I Can't Stand NTs!

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From what you have mentioned on the message board at best he wants only to be a casual acquaintance not what you would call a close friend. I would remain courteous to him but I would distance myself from him and cease any further attempts at trying to get into his circle of friends and try to substitute other satisfying activities with other people. Believe me, I've been down that road before.

All answers on this thread are just so wonderful!

I am ashamed to admit that I was in my late 30s when I discovered that there's such a thing as letting one down """""politely"""".

It might be simply that he thinks you are coming on to him. If any of the activities you suggested to him involve only you and him doing something together, he's likely to think that you want to "hit dat" and he's trying to distance himself from you.

It's difficult for me to make friends with women who I think are cool and I just want to hang out with as they are most likely to jump to the conclusion that I want to sleep with them.

I also have to watch out for women who want to date me, who I can't pick up on the signals and think they really do "just want to go grab a coffee."

I swear, NT's think about hooking up far more than I'd think possible. It's like through out every single social interaction they are either trying to "get it on" with someone or otherwise are battling to fend off other people they think are trying to "do the nasty" with them.

Thank God I'm married.

If only mood rings really worked, you could glance down at someone's finger to make sure you're on the same page.

i am also foreign student. to hang out with people is ok, but sometimes i like someone a lot more than the others. with that person it would be very easy and quick to get attached and therefore it is easier to prefer the company of people who i actually don't care about. but perhaps that's not your case.

U made a good effort but wid NTs dey will talk 2 u but dey won't wanna make friends wid u its happen 2 me many tyms.

Nirrti_rachelle, this happened to me sooo often when I was at university. I had quite a few people that I would hang out with in class, or perhaps walk across campus with, or MAYBE even work on a project together with, but none of them ever wanted to be social beyond that point. They never invited me out to see a movie, or come to a party, or go to the mall. They were just “in-class” friends. Even though we seemed to get along great, no one ever wanted to make it more than just casual class pals.

I don’t know what it was I was doing wrong, but clearly it was something.

oh, my goodness yes! I had no idea, I thought every parting had to be hostile and angry! I had no idea people could part partners and be civil.

Merle

I disagree. I don't have any enemies, but I have few friends. While it helps a lot to not have drama and not to be hated or angry, it's not enough just to have people not dislike you. No one had a problem with me, but it wasn't like I was interesting enough to be friends with, either. Like someone else said, I tend to want to be friends with only one person in a group - I just find one specific person I click with. But then I hate being in groups of friends. I hate college because I'm forced to be in a group - before, I maintained successful individual friendships in which we discussed and did things based on our shared interest, and since I never fight, we're drama free. In a group, people get bitchy and I'm forced to choose sides, plus I have to do everything when and how the group wants to, and conversation always moves towards popular topics I have no interest in - boys, makeup, hangovers.

InSpades, please check your PMs.

No, he was BSing about the part about not wanting to get attached to people in this country. Heck, if that were true, he wouldn't hang out much with anyone. But he does and he even has online friends in the states he's known for years and he's visiting. He just doesn't like me. Not only that, he made it a point to say that since the class we're in will be over, we will not see each other again. He'll still be at this school for another six months so what does the class ending have to do with anything unless he just doesn't want to associate with me?

Oh, well, the f*ck with him and all the rest. I've decided this is the last time in a long long time I will ever try to befriend an NT ever again. I can't deal with lying, phoniness and being treated like s**t. I'm tired of trying to be something I'm not just to placate their fear of anyone different. And most of all, I'm sick of only being given the left-overs of whatever companionship they have to offer....if they offer any at all.

It's one thing to beat up on myself for being a crazy, socially inept nutcase. It's another when I let others join in on it.

You will never catch fish like that. So one swims by, looked good, eyed the bait, but not a nibble.

Now you beat the water with the pole.

Getting mad does not work, sit and think of something else, with a good hold on the pole, there will be a tug, if not today tomorrow, sometime, so catch up on your reading, pretend you are not fishing, and that is when they bite.

Fishing is hopeless unless they bite, so leave some unguarded approchable bait and wait.

The secret is total indifferance, then setting the hook deep.

I don't make enemies, they make themselves. And as far as I'm concerned they can bend over and keep making themselves.

Nirrti_rachelle, I'm with Inventor. Blowing off nice people because a goofball hurt you will only deprive you. The goofball will take care of himself (see above). There are people with whom you can form solid friendships, but you may have to sift through a few more goofballs to find them. You deserve to meet the nice ones, right?

nirrti_rachelle,

I'm sorry that your attempt at friendship ended badly, and that this person you thought was your friend hurt you like this.

For what it's worth, it is very hard for an NT to say something like "No, I don't want to be your friend." It's the empathy, I think -- an NT doesn't want to be hurtful, because they'll end up feeling your pain. They'll almost always try to find some excuse, so you won't see their rejection as being a rejection. I'm sure that this person wasn't trying to cause you additional distress by lying to you -- rather the opposite.

If you do decide to try to befriend NTs in the future, it's probably better not to ask if they want to be friends. Ask if they want to hang out. And if they make excuses more often than they make plans, stop asking them, and start asking other people. Like Inventor says, there are other fish in the sea.

Aspie's are the same way too. Its basic human nature.

Yeah, what inventor said.

NT's get freaked out if they think you want to be their friends (hey, even some Aspies are suspicious of that sort of behaviour) but if you show no interest in them, they seem to think you're some cool person who doesn't need friends, so they want to be friends with you.

It's all screwed up! It's backwards I tells ya! But that's the way it seems to be.

Ironically, now that you've given up trying to be friends with NT's, you'll probably find a few trying to creep into your life. Just don't try to shoo them away and you might have a few NT friends by this time next year.

I suspect that the majority on this forum are in fact NTs. I could be wrong. My suspicion is not based on fact; it is a mere hypothesis without much I can do to test it.

But it is interesting that psychiatrists are throwing around Asperger's diagnosis on children just like they did with ADD/ADHD of the previous generation... I suspect that certain personality types, mainly introverted intuition types, are extremely highly likely to be mistaken for autistics compared to the general population.