Peer teasing may be misguided attempt to help

Page 2 of 2 [ 25 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Griff
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Nov 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,312

08 Aug 2007, 10:01 am

0=true, I am pretty sure that there is a difference between bullying and teasing. My mate and I give each other a hard time pretty often, and we regularly exchange playful punches and slaps to the shoulder. It's actually a bonding activity, and I strongly suspect a relationship with vasopressin.



Griff
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Nov 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,312

08 Aug 2007, 10:08 am

0_equals_true wrote:
No is merely highlights that NTs aren't arware that this empathy is infact highly selctive so in fact there is no reason to asume Aspies are not feeling empathy in different situations.
I'm not sure what you mean here. I am aware that some people have peculiar patterns of social bonding, but I'm not entirely certain what you're getting at here.

Quote:
Empathy is still a delusion by definition. You have to think you know what it like for the other person. It is impossible to know for sure.
Well, yes. This is largely a guessing game.

Quote:
People believe they do like Schizotypal.
Oh, this makes me think of a nice lady I met at a roadside gas station. She insisted upon petting my cat, insisting that she had some magical connection with animals. I had to hold the cat pretty tight to keep him from fleeing in terror.

Quote:
But our minds are quite different so you can't expect us to be in the same ball park all the time.
Yes, which is why you get problems as seen in the case of Asperger disorder and so forth.



0_equals_true
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,038
Location: London

08 Aug 2007, 10:27 am

Griff wrote:
0=true, I am pretty sure that there is a difference between bullying and teasing. My mate and I give each other a hard time pretty often, and we regularly exchange playful punches and slaps to the shoulder. It's actually a bonding activity, and I strongly suspect a relationship with vasopressin.

Actually that would imply that verbal teasing could be worse for some people, as punches and slaps are not specifically insults. The question is that there is a context, there is always a context it is always changing. But you might not be aware of it, and if that is read don't think they won't resort to actually bulling. Then you might misread the context and insult someone you are just joking with. Or not do it in the right way.



0_equals_true
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,038
Location: London

08 Aug 2007, 10:39 am

Griff wrote:
0_equals_true wrote:
No is merely highlights that NTs aren't arware that this empathy is infact highly selctive so in fact there is no reason to asume Aspies are not feeling empathy in different situations.
I'm not sure what you mean here. I am aware that some people have peculiar patterns of social bonding, but I'm not entirely certain what you're getting at here.

NTs are deemed empathetic according to them, but in fact there are many situations where empathy could be applied. They are highly selective when they wish to apply empathy, it does have a self serving element to it. What is interesting is people are often, more concerned about whether someone else is applying the correct display empathy rather than empathy itself. Showing empathy for the wrong thing/situation can be a big cultural taboo. Empathy, sympathy, pity are also highly selective in their nature. Advertising companies know this. Humanitarian charities are selective of the images these choose in their campaigns. It isn’t the lack of empathy that bothers people it is the lack of the expected response.



kclark
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 314
Location: NE Illinois

08 Aug 2007, 10:59 am

I react pretty badly to teasing by people I don't know well. Like mild teasing by a few class mates in college when they find out that I had set the curve for the test. I bet at least a portion of it was intended to get me to lighten up or get me out of my shell.

On the other hand, my brother and I tease each other constantly and I never feel hurt by that. I actually enjoy the exchange of playful taunts and teases.
I also can tease and be teased by my best friend whom I have known since 7th grade. I am able to be at ease around him like I am around my family and know that any teases from him are good natured and friendly. His brother however I have to be more aware of.

With strangers I don't have the knowledge that my friend doesn't want to hurt me and have no reason to guess that it is anything other than a hurtful jab. I can't even trust the, 'just kidding' that usually comes shortly afterward. Often I think that is said to save face with others around when I don't react how they expect me to. Maybe I am just being to pessimistic about it all.



Griff
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Nov 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,312

08 Aug 2007, 11:33 am

Well, I don't imagine it would always be intentionally good-natured. Take, for example, two boys getting into a fist fight on the playground. They may often become best friends later, but this hardly means that punching someone in the eye means "I love you." It just sometimes has the unintended result of establishing bonds. The fighting and squabbling between siblings isn't always good-natured, but you still see them sticking up for each other when their interests are aligned. To all appearances, vasopressin has a dual effect: friendship toward 'allies' and hostility toward 'rivals.'



MrMacPhisto
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 May 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,187
Location: Chatham

09 Aug 2007, 5:00 am

Teasing is all part of fun. I always had fun at school doing that to people especially other people with AS but it would never be intended to hurt anyone it's all part of life teasing sometimes I can take sometimes I can't it always depends on what mood I'm in.



girl7000
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 659
Location: Somewhere in the Atlantic

09 Aug 2007, 7:11 am

If people find teasing fun, then good for them.

But personally I think teasing - particularly teasing that is clearly unwanted is just an attempt to legitimise bullying.

As an autistic person, I thoroughly resent the idea that I should have to change to learn to cope with teasing.

I have just as much right to be on this planet as NTs, so I expect them to respect this and to not tease me if I have made it clear that this is unwanted and I find it unpleasant.
I'm fed up of the idea that autistic people are the ones that need to change. I think NTs should make some changes to accommodate and accept US!



unnamed
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 458

09 Aug 2007, 10:51 am

There's always an element of hostility and disapproval behind teasing, or it wouldn't occur.