Misdiagnosed?

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I rather like your attitude. Living in your mind, having so vastly much in there that is not accessible to others through these crude organic vessels in which we dwell, can be a painful and lonely place; I can relate; and I think that it takes some courage to be introspective enough to even be aware of such a thing. I suspect that many humans (particularly introverts) are in this same boat, but I'm not sure how many of them take the time to think about such things; perhaps sometimes ignorance really is bliss?

As for feeling shame, or running up against the various stigmas attached to any sort of weirdness upstairs, this has something that has always troubled me. Some few humans can bring themselves to be consistently tolerant and non-judgmental, but many cannot help but to judge. I've been judged many times in my life by humans who witness or hear about just one strange or seemingly scary deed of mine - just one, that's all it takes for many humans to classify me as "dangerous" or a "nut to be avoided", etc. [And to be clear, I can seem scary occasionally, possibly often, but I’m relatively harmless; never in my life have I harmed another human, and I know I have the strength of will and discipline to keep it that way until I finally die.] And because of some bad experiences in this vein early in my life, for a long, long time I kept myself carefully hidden away behind a facade of as much normalcy as I could act out. Many people who've "known" me in my life have never known the real me. Only recently in my life have I stopped being afraid of being judged, stopped being afraid of just being "myself", if there truly is such a thing (I’m still trying to figure that one out). Most humans are unable to deal well with the real me; I confuse them, or scare them, or otherwise put them off; there is much truth in the old saying that people fear what they do not, cannot, understand.

Yet I am still blessed; there is a small group of people in my life who seem to continually find ways to stand by me no matter how strange or seemingly scary I get, a core group of friends and loved ones; I hope you have the same blessing. To them, I can talk flat out about how I'm "crazy"; and they know I'm not kidding around about it, but are able to look past my troubles and see that I have much to offer that is of great worth. My mental difficulties can be a source of troubles (which I keep under control), but they are also a source of many of my gifts and strengths; if I could do so, I would not change who I am, for if I did something wondrous and unique would be lost. And as for having much to offer that is of great worth, I suspect that the same is true of you, and of many with mental troubles, be the trouble AS or schizophrenia or what not; people just need to learn how to excuse us some troubles or differences to see what they are missing out on. It is a sad world in which we live when most cannot bring themselves to do this.

Anyway…

Good fortune,

- Icarus rambles…

What a powerful, but true statement!

Thank you all for your replies. I do find some comfort in knowing that I'm not alone, but at the same time I will never say that I'm glad that this happened to anyone else. It is truly a horrific experience to have someone mess with your head in such a way.
Icarus_Falling, you are correct in everything that you said. It wasn't rambling, it was truth. I don't think that too many people ever feel the need to look very deep inside of themselves. It's only when it's been brought to your attention that you don't fit the norm that one does such a thing. I felt that it was forced upon me to live inside of myself. It was the only safe place to be, and I'm learning how to come out of my shell a little more nowadays. People do judge. Sometimes, that's needed with individuals that ARE dangerous to society, but people take it way too far. Anything they don't understand automatically gets cataloged into the same category as dangerous, or harmful. In my case, it didn't help that I had a mentally unstable mother that I'm wondering if she could meet the criteria of schizotypal personality disorder. She meant well, but her paranoia, and shaky reality really did a lot of harm. Of course the docs are going to believe her over a teenager. I am blessed to have a husband that cares for me as I am. I don't have anyone else that I feel does, but I'm okay with that. I don't quite have the self-esteem built that you do, but I am working on accepting myself as I am. After all, I cannot be so hypocritical. I teach my boys that they are okay as they are. I want them to have a sense of pride in who they are. I go to great lengths to ensure that they're treated with respect in school, and in the community. I will not allow them to be subjected to any rigid therapy (such as ABA) designed to shame auties into complying to NT ways. I will do my best to help them find their place in this world armed with a strong sense of themselves to to be able to hold strong in the face of adversity that they're sure to face. Who knows what great people this world is missing out on, because society couldn't get past some weirdness. Instead of love, and acceptance, people get drugged, and pushed off to the side. It is sad indeed.