Eye contact - NT vs ND

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There's a popular youtube channel about a lesbian couple and their teen autistic son, who's the bio son of one of the women. He's very goodlooking and this is one reason they have so many subscribers. The boy is non-verbal, and his bio mother said that he communicates by eye contact. There's video of him holding someone's face in his hands and staring into their eyes. She said he'll do this with people he newly meets. I don't recall the account name.

I definitely have issues with eye contact.
It is normal for neurotypicals to maintain eye contact (where both are looking at the other's eyes at the same time) for a period of time and then break eye contact for a bit. They alternate eye contact with no eye contact throughout the conversation, instinctively knowing the timing for both parties to feel comfortable.

I can look at someone's eyes while they are talking and not looking at mine. But the moment they move their eyes to mine I have to look away. It is my instinct to look away the moment they try to make eye contact with me. If I don't I feel very uncomfortable, like they are peering deep into my soul and can see my awkwardness amplified through my eyes and are judging me for it. I feel judged for eye contact, like I'm doing it wrong and they are at any moment going to write me off for it and never talk to me again.

I have become better at maintaining eye contact as I've gotten older but I still have no idea how it is perceived by NTs. I might just think I'm better and in reality I'm making NTs very uncomfortable because I don't really know how to fake it well.

I can do it very briefly. If I force myself to look in someone's eyes I can feel my brain recoiling. It's almost a physical sensation of my brain being grabbed and twisted. Hence I don't do it much.