my grief

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I would not describe A Troubled Resting Place as "beautiful". I find the music unsettled except when I am also unsettled; when I am unsettled the music seems right.

If you think the music sounds beautiful then please rest and do something that will take your mind elsewhere for awhile.

I hope you feel better soon.

How awful, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel a bit comforted by us, your internet friends. I know what it's like to have no friends.

Thank you Mr. Pho.

I don't know what you mean by, ",,,build some tolerance to my feelings..." That makes no sense to me but I appreciate the sentiment. Thank you.

Thank you so much

Thank you so much. It has been a difficult year for you . 2016 was the hardest year for me. We lost ten loved ones in 2016 so I can relate to what your year might be like. It's fascinating how people tend to go in groups. It is so difficult when you lose many people close together. I am so sorry for your losses as well. I understand how you might be feeling. I am here for you as well.

Last edited by skibum on 02 Jul 2023, 5:15 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Thank you so much.

Thank you so much Bee. You are so right. People who don't feel as intensely as we do have no idea how deeply we feel. It's such a powerful understanding. I wish we could express the depths of our emotions so that people could understand. I think they might be much more empathetic and kind if they did.

I am not sure what you mean when you say that if I think the music you posted is beautiful that I should rest and do something that would take my mind elsewhere. I don't understand the correlation between those two things. I am a musician. I can find beauty in all kinds of music even if the music is "unsettled." I can appreciate the musical aspects of it which show tremendous skill and I find beauty in that even if it's not a melody that I would choose to listen to. So I don't understand why if I can find beauty in it, you think that that means that I should please rest and do something to take my mind elsewhere. No value judgment here, just trying to understand what you mean and what you are trying to tell me.

I am so grateful for you guys. You really are good friends. Thank you so much. I am grateful to have you. It really helps so much.

OK. I am not a musician and I have limited range in my music taste. You are better qualified to appreciate the music at a level that could be lost on me.

For me, A Troubled Resting Place sounds, well, Troubled. If I am not personally troubled then my mood and its mood are at odds with each other if I listen to it. But if I am personally troubled then its troubled music makes a good resting place for me. Continuing from that (possibly incorrect) frame of reference, then your comfort with A Troubled Resting Place implies to me that you are likely personally troubled (um...like you said in the first post) so it fits your mood.

When I'm in a good mood I would like classical (typically dramatic) music but I tend to avoid it because it absorbs my complete attention. Good concerts, though!

And the other stuff I listen to is some types of New Age. Usually Ambient ^{also called "Space"} or Trance. It is what I listen to when I want to do other things in addition to having the music on.

I save A Troubled Resting Place for when my mind is troubled.

Oh, I see what you mean. That makes a lot of sense. It is really fascinating for me to understand how your mind actually works. I think that's actually amazing. You and I, our minds work very differently. You seem to listen to music that matches your mood, I actually don't do that. The music I listen to helps me to regulate my neurological functioning. It actually really affects my ability to actually function kind of like a medication might.

I like different styles of music and I can appreciate every style of music even if it's a type of music that my brain cannot process and that can actually make me go into shock and stop breathing and die. There are types of music that can do that to me because of the extreme nature of my sensory processing disorder. But even still, I can musically appreciate them from a skills point of view. I don't have to like something to be able to see the value of the skills involved in creating it and to understand that other people can really resonate in it and find whatever they need in it to help them. That is the beauty of it. I just ask that people use headsets like I do because even if their music helps them, it can really hurt other people who might not be able to neurologically process that music and put their health and lives at risk. And it's just rude to force others to hear what you want to listen to. I respect that people should listen to whatever they want to but they have to respect the rights of others to not have to be forced to hear it.

But for me, there are kinds of music that are actually medicinal. They tie into my energy fields and they literally help me to align myself energetically in ways that make it possible for me to function especially when dealing with certain types of stresses. For example, this particular Andrea Bocelli song, has been playing in my headset literally nonstop for over twenty four hours now. I am also a classical vocalist so I really relate to this kind of music. It really speaks to me very deeply. But there have been times when I have had to play a song or an album literally nonstop 24/7 for over a month just so that I could function. One of those times, it was Kenny Loggins Return to Pooh Corner album.

The music that helps me is always going to be calm and very lyrical and with accord rather than discord. There are certain kinds of music that I absolutely cannot listen at all because the neurological response could be life threatening.

I think it is so fascinating how we differ in how music affects us. Thank you so much for sharing how it affects and helps you. I love learning how we are different as well as how we are similar.

Feel sorry for my bride...

When I was still working and at my employer's office I of course used headphones.

When I was working from home, however, my office was two floors away from my bride's office so I could loop my music loudly and without headphones. She used to think it was odd that I would loop (loudly) Koyanisqatsi but it captured my mood: life out of balance. And once when I was looping Steve Roach's On This Planet she stuck her head into my office's door and asked "what is that CD are you listening to?" I answered On This Planet and she immediately asked on which planet?!

But, it's OK. Some of her music preferences turn me off. Fortunately there is some overlap.

It sounds like you and her have broader musical interests than I do.

The other thing about being ASD is that no one sees us grieving. I can be totally undone, but if I say so to someone, they will say that I don’t look upset.

That part makes the alone-ness worse.

Again, sorry for your loss and I hope the responses here have helped.

OMG, You are SO RIGHT about that. It's so true and it makes things so hard. Thank you so much.

Oh god that is so frustrating and annoying isn't it! No one seems to notice any of my emotions, I've literally been about to fall apart and they didn't notice. It's like they can't put two and two together e.g. someone running out of the door, or beckoning for help, but they just stare like morons.