Empathy

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I wish I had more empathy than I do. I don't feel sad just because someone else is sad, or angry because they're angry; I just don't feel what the other person feels except on the rare occassion I can relate to their experience due to similarities with my own. When I try to "place myself in another's shoes" it goes horribly wrong because I always think of what I would do in that situation and assume the other person will do the same. Obviously, this is an incorrect way to do such; it doesn't account for their emotional state, desires, opinions, and feelings, which I find difficult to read.

Whether this is the result of a set of personality traits or an ASD, I can't say. But I certainly have a deficiency here and I don't like it.

Do you need to feel empathy for everybody?

Hell no.

If you don't, does that make you some sort of a sociopath?!

Not in the least. No one, I don't care what lies they tell, can feel empathy for everyone. Especially for strangers of which you have no knowledge or common understanding.

Please define "empathy" and how one should really feel for bullies. I know many people don't feel empathy for me, and would gladly see me pay very dearly for everything I've done in the past. Does that make them sociopaths?

Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives.

Bullies are predators, preying on the weak. Bullies are selfish, only caring about their feelings, they don't try to understand others and don't seem to care about others feelings.

I despise bullies. There is no excuse for bullying. Yes I've wished for vengeance on those who have bullied me many times. And no, the desire to remove predators from our midst is not sociopathic, it is defensive. They(Victim and those that have empathy for victim) want you(Bully) to pay because they don't think you care, and they think punishing you will make you care, and therefore you will stop your bullying behavior.

Hopefully you'll turn a new leaf and stop bullying people. If not, I too hope it will bite you in the ass one day.

Exactly, both for me and for all the others. I tried to be nice to someone (and still do ), but this person insisted on provoking and bullying. I reached a point where I started to do what she was doing...bully. Was I wrong and immature? Yes. Was she? Yes.



Yeah, how dare people be human and make mistakes .

I'm sick and tired of it all. I really am.

Then there's one area I can't relate to in its totality, Scum. I haven't become such a "hollow" person yet.

Hope you don't. It feels bad.

You and I think alike, though in my post the bullies I was referring to are other people lurking this forum. I also despise bullies, and I did play their game, which made me a bully, but I see it as a lose-lose situation.

Hopefully they'll read this (I'm sure they will).

It's not easy at all. My mentor seems to be able to explain this better. If you'd like to hear how she explains the hard to love - venture over to - http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/disp ... ew=excerpt

Danielsmyname has once again accomplished the purely autistic. He has such a finely tuned sense of taking things literally that there is no room for deviation.

Again, I reiterate that we all come in many abilities and disabilities. It's not that we lack empathy. It's that our experience in the emotional department is some what lacking. As the normal for us is to shut down feelings in general because they tend to be so extreme, we often lack a reference point for empathy. It's not that we lack the feeling in general, just that we lack the social experience of it. We have difficulty relating to things that are not part of our experience and since we need to build that library of social experience and we use this library as a reference card for appropriate reaction, if we lack the card, we lack the ability to associate.

That explains so many of the things I came here to find. I certainly relate to most of what is said here. Thanks.

You've discovered my super secret talent. I can actually give words with images to people to help them to understand our thinking patterns.

I don't understand half this thread I think.

I feel no empathy. I don't feel much sympathy either.

For instance, let's take a hypothetical case where my best friend got drunk and was in a car and he was badly hurt. Sure, I'd go to the hospital, because I'm his friend. I'd go and sit with him sometimes at the hospital or at home. I'd do some errands for him if he needed it. However, I'd really just think that he deserved it by being stupid and driving drunk. I wouldn't help him with bills or whatever. He got into the mess himself by doing something stupid. He needs to take responsbility for it.

I would also expect as much from him if the roles were reversed.

If in that car wreck, he killed a couple of people? I'd probably still sit with him and help him with errands until he was convicted. However, I wouldn't bail him out of jail (his parents would have to do that). He killed people. He needs to go to jail. That's the law. I'd still visit him in jail. I might bring him things. That's what a friend does. I wouldn't feel sorry for him though. He killed people because he was an idiot. And I probably wouldn't feel any "pain" for the family of the people he killed. I'd pity the family, in a sucks that it happened, sort of way. But, I wouldn't care much if my own family died, so I can hardly be expected to feel much of anything for someone elses.

That's about it. I tend to usually just feel a bit shocked when things happen, but that's about the extent of it. When a friend (my best friend's friend) died, I was shocked because he was young. All I could do was hug my best friend and let him cry and talk. I didn't really know what to do. I felt nothing, except, well that sucks. He was interesting.

And this also makes me feel extremely guilty - that I'm unable to muster much feeling. I used to think people lied all the time about how they felt, just like they lie about asking 'how are you' when they don't really care. But...I'm finding that I'm just a bit empty inside. It's not them, it's me.

lol chuckles to self.

At times I feel like grouhuggin the whole World and other times I want to flip off planet Earth and head out into a rocket to Mars.

Exactly how I felt/acted when my step mom's brother died of an asthma attack. I care a lot about her, but just sat there and listened to her. I felt bad for her, but didn't feel what she did, didn't know how to feel what she did, nor knew what to do to make her feel better. For me, it wasn't sadness, it was confusion mixed with a little sympathy. If she wouldn't have been crying, I wouldn't have even noticed she was 'sad'.



I relate to this well. I don't like the fact that I find it hard to feel what others feel, but it's there. It makes me feel like an inconsiderate a**hole, when I wish not to be such. I've had difficulty with being able to tell whether people are just being nice to me or if it's an instinct ingrained into them since childhood from negative sanctions by their parents; many things people consider common courtesy I don't see the point of, but do it anyway if taught simply because I don't like making them upset. Often times, I do or say something considered 'inappropriate' without knowing it.

Is that more of a schizoid trait, narcissistic trait, or an autistic spectrum trait? I can't figure out which of them(or possible combination of them) that I am, and these traits worry me.

I haven`t seen much empathy in NTs.

I have a hard time feeling and expressing empathy. I get really uncomfortable when others' are crying or trying to talk to me about their problems. I approach these situations in a very logical way, like giving them advice or telling them about situations I've been in that make me able to relate. But I'm just not a good shoulder to cry on.

When it comes to people I'm really close to (only a few), I take on their pain in a different way. Physically. I get physically ill when someone I love is hurting. My whole body feels achy and lethargic, I have that heartache pain in my chest, and sometimes even headaches. Still can't express it outwardly though, not even inwardly.

I envy your logical approach. I need to work on that. Temple Grandin has this logical brain path.