DEPRESSED since I was diagnosed with Asperger's

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I was relieved but you do go through a period of mourning, but you have to accept it and not let that label cloud your every thought.

I've heard that you can get social skills training.

no justly, for me at least, this is what i've been doing and failing since ever. All the thigns NTs do and that we don't are due to the fact that we can't learned these just by observation (i like to say that we lack one eye, they all seems to have a third hidden one).

Those skills must be explained to us using words and/or illustrations. Those tools exists (books, internet sites, fellow aspies here...). Now that you know about AS, you'll start to use the right tools, beleive me things will all start to make sens, at last!

I would jump for joy if I were officially diagnosed with Asperger's. Why? I am a 48 year old woman and grandmother of two, and have had NO IDEA why I am the way I am, my whole life. I've read about AS and NVLD this past year and I am convinced that I have both. Back when I was a kid, there was no such thing as an Asperger's diagnosis. I never did hear anyone talk about Autism, either. I'm sure my teachers knew very little about such things. My kindergarten teacher said that I cried the ENTIRE FALL SEMESTER. (WHY?) My 2nd grade teacher said about me in a report: "Odd combination of little girl and little old lady." (WHY??) My 3rd thru 6th grade teachers made remarks such as "She is a follower, not a leader.", "Daydreams a lot", "Does not follow directions", etc. And I seldom had kids to play with. If I wanted someone to play with, I had to seek them out and most of the time they acted like they didn't want me there. All my life, even as an adult, other people say to me "You're weird", "You're strange", "You're unique", "You're one of a kind", "You're eccentric", "You're special". What do you think this has done to my self esteem? All these years I figured if I knew how to fix it, I would. And if I couldn't fix it, I'd accept it. But how can you fix what you don't know is broken? The stares, the laughs, the raised eyebrows, the sneers, the rejection........... WHY?

FINALLY I know what's wrong. Or at least I'm closer to knowing what is wrong than I ever have been. I feel validated! I feel relieved! I feel HAPPY that there is a reason that I think differently. Why I freak out when I hear certain sounds or when I touch certain fabrics or when someone uses lotion.. etc Why I have trouble looking people in the eyes. Why I behave like a child sometimes. Why I find it so dang hard to get friends and keep them. Why I get so obsessive with my interests unlike other people. Why I prefer to hole up in my house and be a homebody.

There is something very validating and reassuring about knowing what is wrong... why you do the things you do, why you think the way you think. That maybe, just maybe, all these years you HAVE been trying as hard as you can! Maybe just maybe you aren't lazy or stupid!

I hope my sharing my experience will somehow help you... Maybe this poem will help give you some peace:



Desiderata


Go placidly amid the noise and haste, & remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many people strive for high ideals; Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it transcends time and space. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of Spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive God to be, and whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be Careful. Take Care. Strive to be Happy.

Written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann, a Terre Haute, Ind., poet, author and lawyer.

*Edited for spelling mistake*

He has a right to be depressed about this. It seems like he stole the writings for his post out of my head. Remember, he feels the way he feels. I feel the way I feel. There are no 2 Aspies alike or two degrees alike. Maybe some people on here are able to cope better or your symptoms and degrees are not as bad. This is hell. The future does look grim when we know that we can't "fix" it and take a pill. I read self-help books for years hoping to find the answer until I was diagnosed. Then they tell us that it can't be cured and to deal with it.
My past looks so much worse in my eyes now. I understand now how I have hurt people. You may say that it was not my fault, but it still doesn't take their pain away. I can't take back all the years of not enjoying life, relationships I never had, and jobs I never enjoyed. It sucks.
It effects my every waking hour. Everything I do, see, or touch now has me wondering if it is "me" (if me ever existed) or the Aspergers responding. Do I even have a personality? Am I a person? The call the frontal lobe the "personality" of a human. Well, mine is screwed up. I am a disease or a symtom in himself. I'm pissed. On top of this, my parents have Aspergers and it makes my world even smaller because of disconnect from other possible relationships growing up.

delete double post.

Last edited by Claradoon on 21 Sep 2007, 10:31 am, edited 1 time in total.

Occupational therapy. You'd need a referral. They specifically teach what to do, as opposed to talk therapy where they teach you what to think (useless for AS). Of course you'd need an occupational therapist experienced with AS.

Also there are helpful books. Temple Grandin and Tony Attwood are the best known authors.

Here's my favourite book for sensory issues

I still hope to get an official diagnosis, and hopefully with it at least some help with how to deal with things.

Have you actually been diagnosed? Have you taken those online tests? They aren't an official diagnosis of course, but can help you see if you're on the right track.

Try not to be depressed about it. Remember, you're the same person, it's just that if you do have it (or whatever you might have), you now know WHY you are the way you are, at least in relation to some things. Hopefully knowing that will help us figure out ways to fit into the world as best we can, because we know that's wrong. Knowing should make it easier to deal with issues since you know what's wrong...at least hopefully it will.

Claradoon, thanks for the links

Another good book is "The Highly Sensitive Person," by Elaine Aron.

Mw99, you will be fine, I'm sure of it. This is a time of discovery for you. Please take heart.

I felt terrible, then eventually started digging for info. And then one day, I stopped pretending to be someone else. I didn't announce anything, I just found the ways to arrange my life so I don't have to be NT. I haven't sorted out everything, it's been a year. But I am so much more relaxed, more authentic. It feels solid and good.

I ordered a weighted blanket, hope to receive it next week. Do you like the heavy apron the dentist puts on you for xrays? If yes, check out weighted blankets. You'll find this and other things if you go to eBay and search Asperger's.

One more - are you faceblind? It's worth knowing, you can compensate.

Yes, I really liked that one, it was a Godsend.

I am not face blind. And what do weighed blankets have to do with AS?

Some of us find our sleep vastly improved with a blanket that weighs 10% of our body weight. That's why I mentioned the xray apron - sometimes that will give you a hint on whether you'd like a weighted blanket. You might get a lot of interesting info if you start a thread 'what are your sleeping arrangements.'

Every time I go to the dentist and have an xray vest put on me, I want to ask them to leave it on while they finish their work because the weight of it is so comforting to me. But I've been too embarrassed to ask! I am flabbergasted to find out that this has to do with AS/ASD. Yet more validation for me! Yay!