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That's weird anbuend, right after my son's official diagnosis (he had been considered autistic at about 30 months) at age 5, my husband started having dreams about having to "prove" he was really autistic as well.
Since then, we also have had "professionals" question the diagnosis as well.

For those that don't know, her IDIOT EX husband is claiming that her son was NEVER autistic and his current AUTISTIC problems are created by her encouragement and her claiming that she and her son have AS, and are thus autistic.

She had to present evidence of his autism(through school/doctor reports) to the psychiatrist to get him diagnosed, and now has to prove it to the court to prove:

1. she isn't crazy.
2. her husband is a liar.
3. she is better able to take care of her son.

OBVIOUSLY, if he is 100% normal, she is just some crazy person using him to get attention.

Her, and her son's, problems mimic mine to a degree and she told me about how her son reacted, and she said her son loves her and enjoys being with her. All that makes me believe they DO have autism.

NEITHER one, at first glance, appears out of the normal, so her ex is, at the VERY least, blowing this WAY out of proportion. ALSO, she isn't encouraging him to act weird. I never met her son, but I HAVE met her. She seems like a normal mother and told me some things that few would even THINK of making up.

Okay, that is a completely bizarre coincidence. Please revisit that dream and tell me how it turns out.

The other part of the insanity is that my ex is trying to convince people that I have Munchausen's by Proxy. Now, please tell me what great and powerful attention that I'm getting my claiming that my son and I have Asperger's. It's not even in the top 10,000 things that MBP women do. I've never tried to kill him. The only time I've taken him to a specialist is because another doctor referred me. The only time he's ever almost died was when he had fevrial seizures in front of a whole hospital staff when he was 9 months old. Twice.

Other than that.....no making my kid sick here. I try to keep him healthy. I've always been concentrated on his well being. I don't sit around and think up ways for him to get me attention by being sick. That's truly demented. I have enough allergy and health issues all by myself. I don't need him to get me attention from the doctors.

Okay, tomorrow's the day. 1.30 PM Central US time. Say prayers. Say karmic curses. Say whatever will be most helpful.

Hey Liverbird - all the very best with the court business.
I agree. How demented people are. When you know how very limited and ignorant the support for AS is in the UK, why would anyone waste their time? tch. You could have chosen something 'easy' like ADHD or asthma.

Some people are total tossers. Pity that isn't in the DSM IV. (Oh no, wait. It would diagnose most psychiatrists, doctors, lawyers, police officers, social workers....ex-husbands...)

Oh, Lupin, by the way, 5 years ago when they diagnosed Severe ADD, he claimed that my son didn't have ADD and I had Munchausen's back then, too. Because I got my kid diagnosed with ADD. So, for 5 years, he's been saying the kid doesn't have ADD. Now that I got the AS diagnosis he's claiming that's all he has. I'm really gonna hammer on that today. He's got this kid's lifetime of denial here. I've got reports that say: Mom reports x thing. Teacher reports x thing. School reports x thing. Father denies there's a problem. Tons of them. On and on. Throughout my son's whole life. Father denies there's a problem.
He wrote a very sane sounding letter to the last psychologist and stated that I had a long history of undiagnosed Munchausen's. Oh yeah, and there's the my kid doesn't need braces for his severe underbite and domed palette. He doesn't need face soap for breakouts. He doesn't need to get x-rays for broken bones. He doesn't need a doctor for 3rd degree burns from inappropriate application of medication patches.
Yeah, we got quite a history of medical neglect here. The judge doesn't understand that his inaction is causing a problem. Hell, if it was up to him, my kid never would have learned to talk, never would have learned to run or skip or hop or jump. He would have spun through life with no idea of where his body belonged in space. He is the stable, well adjusted, accepting of his AS kid that he is because I jumped on the early intervention boat and got him help. He wasn't talking, we got speech therapy. He wanted to spin and climb all of the time, we got sensory integration therapy. He couldn't hop or balance, we got physical therapy. My ex's response to all of this and the idea of my son being in early intervention? "What? You are not putting my son in a class with a bunch of ret*d kids". End of story. My son would be sitting in a corner, drooling, and rocking himself to death while banging his head into a wall (no offense, especially to anyone who these are typical behaviours for, but those were the extremes of some of my son's behaviours early on) if it were up to him. I got busy, worked with him non stop and got him functioning. He's been almost completely integrated in school and he has friends and belongs to groups and he is completely divine in his oddity and weirdity. I love him the way that he was born and the way that he has developed and grown. My ex would be sitting looking at that kid he almost was and still saying that he didn't see anything wrong with him.

Sorry. That was a hell of a tall soap box, wasn't it kids? Well, into the shower with me. Wish me luck. Think good and powerful thoughts toward me. I need your empowerment and your energy today.

I keep speaking of how I went to a psychiatrist for social ineptness, when I was 6, but don't generally mention the school psychologist I went to before that. SHE claimed it was my fathers fault! I hate my father, and he was never there, but I can tell you he had NO effect on me! HE, of course, agreed. He would likely say I have no problems. He recently said I had to go out there, etc... HEY, HE is obsessed with a game where he HAS to play with 3 OTHERS! Im obsessed with things that require I am alone. It took him about 30 years, and he almost failed! How long should it take me?

I know I can do this. But the panic attack is settling in. Today is really important. Calm. Don't think about it. With my obsessive brain running over every argument again and again. Fine tuning making it perfect.

Really sorry to hear what you are going through with you and your son's situation. I found reading the thread quite upsetting in fact. You sound like a really decent person and great mother. I just wanted to say good luck and I hope things turn out the way they should.

Hi again Liverbird

I don't know if there's anything I can say to help with the panic attacks. But I think it's normal - your baby is under threat! Having been trhough a child custody case with ex husband years ago I can horribly remember the immense fear and sheer lunacy of it all.

From that I know that it all seems (and probably is) so dire and frightening at the time. Everyone seems to be in a panic about it all - courts and lawyers and social workers exist to fan the flames of these sorts of disputes - not to resolve them.

What I also know is that it does all calm down and come right. In 2 years time you will be able to see that this period was the most awful but that it is now receding into the past. You will have moved on.

Also, I think it's important to remember that (from what you've written) this is about your ex husband's ego. It is not about the welfare of your son. He is using the court system and the authorities to get at you - I think you know this only too well.

The courts etc may be hoodwinked for a while, but your good parenting will at last be recognised (I think I can almost guarantee that!) - because your ex just wants to win a battle publically. He's not interested in really looking after your son and attending to his actual needs on a tedious day to day basis.

Let us know what happened when you have a quiet moment....

bestest
L

Things didn't go badly or extra well for anyone either. But I'm feeling pretty melty and need a cry just because of the stress, so I'll get on and talk about it when I feel more like my nerves aren't just sitting on the top of my skin.

Small mercies, eh? It sounds like it could have been a lot worse. Sounds like you're in need of a much deserved rest. Look forward to hearing about it when you're up to it.

(Your expression about your nerves in top of your skin is brilliant! Never heard that before - works for me!)

Okay, I'm still a little melty and most of my nerves are still on top of my skin, but here goes.
It's 4 am and I've got a whopping huge ass headache and feel like puking, but I think that's just a stress reaction.

Basically today all that happened was they presented 2 witnesses. One was the vice principal of the school down there. I was able to ask her several professional questions about IEP's and why they accepted one diagnosis, but threw out the other, etc. So at the very least, I hope the judge realises that I actually do have some expertise and knowledge of the matter in general. Basically she admitted that all children on the spectrum are different and don't exhibit 24 hours a day. She admitted that she was not an expert on AS. She admitted that the school made a recommendation to down grade my son to a 504 plan solely based on the fact that my ex told them he wouldn't sign for an IEP. So, under the situation of parent won't approve an IEP, the school instituted a 504. I think that I gained a little respect from the judge with my line of questioning. I also got her to admit that her experience was that a parent on the spectrum is more in tune to a child on the spectrum's needs than an NT parent. Ex and his lawyer definitely not happy that I was able to get that in. She also admitted that their school never followed up with the school here to find out exactly how my son was being serviced although they claimed they were concerned they wouldn't be able to provide the necessary level of service.

They also had the shrink that worked with my son 3 years ago who basically admitted that he only had met ex 2 times but gave him a glowing recommendation as a parent and stated that I was simply "adequate". He also said that the current shrink was a quack and handed out AS dx's like candy, but admitted that he had no expertise in autism and wasn't qualified to dx it. He also admitted that we stopped going there for that reason.

My ex testified lying BS. It amazed me that he was able to lie even knowing that I had evidence that would dispute what ever he lied about. I'm glad his wife let him have his balls for a few hours. He also claimed that he wasn't trying to interfere in my relationship with my son. I can't wait to slam that down the pooper. He sure loses alot of brain time in dreaming up ways to make sure that I'm not involved in my son's life.

So today that's all that happened. They are going to continue it so that I can testify. I'm going to have to subpeona both the current shrink and the chairperson for my son's last IEP conference here. I need some experts on my side. I hate to subpeona the current shrink because I'm afraid he'll never see us again and I really like him, but I guess that's a risk I'm going to have to take.

I'm pretty disgusted over the whole thing in a general sense. I really kinna hoped in the back of my mind that my son would be able to come home today. He turns 16 on Tuesday. I've never not been with him on his birthday. It breaks my heart. It broke my heart to let him go home with his dad today. I don't know how much more of this stress I can take some days. I hate having all my nerves sticking out because I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can worry. I can feel like crying non stop. But functioning seems a little unreasonable right now. Of course, I have to use my inside my head voice for all of that because if I don't then my mental stability gets called into question. I'm so sick of hearing about how damn crazy I am. WTF! I know, it's completely crazy to give a s**t about your kid.

So, now you know what I know. I'm not sure that I was successful, but I don't really think that I lost any ground. I need all of you legal people out there to help. PM me. I have questions.

I'm just so sorry - what a mess. But remember, you do not know the outcome! I just hope your son is ok throughout the ordeal. No matter what happens, he still loves you and you're his mother. Forever. In 2 years he'll be an adult and can make his own decisions, which will include you since you've shown unconditional love for him. I'm sure he feels that, despite, or maybe because, he's an Aspie.

I do not know your ex, of course, I am not judgmental, but he seems to be playing 'mind games' and Aspie just do NOT engage in this sort of behavior, nor appreciate it. Your son probably already has caught on. Perhaps the court will too, depending on the adequacy of the legal system, legal representation, etc. You haven't lost. Your love for him as a mother remains constant, regardless.

Plus, the fact that you're upset would be expected! This is not being 'mentally unstable, in any way. Given your circumstances, who wouldn't be upset?

Hope you feel better soon and this is resolved. I wish your son well too.

Well, I woke up this morning after spending the first half of the night with an awful headache and the greater part of the second half on the phone with my son's godmother trying to talk me off the ledge, feeling extremely depressed and drained. I just thank god that my friend and I are never on the ledge at the same time. We'd talk each other into jumping.

I know all of these things in the sane and logical part of my brain. The part that tells me that I am the momma and I have unconditionally loved this child for 16 years. The part that says that I taught him to survive anything. The part that says that I have instilled in him a confidence and an acceptance of his weirdity. He is who he is because I made him that way. He is so high functioning because I got on the boat and I didn't stop rowing until he was able to take over.

Then there's that little nagging AS kid voice that is so not understanding of the seemingly arbitrary rules that don't make any sense. The voice that doesn't understand the mind games. I thought I did a good thing when I divorced him. I thought getting my son out of that hellhole was the right thing to do. Right now it feels like I did it all for naught. It feels like if my son was just going to end up still living in that hellhole in spite of what I did that it didn't really matter. I told him that it was weird being the only AS kid at our house. He said it sucked even more being the only AS kid in his house. At least at our house the NT guy understands it and tries to work with it. There no one gets it and no one cares.

I also hate having to prove AGAIN that he is AS. I just got him there. Very frustrating. I hate his dad for always saying the exact opposite of what I say just for the sake of it. 5 years ago he didn't believe that my son had ADD and now he's claiming that he only has ADD. I just want to strangle him. He's sitting there saying: my son is x, my son is x, my son is x and the whole time I'm ticking off AS traits in my head. I just want to scream at him!

I'm most proud of being able to hold it together yesterday. Is that while I'm feeling so nerves on top of my skin today? Because I had to work so hard to keep it together yesterday. Prolly, huh?

All of these things that I know don't really make me feel any better but they do help me to understand.

I've been defragging and watching Red Dwarf all day. I'm starting to feel a little better. I'm trying to get my husband to take me to see a movie tonight. No good movies where poeople die, so I'll have to settle for a funny one instead.