not real...

Post Reply New Topic

Hmm... I experience depersonalization quite frequently but I don't think my experience fits with the REM theory. I also require quite a lot of nighttime sleep, about 8 or 9 hours for optimal functioning. NTs seem to be able to live just fine on 6 hours and coffee. I can function with 5 or 6 as well, but I'm easily frustrated and fatigued.

2ukenKerl-I pretty much constantly feel like this, but like I wrote, I've adapted my way of thinking around my feeling this, so in a sense it's my normal state.

I remember feeling the same thing as you, but when I was two years old. My first "real" memory was walking into the apartment I live in now, walking in like I was a guest or something, but knowing this was where I had to stay now. For years after I was convinced I must have been adopted, but that isn't possible, since I look like my mum and dad, I have a birth certificate, and photos with them before I was 2, but still the feeling persisted, because I didn't feel quite right, didn't feel like I belonged.

I mean I love my mum, get on spectacular with her, especially as I strongly suspect she has AS too, but I've always felt like she was more entrusted with me, like I was given to her for her to care for, and she's said the same to me, like she never felt like I was really hers, as much as she loves me like a mother.

My body has always not seemed right to me, for so long, I wanted to become mist or something, I find myself unable to understand why it is I'm corporial, and sentient for that matter.

Yeah, a little too often for my liking...

BastetsEye,
Have you read anything about 'Walk-Ins' and 'Wanderers'?

I'm never here [if I'm around people], especially if I'm around people I don't know.

I'm either depersonalized/detached due to anxiety or I'm within my shell (peeking out of my shell induces aforementioned anxiety).

That's very interesting. I get this feeling quite rarely, and usually only when I'm stuck in the Eaton Centre in late December because I spent too much time procrastinating and not enough actually buying Christmas gifts. Something about the crowded mall, lights, etc seems to cause it for me. I could be wrong, but it seems related in some way to that feeling of sensory overload that I often get in similar situations. It's quite a different feeling, but I can't help but think that they are related in some way, at least in my case.

Even more interesting: my son, who is now 14, has this happen from time to time. He tells me that he was very worried for a time that he was 'going crazy'. I that talking with me about it and reading this thread has taken a load off his mind. Thanks, all.

I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. I had a very similar experience. Sometime between the age of 2 and 5 years old I'd say, I have this memory of walking into the living room of this house, which ended up being the house I grew up in, and it was dark but there was light in another room. The light was coming from the dining room and the kitchen. There were these people standing there that were to become my family. Dad, mom, sister, brother. They were cooking spaghetti, which I had never experienced before. I met these people for the first time that night. Or so it seemed. Because of that strange experience, and because my brother always used to tease me that I was adopted, I figured it was true, I was adopted. But like you, I look too much like my parents not to be theirs, but it took about 35 years for me to realize that I did indeed look like them.

I always felt that I had been given to my parents. More so my mom for some reason. I felt like she was my aunt, or some other kind relative, taking care of me. We lacked that bond that I had seen in other families. It's only been in the last few years that I've come to realize that our mother is emotional detached and that it has nothing to do with me. I try not to let it become personal. Funny thing is, when our father was alive, he was TOO dramatic, too emotional. It was like my parents each came from opposite ends of the stick.

My sister had the opportunity to visit our mom last week and weekend and she was telling me how mom is doing. She said "She's still emotionally detached like she's always been." It's validating for me to hear that. Our mom has always had a very stoic face and shows very little emotions. She collected stamps for many years but that seems to be the only thing you could call an obsession. So I doubt that she is AS, but as my sister and I agree, it is SOMETHING.

You are the first person I have ever found that has shared a similar experience as me. Whenever I've tried to talk to anyone about it, they treat me as though I'm being ridiculous for having such memories. What in the world can it be that a small child suddenly feels their existence for the first time and feels they've been given to a family to be taken care of??? I have read that when a child is around two or three, they begin to realize that they are separate beings from their parents and have their own identity. But this night was different... it was as if I had just awoken... had just become alive. Although, I do have some scattered memories from before that time. Unless I have memories I built up from looking at photographs.

I've wondered off and on through the years if I could have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, AKA Multiple Personality Disorder) because of such strange experiences as that night and other things... like being aware that I have a child like personality about me that other people don't seem to have. Being unsure of oneself is frightening. The unknown is scary.

I think that is why I feel so much comfort at this message board, because I identify with almost everyone on here. It's a validation to know that there are others out there like you. Other "aliens" on the wrong planet ; )

Last edited by ChatBrat on 06 Aug 2007, 3:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

ChatBrat- The weird thing is, that day when I was 2 years old I can remember meeting my dad (who has always felt more like a fun uncle, that my father, never was a daddy's girl, momma's girl through and through) but I can't remember when I met my mum, but the bond between us, we bith admit, is intense, sometimes it over whelms us. But then like I said I'm 100% sure that she has AS too.

I have vague impression before that, but there fuzzy and I'm unsure whether or not I just remember these...fuzzes of memory, because other people have told me often enough of things, or said so much "you must remember". The only other memory I have, I've told can be real, but I'm sure I remember being in the womb, and thinking there was a duck in there with me, it's been with me my whole life, obviously if I was in the womb I couldn't know what a duck looks like, nor could there be one in there with me! (although it's possible the placenta could have made the a S like shape that I then late associated with a duck.

I too though I must have DID, or possible have a form of sociopath, I'm glad to know it seem like I have neither, and that this may just be a result of AS.

It's nice to not feel so alone anymore.

Kelsi-What are walk-ins, and wanderers?

Walk-ins

I think this is what is being referred to. *shrugs shoulders*

Re; Walk-ins/wanderers-

I pride myself on having an open mind, but every now and again, an Idea will come along and make my mind slam closed. I'm not so arrogant that I'll say they don't exist, there is so much out tere that I don't or even can't understand, but I just don't believe in that, I've never come across any logical rational evidence which suggest aliens exist, nor do I believe that if there are superior beings, I believe they would interfere, there would be beyond that and would want us to grow at our own rate. Let alone cause others/themselfs, such confusion and/or pain.

sorry.

I just glanced over these pages; haven't read them yet:

http://www.crystalinks.com/walk_ins.html

http://www.greatdreams.com/walkin.htm

Yeah, I do