Not following the rules

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Yes I've always had a hard time following rules I don't deem logical. Doing so seems ridiculous, and I will always ask the reason for a particular rule if it is not apparent. NTs however often seem to follow rules without question and it is their nature to be conventional and not swim upstream. Baaahh!

I used to be EXACTLY like that. Too many idiots just want to make rules based on misunderstandings or dumb ideas. Some people have ACTUALLY asked me to do MORONIC things and, eventually, I find it is based on their perverted understanding of my supposed answer to something. They often don't have a reason, feel questions are insulting, or just don't want to bother.

At work, it just isn't worth asking. In my personal life, I am oing to have to get back into that. Just today, I asked a lot about why a seat assignment vanished. They started by saying "[take a risk.] HAVE FAITH". LUCKILY, I ot things straightened out WITHOUT the risk, because I ASKED! LATER, they switched it to first class!

I identify totally with others' comments here.

Through time, I've realized that it's all about the pecking order. It's not that NTs don't need logical explanations. It's that they don't expect or ask for them when the person announcing the rules is higher in the pecking order. They do demand them when the person is below them in the pecking order.

You're not supposed to ask WHY, you're supposed to obey, when you're more dependent on the person than they are on you. However: you are SUPPOSED to do the same (expect obedience without questions) from those who depend on you more than you depend on them.

The difference with us aspies is that we don't base all our dealings with people on the pecking order and who depends on who. Ever since I've made the pecking order central and the basis for all my interactions with people, I've stayed out of trouble.

I still can't bring myself to treat those who depend on me more than I on them with the same authoritarian style as is expected by society. But I've learnt not to expect logical explanations from those I need more than they need me.

If someone below you in the pecking order wants you to obey a rule, they'll offer explanations without you having to ask. We're no different from NTs in needing logical explanations - we're just oblivious to the pecking order. That's why people get angry - because we challenge society's structures and not because we ask for explanations.

Wow.

Oblivious is really the right word.

My advice for Tortuga,


You can write down the rules on a piece of paper and keep them with you in your purse at all times. So that you don't have to think of every rule in your head your son has done you didn't like and tell him not to do that. You can pull out the paper and read it all to him, any new rule to add, you just add it on the paper.

If something was illogical, I wouldn't follow it. But now I do for the sake of not getting into trouble. That's the worse that could happen. If I do that at work, not obey orders from my boss just because something was illogical to do or I question her, bam I could lose my job for it. Is that one of the reasons why lot of aspies can't hold down a job?
I had to learn how to listen nonetheless. I will not lose my job so I have to obey nonetheless, no mater how dumb it sounds. For the sakes of staying out of trouble, just follow the rules. We're not children anymore, we're adults. We should have already learned it by the time we're adults. I figured it out already before I hit 20. I got sick and tired of getting into trouble so I started to obey.

WOW, That could be it RIGHT THERE! I mean THINK ABOUT IT!

1. Questioning "authority".
2. Not respecting someone that is in a position above you because they are less capable.
3. Being blunt.
4. Maybe revealing things they wanted secret (where they wanted it secret simply because they don't want their lack of ability revealed.)
5. Just appearing arrogant.

ALL are things aspies tend to do. I have done them. Although nobody has been dumb enough to fire me for them(I tone them down in public if I am not anonymous anyway), it HAS been used as a threat. Do you think I would be likely to get hired after calling HR or testers IDIOTS? Gone unchecked, I OPENLY call them that EVEN to their faces. I have to LITERALLY swallow when I tell a lie to cover up their stupidity.

BTW one secret to getting the job you want is to research the company, find out good things about it, and slip that in during the interview or other communications. In other words, "butter them up"!

I would ignore rules if I didn't see the point to them, but only if there wasn't a chance that I would get caught.

I always hated it when my parents would refuse to explain a rule or an order to me.

But if a rule did make sense to me, I would see it as important. So I would get lectured for "tattling" at school, because I didn't understand the concept of having a rule and then not caring if people didn't obey. (It's still a strange concept to me.)

Firstly, I must know the reason. Later I decide if I want to follow a rule. I always call into question everything that is deprived of logical explanation. One should always take an attempt to force his brain to think if the fact that all other people do something is a good explanation that he should join them too . Anyway, each doctor can tell you that if your brain activity is undetectable it means you're already dead, not more, not less. You don't think - so you may walk and breathe but your "brain" (or this piece of useless meat in your head) is dead

I find that I have to act like that or I get depressed. It seems like challenging the rules is an inherent part of who I am, and not something I can just file away somewhere and be like everyone else. This is also one of the reasons I don't work. I know I can't handle being told what to do very well.


>>>>>>WOW, That could be it RIGHT THERE! I mean THINK ABOUT IT!

>>>1. Questioning "authority".
>>>>2. Not respecting someone that is in a position above you because they are less capable.
>>>>3. Being blunt.
>>>>4. Maybe revealing things they wanted secret (where they wanted it secret simply because they don't want their >>>lack of ability revealed.)
>>>5. Just appearing arrogant.

>>>ALL are things aspies tend to do. I have done them. Although nobody has been dumb enough to fire me for them(I >>>tone them down in public if I am not anonymous anyway), it HAS been used as a threat. Do you think I would be >>>likely to get hired after calling HR or testers IDIOTS? Gone unchecked, I OPENLY call them that EVEN to their >>faces. I have to LITERALLY swallow when I tell a lie to cover up their stupidity.

I always feel that it's beneficial to know WHY you have to do things.
Initially it might make things more frustrating but in the long term
it helps to see things in perspective as rules should never be
sacrosanct.For example,earlier this year a fireman saved the life
of a child but was then disciplined by his management because technically he hadn't followed the rules.Thankfully the fireman had
seen things in perspective.

For me, it's not a blatant not following the rules thing. I don't mean to not follow the rules, it's just that some of the rules seem stupid. Sometimes I think that people make rules for the sake of rules and that's not good. There's got to be a process behind why the rule is a rule. I've always encouraged my son to question the rules. At my house if there's a reason, I tell him why. Sometimes he questions the rule, but can give me a good reason why the rule should be "bent" and I say ok. Sometimes I just say, that's the law. No changes. No discussion. And he accepts it. He doesn't like it, but he knows after 16 years that it's not going to sway me once I say that it's the law.

I just have trouble figuring out how the rules apply to me sometimes. I think that's why I get so aggravated with this court stuff. Because if I don't follow the rules, I'm severly punished. My ex doesn't follow the rules and he just gets glossed over, but he's doing worse things than I ever thought of.

Thanks again Spokane Girl. I will write down the list of rules.

LOL. Today I had to take him to the mall to finish up Christmas shopping. Before we left the car, I looked at him and asked, "Do you know how I expect you to act in the mall?"

He said, "Yes." He was very patient and I dragged him to more stores than he would normally tolerate. I really think he would have been disruptive though if I hadn't asked him if he knew the expectations before we got into the mall.