Are relationships possible???

Page 2 of 2 [ 30 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Joined: 11 Dec 2006
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 252
Location: Sydney, Australia

06 Sep 2007, 11:29 pm

It depends on the type of person you/or your partner is.

I would love to maintain my relationship with my husband but I have to accept (that is if I know how to) that I cannot do so. I have a major problem with my moods and that could not be helped.

Stitch
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 5 Nov 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 62

07 Sep 2007, 9:09 am

Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" has a chapter on long-term relationships. I just read it, and got a bit spooked, as it sounds exactly like me and my wife.

Deathklaat
Deinonychus

Joined: 3 Dec 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 324
Location: Birmingham, AL

05 Dec 2007, 4:46 pm

Marilyn wrote:

Any thoughts??

Yeah, I got a few. I personally believe that any long-term relationship with somebody when you have AS is not humanly possible. It just doesn't work. Don't believe me? Try it some time and see how well you do. It's hard enough to talk to people when you have AS, let alone have a relationship with them. Sorry if I come off a bit angry, but I have 17 years of repressed anger built up inside of me. Death out.

insomniakat
Raven
Raven

Joined: 29 Nov 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 120

05 Dec 2007, 4:59 pm

Hrmm...funny (strange, not ha ha). I don't think that sort of thing would bother me. I'd probably just say "Hon, that's rude" so he'd stop the behavior and sit back down. I wouldn't be embarrassed by it though. And I'd assume he would want to know that he was making a mistake so he wouldn't offend people.

As for relationships, ALL relationships are hard work. I think people want to blame something when they aren't perfect, and AS is convenient. As for someone saying they don't want to try anymore, it's sad. It takes all kinds, ya know?

_________________
Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

-Terry Pratchett, Jingo - Discworld

NeantHumain
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 24 Jun 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,837
Location: St. Louis, Missouri

05 Dec 2007, 10:37 pm

Marilyn wrote:

I can give alot of specific examples of his behaviour, but what it comes down to is a consistant child like attitude to adult situations. I notice it more around high stress social situations, like when he met my friends and family. He just lacks this ability to communicate on a deeper level. He'll make random & inapropriate statements. In a recent visit to a friends house (where he had never been before) he just got up from our conversation and started going through all of her kitchen cabinets. Luckily my friend didn't mind, but i was just really confused over how I should respond . do I stop him? Do I just let him go at it? I don't want to be his mother, but if he really needs help interacting socially, I want to help him.

He also has a strong sensitivity to sound and touch. This occcasionaly becomes a problem in intimate situations.

The most serious problem that I have with him though is a lack of communication. I would easily be able to handle everything else if we could just talk about it, if he could try to make me understand where he's coming from, but it's like talking to a wall. That's the main reason i came to the site. I just really need some help communicating with him.

Just to clarify, i in no way confuse the term "healthy" relationship and "perfect" relationship with each other. I'm too much of a realist. I expect to have fights and conflict, I actually welcome them as a way to grow and learn about each other.
but when it's just one person wanting to talk and comunicate about said problem, you get an un-balanced and un-healthy situation.

He may have communication deficiencies, but that beats the crap most NTs dish out, expecting people with Asperger's syndrome (you know, the people this site was made for) to magically understand.

EvilKimEvil
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 26 Sep 2007
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,671

06 Dec 2007, 12:08 am

Relationships have never been much of a problem for me. I find them easier than friendships. I've had some decent relationships with NT guys. The reasons they didn't work out probably didn't have anything to do with the guy being NT.

Danielismyname
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Apr 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,565

06 Dec 2007, 2:31 am

Death is closer to the truth for the majority of people with AS/AD. Most don't ever form friendships, let alone romantic relationships.

Drool_Thingy
Hummingbird

Joined: 1 Nov 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 22

06 Dec 2007, 6:39 am

Deathklaat wrote:

Marilyn wrote:

Any thoughts??

I've pretty much accepted the fact that I'll never have a meaningful relationship with anyone and thus have stopped looking. I feel free because of that, no need to try to impress anyone or worry about what to say next. I craved ending most of my relationships after about a week anyway. I couldn't handle the phone calls and other demands, and always knew I wouldn't be able to keep things going.

Deathklaat
Deinonychus

Joined: 3 Dec 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 324
Location: Birmingham, AL

06 Dec 2007, 9:55 am

Drool_Thingy wrote:

Drool, how old are you? Phone calls are very easy to handle, imo. You have to try to keep things going. I learned that. Not trying to preach, just to advise. Death out.

_________________
"If at first you don't succeed...cheat." -Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Death out.

Deathklaat
Deinonychus

Joined: 3 Dec 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 324
Location: Birmingham, AL

06 Dec 2007, 10:00 am

Danielismyname wrote:

Death is closer to the truth for the majority of people with AS/AD. Most don't ever form friendships, let alone romantic relationships.

By death, do you mean me, or death itself?

_________________
"If at first you don't succeed...cheat." -Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Death out.

Jett
Blue Jay

Joined: 4 Mar 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 90
Location: Midwest

06 Dec 2007, 10:03 am

I have maintained a long term relationship with an NT, for 9 years now.

My previous relationship with an AS individual failed... but we are friends now. We are able to maintain our friendship because we both know that not returning each others calls does'nt have crap to do with whether we like each other as a person... LOL.

In any case, back to my relationship. I believe the only reason it makes it is that she is able to understand and mostly look past my differences, and actually appreciate some of them.

It has been very hard at times, we have seperated more than once... she has left me but returned.

I have had to explain many things to her, and explain again so she really understands... and then stop explaining because I can go on and on... and then apoligize for it... again...lol.

But I think the only reason we are making it is because I stopped trying to be someone I am not (NT), and started being myself more fully and proud of it.

It is f-n hard sometimes, and sometimes I just wonder if I would be better alone. But I am still in it to win and have not given in to that.

Truth is she keeps me going "out there" and I keep her grounded in my bubble a bit... that is probably good for each other.

Deathklaat
Deinonychus

Joined: 3 Dec 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 324
Location: Birmingham, AL

06 Dec 2007, 10:08 am

Jett wrote:

I have maintained a long term relationship with an NT, for 9 years now...But I think the only reason we are making it is because I stopped trying to be someone I am not (NT), and started being myself fully and proud of it. It is fn hard sometimes, and sometimes I just wonder if I would be better alone. But I am still in it to win and have not given in to that. Truth is she keeps me going "out there" and I keep her grounded in my bubble a bit... that is probably good for each other.

I cannot express my admiration for you in words. Your relationship has lasted for 27X longer than my longest one has been. (4 months.) Kudos to you, Jett. Kudos.

_________________
"If at first you don't succeed...cheat." -Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Death out.

ButchCoolidge
Velociraptor

Joined: 22 Sep 2006
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 436
Location: New York, New York

06 Dec 2007, 11:44 am

To the original poster, it really depends on the people involved in the relationship - both you and him. Keep in mind that even for many NTs, a real relationship is impossible. In fact, I would argue that for at least 80% of NTs, a real intimate relationship is impossible. Real intimacy, real communication, is extraordinarily difficult for all humans. That said, a lot of aspies have an ever harder time. If your hearts are in the right place, if you can have fun together, respect each other, and communicate, then certainly success is possible. Without these qualities, though, any relationship is doomed to fail.

MrMacPhisto
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 20 May 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,187
Location: Chatham

06 Dec 2007, 12:38 pm

Relationships like that do work out well sometimes you have to be very paitient and also take the rough with the smooth. Hope your relationship works out.

Page 2 of 2 [ 30 posts ] Go to page Previous 1, 2

Jump to:

Are relationships possible??? Post Reply New Topic

Are relationships possible???