The empathy lie

Post Reply New Topic

Sympathy and empathy can be synonymous depending on the context. But, again depending on the context, they can be two different things.

For example when my husband almost had a heart attack due to being a compulsive smoker, I didn't feel much sympathy, as it was self-inflicted really (I'm an anti-smoker). But I felt empathy for him, I phoned the ambulance straight away and felt very concerned for his wellbeing.

But sometimes when you're giving someone all your sympathy it feels like giving sympathy requires empathy to do so.

So they are very complex feelings and not really worth arguing about (not saying anyone in this thread are arguing but the subject on empathy can become heated).

The other thing about empathy that has always gotten to me is the way the definition varies depending on whether you're describing an NT or an autistic person. Apparently NTs bullying and autistic is a form of empathy, but if an autistic is being a jerk to someone else (as deliberately as what bullying by NTs is) then it's classed as a lack of empathy.

For example if an NT kept stamping on my toes just to annoy me then they'd still have empathy because their intention is to annoy me. But if I was to step on another person's toes for the intention to annoy them then I'd be lacking empathy. I think empathy should hold the same definition whichever neurology you're blessed or cursed with, not be a double standard.

I never heard of the empathy quotient. I just tried one online, and one interesting point is that it asked me how attentive I am to being on time. I’m one of the most consistently prompt people I know, and I’ve become used to waiting for other people to arrive, which I don’t mind doing because I’m good at staying occupied while waiting. So people who know me describe me as a patient person.

But none of this has to do with being considerate of other people’s needs. It’s purely compulsive. When I’m late by just two minutes, it bothers me, even when no one else is there. I’m measuring myself against my own standard, not anyone else’s.

For me to actually learn empathy, it's never about "caring more" of what others think or feel; nope. That's just going into steamroll itself into a form of sympathy, all because over the idea around the word "care".

For me to actually learn empathy, it's to be able to beyond truth and lies, be very, very well manipulate processes of others and the processes behind as to why a lie is successfully believable and maintainable by one's own intent and will into making everyone else predictable -- which is the audience's perception.
No "caring" required. Heck, I think, thinking like a predator would do me better if I want to learn empathy as a starter.
That in real life, there is only perception; and thus what one can negotiate well is what one would ended up 'deserving'.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I don't think humans have empathy at all. It just something made up to make us feel guilty that we're not shedding tears for every human being that is suffering or dead.

I just hate when people bring up empathy in the context of ASD, like the elephant in the room is "she has ASD so assumably she lacks empathy and we need to nudge her about it", that just really really annoys me. It's like they're focusing on that...mythical "symptom", like I'm some sort of psychopath, even though my empathy ability is just normal like the next person's really. Some situations I don't feel much empathy in, others I do. Some situations NTs don't feel much empathy in, others they do. And this ain't just an NT Vs autism thing. For example, on the online Emetophobia support group I belong to, there's a hidden rule where we be supportive and reassuring of one another, as it seems to help us deal with these feelings. A person without Emetophobia or empathy for Emetophobes has often entered the group before and have given unhelpful posts.

If a parent with Emetophobia is freaking out because their kid has been sick, a person who lacks empathy in this situation might say "you are a selfish a**hole, you should think of your poor child, not yourself!" But a person who experiences the same feelings about being sick (or just have empathy in this situation) would empathise strongly and know that they aren't being a bad parent, that Emetophobia is a real thing and can make us vulnerable at times.

So it's part of the human condition to not always feel empathy in situations that we can't relate to, although a person with higher empathy levels as a personality trait (whether NT or autistic or other) might try to see a situation beyond their own perspective. But even then we still might stumble across a situation that we just cannot empathise with, despite having high levels of empathy as a personality trait. And that's okay. Nobody's perfect.

Empathy can be a wonderful feeling if you've ever felt it

It can make you truly feel some kind of connection with the person who you're talking to or sharing a bit of space with and it works both ways as well

I wouldn't wanna stake my life on it but I reckon I've felt it once or twice in my life. If it wasn't empathy then it bloody well should have been

It was probably the drug to be fair

^ Are you sure you don't have empathy?

I dunno mate

I try and stay level headed with how I relate to people

I think everyone has the capacity to relate to other people on an emotional level and that's nothing special

I hate empathy when it's "overcooked". It comes off as fake. Very off-putting

Innit

Its like some kind of weird manipulation