerous times when my mother would ask me why I was so dissatisfied, - whether I was sad or I didn't get enough sleep etc., - when in reality I was very peaceful. On a few occasions I remember her asking this while I was actually feeling quite joyful (must have been those times when all the joy appears to remain bottled up inside me and I don't feel the need to show it). Sometimes that question made me angry and I'd snap back at her, saying that she shouldn't use herself as a yardstick to gauge everybody's emotional states, and that, if she happens to always laugh and make jokes when she's happy, it doesn't necessarily mean I should also do it. This always puzzled her.

i have never felt better this last couple of days, hopefully the good times will keep rolling,.

Ernie, I am sooooooooooooooooo proud of you!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! Keep it up! I know you can do it!! !! !!