As A Child... ?

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The reverse was true for me. Do you think I'm a freak?

My parents say that as a baby I hated being cuddled, & I am still not at all a "huggy" kind of person though I can tolerate it now if I really have to. I know some of my friends find this pretty hurtful though as it must be obvious I don't actually like it!

As a younger child I got all, and I mean all, my self-esteem from being "the brainy one" in class. As long as I remained way ahead of everyone else, I was happy. I was always at least two books ahead of the others in Maths, and could already read fluently before I even went to school (though on my first day at 5 years old I vividly remember asking my teacher what the word "partition" meant in my Maths book).

I had a best friend outside of school who lived near me, who I hung out with all the time when I was not at home, and my parents tried to get me to make other friends, but I never really related to any of the other children at all.

Unfortunately she was in a higher class at school (she was a year older) and didn't even acknowledge my existence when we were there. I suppose I just accepted that was how it was. When I got to about 8 or 9 I started to speak to some of the other "misfits" but I wouldn't say we were ever really "friends" as such, they were just people to hang around with at break. (I hated break because there was nothing to do!)

Once I got older and went to secondary school (a year early) I was no longer so far ahead of the others - but I still used to like being the centre of attention in class and I remember being furious at one school report which said I "was too fond of scoring cheap debating points" with my French teacher. (i.e. I always pointed it out every time he made a mistake!)

I was bullied a lot - as well as being "weird," I was a year younger and looked it. I used to carry all my books for the day around in a huge satchel which was nearly as heavy as I was (to avoid having to go to my locker which was where I got bullied the most).

I enjoyed most of my lessons but was useless at art & games. As well as being completely un-coordinated, I could never ever understand how the other children could tolerate being out in the cold for so long. While they were racing around chasing balls, my hands and feet were in absolute agony from the cold and I just wanted to run away indoors. In netball I was terrified of touching the ball in case my hand shattered into a million pieces, while in hockey I would have given anything to have been able to lose my stick & put my hands in my pockets.

The only people who wanted to be friends with me were the other weirdos, or people who felt sorry for me. I remember one "outcast" girl who always insisted on sitting with me in the canteen. Actually as a person she was OK, but I hated being seen with her as I felt it just drew even more of the wrong kind of attention to me. So I did no more than reluctantly tolerate her, although I imagine she really wanted us to be friends.

Other break-times I would usually spend in the library. At least that was allowed, and "safe" because it was supervised.

On the school bus I used to sit at the front (away from the "in-crowd" of smokers at the back) and record bus registration numbers in my notebook, but once I had found out you could buy books of bus registration numbers (so what was the point?) I wrote my stories instead.

I had some sensory issues regarding certain animal sounds as a child, and with textures of certain foods. And I had serious meltdowns between the ages of 5-12. Those are no longer problems for me.

As far as the other classmates, I had some that were difficult to deal with in the 6th and 7th grades. From the 8th grade on, it was the other way around. I was practically a god to the other students. Most of my friends in high school were honor students like me.

By the time I was 11 or 12, my libido had been fully developed. I had no problem attracting women (it was easier then than it is now).

Tim

I knew the nonverbal cues as far as flirting went (one girl who had a crush on me my freshman year of high school even motioned as if she was going to flash her boobs at me in Algebra 1).

Tim

women have never taken to me
they find me wierd and s**t
they really don't warm up to me or ever give me a chance
online yeah but thats because they're not having to sit near me
my libido never came as it were

Yes I would argue and throw tantrums with my Grandmother (who looked after me at home) and my brother must have had a tough time from me.


Yes the playground was my hell!
In Infants I remember having not the slightest concept of the rules for play, kids pinching my bottom, kids stamping on my toes and running away, a mob of them shouting and teasing, dancing round me No they weren't going around me I was spinning, grazed hands and grazed knees, soo much crying.

I can remember being terrified because something said as a joke by an adult was taken seriously by me.

I don't think I did tell on people but I would certainly protest to anyone breaking a rule.

There were few who would play with me and then only occasionally I had one special friend Billy we would do many things together, He taught me to tie my shoelaces (eventually) he could steer me away from trouble with other kids, He taught me to play chess, we went to Junior school many adults thought we were brothers, we would do many things together. He moved away I was alone life was misery I would come home from school and curl up on the living room armchair and cry myself to sleep every day. My granny said he's over tired and also blamed my favourite zoom ice lolly(there was many a tantrum over that; worse she was probably right I know E142 (green) makes me depressed)

OPPS! this is getting depressing and time is ticking on and I told you something of this sunday

Back then I would talk to anyone, usually about space but also whatever else had become my current obsession, Aircraft, Dinosaurs, countries, chess whatever it was at the time but consistently space and science mostly.

Part 2:

We moved I was 10 and was going to be a fresh start.... Nooo it would be a year of hell I am writing about this and when it is finished I think I will post it or a link to it on that schools friends reunited page and let them know what a bunch of (substitute own words here: not very nice people) they were
They used to call me "Ballet Dancer" perhaps something to do with the regular performance of arm flapping and spinning.

I by then had been assessed at least twice and was sent away to a school 200 miles away in the Shropshire countryside this deserves a small book written about it (well actually a large one but I don't think I can write that much)
Here the Innocent/Passive Boy was thrown to the wolves into a place where "we have no rules only arrangements" after diving into a deeper black hole. At one point one of the older boys called me Cringelyn because I was so frightened of everybody I would cringe away from anyone who made any movement. I eventually learned to question why the rules, how to break the rules, how to smoke, lie, steal, cheat although I never quite got the hang of cruelty. I was still bulled until my final year when I was big enough to deter most bullies and of course those left wanted help to pass exams. Despite its negative aspects I had learned to socialise and be comfortable around people by the time I left.
I have always been loud and unable to moderate my voice very much especially when I'm excited hence by aspie standards extrovert (that is only a little introvert).

At home my family were not a particularly touchy feely lot, I used to dread the visitation from relatives who would insist on kissing (Yuk!) and remember bashing a tooth through my lip in dusking to avoid an embrace from my Mother but I do have fond memories of bear hugging with my Dad which I did until I became too strong for him to be comfortable about the age of 15 - 16.

Last edited by iceb on 30 Aug 2007, 2:00 pm, edited 7 times in total.

I was very hyper at times, overly chatty and always wanted things my way or i threw tantrums. overly touchy too and get obsessive easily about my interests. still am, did becoem reclusinve during highschool and hasnt changed much, though i tend to be, once again, overly chatty i love to talk about my slinkie collection and paccie colelction and how much i like to buy books

I was very quiet as a child, and I never made eye contact with anyone. I was always off in my own world and I'd communicate with my imaginary friends even while in public.

I think I was the worst child imaginable...
I got the police called on me by family at least 10 times because my family just was so scared of me
I threw temper tantrums at least 15 times a day
Meldowns galore, I hit people, I bit, I screamed, I threatened people
I couldn't talk well at all and it got me very frustrated so I would just growl a lot
I hid when people came over, literally hid like ran into my room closed the door and blocked the door from anybody getting in, or ran in a small space until the people left
I never gave any kind of eye contact looked at the floor
If anybody just put one finger on me or touched me of any kind, I would freak out and attack them
Everything had to be lined up exactly if disturbed I would run after them with knives
Started trying to kill myself at the age of 6
Only wore sweats, or jog suits anything else bothered me and I would rip off and go into the worst sensory overload ever
Hated going to any kind of social event, would go into my own world, and usually cling to a corner until the event was over
Broke chairs, remote controls, walls, tons of glasses, tvs, windows, doors, etc..
No empathy for people whatsoever, but if a bug died in my house would be sad for weeks
Would attack people, but if a fly or something flew in the house would give it food and take care of it and scream if anybody tried to hit it haha
Had to eat the same thing every night, or I would break anything I saw and attacked any person I encountered, and would scream and yell or I would refuse to eat and take all the food that I didn't want and hide it under the table
Hated change, if the vacume was moved from one room to the next would freak out and throw horrible temper tantrums
I think I almost broke my mother ribs twice, throw chairs at my father, I think all my family members got bruises at least once a day from me except my brother
I also had to wear headphones wherever I went, and would freak out if I changed environments too fast
I think I would beat myself every night from the ages of 6-16 used glasses bottles and beat the s**t out of myself, it was bad.
Never gave any kind of affection, Ever just tolerated bear hugs from my brother
I think I attacked my doctors a couple times, oh and especially my orthodontist and dentist, they usually had 3 people work around to hold me down 247
I couldn't even brush my own hair until I was 12, couldn't even tie my shoe until I was 8, would get frustrated because I couldn't even put my own hair into a pony tail until I was about 15 ...

Wow now that I say all of that, I seem more low functioning autistic then anything back then lol Anyways I think I was the worst child Ever, people were so afraid of me, I remember even telling people how much I hated them, and wanted them dead, even had like a death wall lol, I'm soo happy I'm not like that anymore !