The Funniest Thing a Shrink Ever Said to You

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Wow.

LOL :lmao


Just WoW.

My therapist was talking to me about how I have dual diagnosis's once, with tourettes and autism and I was yea uh huh uh huh and he said whats yours thoughts about the dual diagnosis's, I was like ummmm, then all of a sudden he pulled out the classic "and, how do you feel" line and i was like Oh idk i'm alittle cold, and my head hurts but thats about it, I'm hungry, i want auntie annes lool. After that he was like "is autism responsible for that answer?" I just sat there in awe, like wtf, how would i know your the damn therapist hahahaha

"You have an obsession with patterns."

C'mon, geez! It makes sound like some sort of nutjob.

And *they* have issues with transference. It's such a farce. Dude, let me tell you - there was never one shrink in my life that I wasn't in a position to therapize THEM. In almost all cases it turned out that way. I felt like sh*t doing that. I mean - come on - I'm there for therapizing - hello? I do NOT want to be ~your~ therapist - kindly refrain from acting so damn stupidly, basically turning me into YOUR shrink. )I'm saying *your* but it's the generic your - not you specifically I just got so sick and tired of it - I could see right through them all. So predictable - I just gave up. There was one female therapist who I actually respected for being cool. I let her lead and I followed. I didn't think she needed to be shrunk so I let her be. But the rest. Take down those diplomas. What a joke.

ugh.ugh.ugh. That *how do you feel* shtick all the way out from Esalen circa 1972. I'm surprised he didn't go all Transactional on you with some *rebirthing* for extra emphasis to make Fritz Perl proud. Oy. Guess he wanted to make *an impact* but do it with the least possible effort on his part. They are so clueless. <sigh>

I hate that question- "But what if X doesn't/does happen?" I guess it's supposed to force us to use perspective. But it's still an annoying question.

Therapist: The reason you don't have any friends is you're aggressive.
Me: Was Hitler less aggressive than me? He had lots of friends...
Therapist: Rolls her eyes and changes the subject.

Therapist: If someone gets angry at you, it's because you did something hurtful. If you get angry at someone, it's because something's wrong with you.
Me: Either way I'm responsible?

Therapist: If someone abuses you, it's because you hurt them and you have to apologize.
Me: Did my ex husband use to beat me up because I hurt him? Should I have apologized to him?
Therapist: No, it doesn't hold for physical violence.

Therapist: You should join the Buddhists. They're compassionate and will tolerate your personality.
Me: I want to be liked, not tolerated out of compassion.
Therapist: Buddhism is very valuable and speaks the Truth.
Me: How do you know?
Therapist: Because it's been around for ages and lots of people engage in it.
Me: So does prostitution. Does prostitution speak the Truth and is very valuable, then?

Therapist: See how you're aggressive? You just got angry at me!
Me: I don't operate in a vaccum. I got angry because of what you said. Couldn't what you said have been offensive?
Therapist: It makes no difference if it was, because I'm not the one in therapy, you are. So we have to work on your aggressiveness.

*

Therapist: See how you hurt your ex friend Rachel?
Me: I only acted that way because of the horrible thing she did to me.
Therapist: Rachel is not in therapy, so what she did does not count.
Me: So anyone can treat me like s**t and it doesn't matter because they're not in therapy?
Therapist: Indeed.

What. The. Hell.

I have to say, I love your comebacks though, Greentea.

Therapist: See how your problem is you're aggressive? Your colleague Sue didn't retort when the boss announced no raises for the 5th. consecutive year, and you did.
Me: You're right. She didn't retort. She just stole his favourite toy and laughed like crazy when he went berserk trying to find it all over the place. She never gave it back to him.
Therapist: Uh-hum, errr
Me: You're right, I'm aggressive. I have to learn to be passive-aggressive like her in order to keep my job.
Therapist: Well, err...actually...yes, erm I mean no, but yes; uhm no.

I ask my shrink why she thinks I have AS and she says "because you're doing very good. You have a job, you're out on your own, you can talk to people and have conversations, take care of yourself."

What does she think of autistics? All low functioning, non verbal, can't take care of themselves, and hold down a job? She knows who Temple Grandin is, Does she think she isn't autistic just because she can talk, has a job, lives on her own and can take care of herself. She even drives too.

"People with Asperger's are incapable of deception"


That's what my therapist said..... I don't believe that's true now.

I love my shrink. Don't get me wrong. However, he once said....

Maybe you should stop looking for an Asperger's diagnosis and start accepting yourself for the wonderfully quirky and creative person that you are.

Since then, he's referred me to several articles on how high functioning autistics view the world and written on each one. "This reminds me of you! " So, he's finally figured it out.

Very cool.

- You're aggressive.
- I'm not aggressive.
- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are!
- No, I'm not!
- Yes, YOU ARE!
- NO, I'M NOT!
- See, you're aggressive.
- I give up.

well that is cool. an empowering shrink - a bit of an oxymoron, but way cool. you lucked out