Page 2 of 2 [ 21 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

gbollard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2007
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,009
Location: Sydney, Australia

11 Dec 2007, 9:59 pm

I'm always closely allied with at least ONE person at work. When they leave I (not deliberately) always find a replacement.

If something bad happens, my "ally" always sticks up for me.



SpaceStace
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 218
Location: New Jersey

11 Dec 2007, 10:40 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:

Or is it because I'm a woman? I was told by my internet friend that's probably why because aspie women have it easier and I'm a hot chick and men would rather hit on me than bully me.


Based on my personal experience, I'm going to agree with the masses and say that you probably get treated better because you are a hot chick. Other women who are insecure and less hot than you may play a lot of subtle, nasty games, but not bullying. But men will not only not bully you, they will do the opposite: they will do things to help you for no reason.

Knowing that, some hot NT women take advantage of men. I'm incapable of taking advantage of anyone, and so I used to never ask anyone for help on anything because I felt like that was using them. But I learned that asking men for a favor is not really taking advantage of them: if they help you with something small, in return for a bright smile and some eye contact from you, you actually make their day.

It sounds stuck-up to say that, but it's really just true, and I think of it as a trade: they gift you with help carrying something heavy or whatever, and the smile you gift in return more than "pays" for it. No one loses anything for the exchange and you both feel good. It feels really awkward at first (but then, everything remotely social feels awkward to me and most of us I think) but it's worth learning. And a few times will create some loyalty from them to you.



gbollard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Oct 2007
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,009
Location: Sydney, Australia

12 Dec 2007, 3:42 am

Quote:
It sounds stuck-up to say that, but it's really just true, and I think of it as a trade: they gift you with help carrying something heavy or whatever, and the smile you gift in return more than "pays" for it. No one loses anything for the exchange and you both feel good.


Not stuck up at all.

Spot on. I'll help pretty much anyone for a smile. :) - male or female - so it's not a sexual thing.

Females are just more likely to ask and smile so they get more help.



SpaceStace
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2007
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 218
Location: New Jersey

12 Dec 2007, 9:15 am

gbollard wrote:
Not stuck up at all.

Spot on. I'll help pretty much anyone for a smile. :) - male or female - so it's not a sexual thing.

Females are just more likely to ask and smile so they get more help.


When I discovered how far a simple smile can go, I started doing it a lot, and it make me feel really, really good when I see the positive effect it has – it makes my day to make someone else's day!

And I have found that asking and, conversely, volunteering to do little favors is a key ingredient to building bonds of loyalty at work. Aspie that I am, it's hard to pull my head out of my computer monitor and notice that someone else could use a helping hand. But I've gotten better at being more aware, and now people who were uneasy around me actually stick up for me - the opposite of bullying.



Shale
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 541
Location: New Zealand

14 Dec 2007, 8:23 pm

Awesome to see you're getting those 'warm fuzzies' from making someone else's day Stace :) It does feel good eh...especially when people start doing the same for you.

It's funny how a lot of people are critical of the 'lift this stuff for me and I'll give you a smile'...but it works so well :) Something stupidly heavy for a little lady would be absolutely nothing for a big buff alpha male...they think nothing of it...but the smile, potentially a hug, can leave them feeling 'Omfg she NOTICED ME! And she thinks I'm a good guy! WOO!' for the rest of the day :)

Likewise, for those that drive...sometimes letting someone in that's been stuck at an intersection or stuck in the wrong lane for a while, clearly makes their day. As a run-on effect from that, being finally let in may make them one of the kinds of people that proceeds to let someone else or two or three (lol) in too, and they go on to do the same. It can change the dog-eat-dog situation into a far more compassionate one...tis what we see at work often, when we decide to just start making little differences. In no time...things are a whole lot sweeter :)