"Just be yourself!" Yeah, right!

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NTs just don’t understand the role.

Those who are accepted for being they have the easiest time. SO they think, emulate those who have the easiest time and prove that you are one of these people. But you are not, you have aspergers.

I used to try being myself. Apparently people hate myself.

Though nowadays I'm myelf alot more and I get on with people much better. Things are looking up. =P

I think the right advice for me would be, "Be yourself-just not your whole self." I can keep the best parts of myself, but not let the nervousness and uncertainty show through. Also, I should try to avoid "faux pas" moments.

I'm a lot like this, lol. I tend to not accommodate others' needs until I figure out exactly why they need it. I don't change what I am doing because it is confusing and a foreign concept to me, yet, I still wonder why they want me to change. Is that along the lines of what you are meaning? (being so absorbed in figuring out why things are going the way they are rather than easily being able to make adjustments)

I learn something from almost every experience, but it does not necessarily mean that I will do anything differently when the situations arise again... therefore, even while knowing what others would like me to do differently, I'm rejecting it because I do not understand exactly why.

I'm not sure that I worded that correctly to get the concept of what I'm thinking it means out on the forum...

Good answer.

I think of "Be yourself" as meaning "Only do things that are consistent with who you are, don't do anything that violates your basic concept of yourself." In a context of advice, it can also mean "Trust your instincts" (which, admittedly, is not as helpful to people on the autistic spectrum as it would be to some other people).

Everyone has to moderate who they are to some extent in order to live in society. I mean, heck, "yourself" is naked, right? Yet you wear clothes when you go outside. Given my 'druthers I'd wear royal blue glitter nail polish, but since I work in a very conservative office, I save it for vacations and my toenails, and I wear unique and interesting jewelry instead, which is much more acceptable.

Those are very concrete examples, but it extends to more subtle things as well. My natural instinct is to tell people exactly what I think as bluntly as possible, but at the same time, if I only tell them what I think when they really need to know and if I find a way to tell them in a way they relate to better, I'm not violating the principle behind my instinct—I'm not lying, I'm not hiding important information—so in a way I am being myself. I like to talk about my dog and could easily do so all day, but if I try to only say the most important things about her and only to people who I know like dogs and if I ask them about their dogs also, I'm still being myself. I find it dishonest to always say "Fine" when people say "How are you?" but I also know that people don't want to hear everything that's going on in my life, so I find ways to communicate that I'm not "fine" in a way that still fits into the small-talk script (like "Could be worse" or "Glad it's Friday!" or "Okay for a Monday" or "It's one of those days").

I like ChelseaOcean's answer a lot. To me, "be yourself," means not necessarily being exactly who you are, but trying to communicate precisely how you're feeling, what your opinion is on a matter, etc. There's an AS me, sure, and if I was that person all the time I don't think many people would want to talk to me, not because of my opinions and feelings, but because they wouldn't understand those. But I can moderate that pretty well, and actually doing that is the only way to allow most people to even see what's me - the part that's under my skin, and beneath my AS awkwardness. "Being me" is about letting people see my opinions and feelings. I can't do that without "wearing a different skin" a little so that I can express better how I feel, and it takes an effort, sure. It's not much of a change, but it is knowing what things to suppress, and what to emphasise. But the overriding principle of the idea is that you're trying to be honest about the person that you are, and you are communicating that to others. For most people, that doesn't take an effort. For Aspies, it's more complex.

Last edited by mmaestro on 17 Sep 2007, 11:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

LoL... Yes those 2 quotes sums it up nicely.

No one has ever told me to just be myself. "You can't do that!" has been said many times.

I do many things, being myself is not one. The hardest thing for me to learn was packing data bits for export. My views do not ship well. I find that treating everyone like a somewhat slow twelve year old works best. I become them, vocabulary, sentence length, language, for nothing else can cross their brain barrior.

As a friend summed it up, "Shoot low, they are short!"

Just be yourself, is an answer to a question, which should never be asked, which is why it never happened to you. You are smarter than that. "Whatever shall I do, where shall I go? Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!"

I understand your mother's point of view, when did you ever sit for a mother daughter chat and tell her how your goal in life is a hostile takeover by management, looting pension funds to support a stock buyback, forcing out minority share holders, and taking the company private? How sheading liabilities, spinning off assets, like production, dumping the workers with the move, and becoming cash rich, you can outsource everything?

It may just be a girlish dream for now, but it takes a vision of the future to grow, the vision of yourself addressing a combined meeting of the share holders and workers, who have just been pushed out of their lifetime roles, replying to their questions by telling them to "Just be yourselves."

Just be myself? Who the hell am I? I've been putting on an act my entire life. lol

Boy can I relate to that! The only time I ever "fit in" is when I'm acting as much as possible... and it gets really stressful and tiring to put on the "social happy act" for too long.

When I'm "just being me" people think I'm being aloof or moody or brooding or something they just can't understand and feel uncomfortable around.

Thanks for all the responses, but nobody really seemed to see exactly what I was saying. I've heard the 'just be yourself' phrase millions of times in all types of media. But no one has once said it to me because they don't want me to be myself! And whenever I am anyway, something always goes terribly wrong. Even at school, the last person I can be is me. And if even just a little bit of me shines through, people get annoyed. Otherwise I'm very popular there. But that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say is that this is an extremely over-used phrase that I'm sure I will never hear once because nobody wants me to be me! Get what I'm saying?

Just be yourself... so long as it's the status quo.

If "yourself" is too out of the ordinary, you're labeled as an outcast or a troublemaker and generally shunned.

Individuality... so long as you're still marching to the same drum as the rest of the group. All wearing the same basic uniform, but you get to choose your own hat.

Yeah, and that happened a ton to me! My mom even said she'd prefer for me to be more like someone else because of all of this. My personality's changed quite a bit since I started high school and yet there's still no pleasing her, or anyone else for that matter (unless I don't act like me)...

Oh! I get it now. I read it wrong in the beginning. It's their fault, they set me on the primrose path with their responses. They're a bunch of stupid heads.

Yes, it is a very stupid phrase that is grossly overused in the media. I've even seen it in deodorant ads where there's some skank trying to be sultry talking about how guys should just be themselves. It's a cliche, so it will always be overused in the media. There are countless movies about some loser who gets what he wants because he "stays true to himself." They also make a big deal about calling people "fake" which is basically saying that they aren't being themselves. Most cliches are stupid, they can cause problems when people watch too many movies and actually try to imitate them in real life.

In real life I very rarely get this because nobody cares enough about me to care if I'm being myself or not. I've gotten it a few times on WP when I'm posting about trying to change my behavior and then someone will invariably go "be yourself." I think most people in real life can tell that they really don't want me to be myself. In all honesty, most people don't really want you to be yourself, they're just parroting the cliche that is hammered into them from too many movies, they may not even realize what it really means, they just say it because they think it makes them sound deep.

Just be yourself. But only here. You do have a well developed public persona, a mask to keep the world at bay, but it is not you.

It is helpful to be able to pass in the world, but self runs deep, and it is the real you, come out and play, explore, and it is self that will still be there when school, childhood, family, are all long in your past.

If I can get away with being me here, you will have no problem.

I have heard that you are just so nice and social, that some wonder why you are here.

You come here for some inner need, the hidden Lightning88.

Let her come out and play, if not here, where?

Thanks for the kind words, Inventor. I'm glad I'm able to be me here (for the most part), but I can't really be me at too many other places. At school I have to be one way, at home I have to be another... I can never just let loose. Something bad always happens otherwise...