Loner?

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Loner by personality.

It'd probably suck if I was an extroverted individual (since I cannot interact with people out there, barring a few). Luckily, I am not.

Oh, did someone call my name???

I still do almost everything by myself. I amaze myself over how I managed to marry a man who loves having a wife that he can ignore but yet have the advantages that a housewife brings. On the flip side however, I love having a husband that put an end to my past headaches of being stalked throughout my life because of living alone.

I used to always have a few friends starting from age 11 until two years back. Spending time with friends without doubt can be enjoyable, but while typical people seem to be living power plants for social energy I always felt like having a small battery somewhere installed with a ridiculous capacity and at the same time huge recharge times
Recharge can only be done during alone time, and as long as I was a student I was pretty well able to plan my social and alone times good enough to be able to meet people regularly.
As soon as I had started working that changed dramatically, social energy was used up fast during work time and I was not able to meet friends that often any more, and once you start telling friends that you can't meet them regularly they are disappearing rather fast and you end up alone, because nobody really understands how you could be too exhausted to meet for a drink, which is supposed to be relaxing and not - as you seem to think - even more exhausting.

The upside is that it's not that bad to do things on your one, anyway. When typical people meet for some activities of common interest number one aim is socialising, when I want to do some activity number one aim is the interest - all that socialising stuff is just disturbing

That is pretty much me to. I hand with my brother, his wife, and kids on occassion. I do like other people, but not I am uncomfortable about them. I also don't like parties, bars, or other large social gatherings. I feel trapped and being on trial. I like to be able to do what I want, when I want. And I am uncomfortable with having to figure out what a friend is thinking about my actions and reactions.

I prefer a few friends that are close. I cannot handle having a great of friends.

Best,

Idaho Aspie
www.AllThingsAspergers.com

I've always been a loner - dealing with other people is often too exhausting.

I spend most of my free time alone (with my dog and my horse) and I value that time quite highly. If I get asked to spend time with other people (socialising etc) I sometimes turn them down because I want to be by myself, even though I've probably been by myself for the previous few weeks.

I would like someone with whom to be companionable but the process of finding that person and getting to know them to the point where we are totally comfortable in each other's company is tortuous, and it's easier to stick to imaginary friends and my dog.

Anyway, I come on WP quite regularly so I'm not alone with all you guys on the other side of the screen. Unless of course you're all just constructs of some clever software and my hard drive

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=WILDERNESSWOLF[/youtube]


I have been a Loner all my life. You might hate to hear me say this but I have got used to every aspect of my life spent alone. I live alone. I go shopping alone. At least you go to the movies, I have not been to the movies since Star Trek IV Journey Home. Too many people in a dark place in Movies, so I do not like it. I have an amazingly vast DVD and video collection. I watch movies only once they make it to DVD because, this I can do in my home. As for family being autistic I am the weird one, the black sheep of a otherwise very social competitive tight knit family. At family gatherings I feel like the outsider. My grandmother called me Lonewolf because, when I was young I reacted to social situations with violence, at the time I did not know any better.

As I grew older I mellowed only the slightest bit as some typical human behaviors became known to me. I was also a science geek and a nerd in high school which did not win me any friends. With almost no effort at all, I got A's in subjects most people work hard, pray harder and still only just barely pass. I had a mocking laugh loud and annoying like Mozart heard by all clearly whenever I accomplished anything totally awesome. I was horrible at sports. Sports talk did not interest me at all. My interests were and are nuclear power, light bulbs, electricity, science, business, architecture, buildings, bridges, tunnels, interior design and more weird stuff like that. I enjoyed business law, criminal law and justice.

In life I had few friends mostly because, I do not understand people at all even when I try my best. Eventually any relationship I am in with a person evolves to a level where everything stops making sense to me and I end up screwing up. For me relationships are like a day at the beach. the start off on shore talking get to know you chit chat I excell at talking about next to nothing. But then if people like me they want to go into the water. They ask more personal or probing questions but the nature of the conversation is still pretty logical factual so I am ok. Its like the relationship waters start at my knees and slowly as the person gets to know and like me the relationship waters creep up slowly. So long as the relationship remains fact, logic and literally based I am fine. When a relationship becomes common sense and assumption based the relationship waters quickly and often suddenly go over my head. While the person trying to be in a relationship with me is still firmly anchored to reality I find myself struggling to stay afloat in the relationship. Eventually so much about the relationship makes no sense to me that I just fall apart or blow apart.

Death of all my attempts at relationships usually happen one of the following ways. 1. I just burn out dog paddling the relationship waters getting nowhere fast and sink back into my life of loneliness. 2. The other person(s) in my relationships become upset because, I am missing so many unwritten unspoken tiny interpersonal cues, communicated by things such as voice inflection, sarcasm, facial expression, environmental change, social norms, and so many other things I do not even know exist yet. 3. I explode in a full fledged tantrum filled rage when someone in the relationship gets mad because, my reaction to some social cue is totally off base because lets face it if I knew how to respond to social cues I would not be autistic would I. 5. I refuse to even consider opening myself to relationships with certain people people like jock's for example because their personality patterns are in my database of dismally failed relationship attempts I never want to repeat in life. 6. I avoid relationships because most purely social relationships have no clearly defined goals that indicate success. Most if not all social relationships wander aimlessly down a winding road that prides itself on sponteanous moment to moment decisions my systems can not ever be fully prepared for. 7. For me to be alone is to be in the kind of total peace I need to recharge my emotional and life management batteries after days spent among humans just doing those things neccessary to survive as an autistic person living entirely on their own. 8. As an autistic I was and am too trusting. I can not meter out my trust like an Interveinous drip. I am a black and white thinking sort of guy. You either get all my trust or none of it. To do shades of gray thinking you have to have a dynamic way of understanding events on many different levels I totally lack. Growing up I got used pretty badly by others who saw in my autism a ret*d like weakness they could not wait to exploit at my expense hence I learned a haterd of typical humans. I eventually learned to forgive but while the hate was replaced by a limited highly structured brand of openness that ws and is constantly vigilent. In relationships my vigilence only trusts people so far and no further creating a gurader defensive way of living that while very secure is often a deep interpersonal relationship killer. 9. I do not have sex with anyone because, sex adds entire new layers of complication to an already impossible to understand social dynamic that eludes me. 10. If I did find a nice person and a stable relationship, my hyperactive weird ways would quickly become too much of a burden with for any friend. Any friend of mine would become my only non-family social connection in this world and trust me thats too much for any one person to stand and I know this. Add to this my inmature interests in all the Lucan the wolf boy TV series stuff, Star Trek, Space: 1999, DVD collecting and other weird things I am not a good candidate for friendship and I know it so I keep to myself.

I have many strong aquaintances people I love deeply but no friends. I have a few really big hairy mean looking guys I call "My Bears" I met in my 28 years spent as a volunteer. These big guys I call family are big mentally challenged men rescued from lives in prisons, mental hospitals and homeless shelters. For some silly reason these big old bears stayed with me, they help and vist me. I help my bears with basic community living skills and challenges of life off the streets and outside institutions. This alliance between my bears and I has love in it but, its also basedon need too so its not likely true friendship since we are all disabled mental cases of some sort. Heck I do not know. Anyways thats me. Hope you liked.

I spend most of da tym by being alone as me parents don't take me enuff outings so i would go out myself, eat out by myself n spend most of my tym in da bedroom by myself but 4 me i feel a lot more comfortable as if i had my parents wid me dey would always argue all day along which would do my head in.

Generally I enjoy being alone, and given the choice, it's what I pick. Exceptions are people with the same interests, or those friends I have made through work, etc., who understand my ups and downs with work life.

I enjoy being with people, but it's entirely too much stress and hassle to pay off.

I believe you when you say you don't like any of them. But that begs the question... Why are you studying them? You must think they are interesting in some ways.

I have that feeling all the time. Last night was New Year's Eve, in which there is so much pressure for people to have something to do, especially people of college age like me. I really didn't feel like doing anything. My family was out until about 11, and I wanted to enjoy being alone until they came back and we watched Dick Clark. My mom told me not to worry about not going out, as did my sister. But I still felt awkward. I wanted to go to one party, but the friend who could get me an invitation got sick and I didn't feel like asking for one directly because I'm not wicked close with the other people who were going. It was a small gathering with people I liked and trusted. My other friend invited me to go to an even smaller sleepover, but the other 2 people made me uncomfortable, and I didn't trust random people might not come by or drugs would be somehow involved and I'd be trapped there because I'd tried drinking or something. So I was really conflicted between staying home, which is what I wanted to do and was most comfortable with, and going out because that's what's expected on New Year's Eve. I opted to stay home, but I always have a paradox where I want socialization because it's expected of me, but in actuality I'm much happier alone, with my family, or with one very close friend.

Yes, I do almost everything by myself. My days are spent by myself...but sometimes, I do enjoy it. Other times, though, it does get lonely.
I do think Aspergers contributes to involuntary lonerism.

Dear AlphaWolf,

I just went to your YOUTUBE site and answered the 12 questions. That was AWESOME! Thanks so much!

Very motivational, thought-provoking, and heart-warming.

Well I can't seem to be able to leave a comment on your myspace, I'm still learning how to work that site.

I found your 12 Questions video to be a really good piece of work!
I really like it and you presented it quite well!

I have ADD/HD but it all still fits for me.

The only issue I had was being able to watch the whole thing beginning to end.
But that's my problem... probably my ADD/HD... I did do it though! It just took a bit of effort.

I would like to watch your other videos also.

Thanks Wolf!


------ oh man what a dunce I am I was watching a YOUTUBE thing... I kept thinking it was a myspace thing... no wonder I couldn't login!

Problem solved!