Has anyone taken you aside to explain an unwritten rule?

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Oh yeah, I was taken aside at work by my direct supervisor and told that the food the general manager buys and puts in the employee breakroom is only for sales because they worked overtime without a lunch at the end of the month so the general manager got them lunch. How on earth would I have known that? It was in a common employee area and not the sales office. Then being told employees can't have lunch in customer areas. I went in a corner in our waiting room and ate a sandwich and the HR lady had an issue with that apparently, but no one ever told me. I have gotten in trouble so much with food things because I think food is out for everyone and then someone tells me its not for me. That explains why the general manager looked at me so funny when I grabbed some food, he probably told my direct supervisor because he was uncomfortable being like don't eat that. There was a ton of food too but I guess that doesn't matter because I said what if theres a lot to go around and she said its still only for them. I felt so embarrased and once I took food that was for a private party because I thought they were part of a meetup group I went to at this brewery. They were right by us so I thought the food was for that and they said this is a private party as I took a brownie. I felt so bad and so nausous after eating the brownie due to embarrassment. Now I always double check and do not touch anything unless directly offered the food. My rsd gets majorly triggered when stuff like this happens.

I'm the same, although it's quite an easy mistake to make to assume that food put somewhere common is for everyone. They should clearly label things or put them in less obvious places, as we're not mind-readers.
Last year some guy often brought in doughnuts and cookies and other food that was for everyone to help themselves to, and he'd place it on the table in the center of the workshop. Then we got a contractor in who'd bring in loads of sweet snacks for himself and would place it on the same table, not labelled or anything, and one day I helped myself to one of his doughnuts, thinking they were just placed there for everyone like always.
Evidently not. I got confronted by the contractor asking me if I had taken his doughnut. I panicked so I found myself saying "no", thinking he might not make a big deal of it as he had plenty of doughnuts left, plus lots of other food. But he asked me again, and it became more awkward the more he kept asking, so by then I knew I couldn't just say "oh, I mean, yes I did", because I worried he might ask why I said no in the first place and I just felt rather threatened by him. I just wanted him to let it go and to make a mental note to myself to never take any food ever again unless I'm specifically told that it's for everyone.
That then kick-started the bullying. He saw me as a lying thief and decided to use that against me, for all of eternity. I felt bad and embarrassed about it, and it would have really helped if he had of just let it go. Another coworker asked me if the food lying about on the table was for everyone, and I quickly stepped in and said, "no, I wouldn't take any of that without checking first, as it could be the contractor's", as I didn't want this coworker to get bullied too. But then the coworker said, "why does he leave his food lying around here for?" I just shook my head and said, "you tell me."

So yeah, it's an easy mistake to make to assume food lying around in a common area is for everyone. But I know what you mean, I have RSD too and find this sort of thing triggering. I get embarrassed very easily and I tend to panic, which can make me lie to avoid further consequences, although this time it totally backfired with this bloke. I wish I had of just told the truth and said "oh sorry, I thought they were for everyone", but because he was so intimidating it was why I panicked and the "fight or flight" response kicked in.

Last edited by Tamaya on 11 Nov 2025, 6:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I feel pretty strongly about unwritten rules about food. That there isn't really any excuse for them.

Telling anyone off for taking food under any circumstances is something that annoys me. Unless they're being deliberately malicious, which clearly neither of you was.

Sorry for those experiences, I think other people were in the wrong there.

I agree. Those other people are the ones who needed to have the unwritten rule explained to them that food for specific people needs to be labeled when it's left out in common areas that people share. My third job had a policy about food needing to be labeled when left in the break-room & one of my tasks was tossing the food every couple days that was not labeled; my job was custodial stuff in retail while the store was open.

Yeah.
I remember I once put a small cake on the shared table that I was going to eat after completing a task, but when I came back it was gone. But I didn't go angrily asking everyone in the workplace if they'd taken my cake. I just thought I was foolish for leaving it lying around, I should have put it in the fridge.

I wish I had said to the bully not to leave his food laying around then, but stupid me is too weak and afraid to argue at someone who stands much higher than me.