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Do aspies bring each other down?

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gbollard
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19 Jan 2008, 6:37 pm

Quote:

Is there a rule that if you are attractive you can't have aspergers?

Nope. There are some very attractive people here on WP who have aspergers, so I think your point is moot.

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MikeH106
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19 Jan 2008, 8:58 pm

There's no rule that says you can't be attractive.

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hyperbolic
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19 Jan 2008, 9:18 pm

Some people with AS are happy, others are not. Unhappiness I do believe can spread from one person to another, especially when it is a group of unhappy people and you are a happy person who has to be around them. From time to time I have felt like posting in the Haven, such as when I am unhappy. I used to give advice in the Haven too, but I had to stop when I realized it was making me feel bad to hear all the terrible stories. Now, I usually just go to the Members Only, General, Off-the-Wall, School, Work, and Science forums. Everyone there is happy and usually discussing their interests, not how sad or mad they are about some emotional issue.

aguales
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19 Jan 2008, 11:59 pm

Quote:

Is there a rule that if you are attractive you can't have aspergers?

I think what happens is that if you're physically attractive, people are more willing to focus on what is physically appealing about you and pay less attention to any aspie traits. So of course an "attractive" person can have Aspergers, but that person's physical charisma may perceptually "drown out" his/her aspie traits for the time being.

Quote:

Do aspies bring each other down?

Depends if an aspie is looking for a "pity party" or for someone who simply understands. A pity party is a vortex of self-absorption that seeks to bring anyone within reasonable distance down in the depths of negativity. On the contrary, wisened peers who simply understand, can strengthen one another.

rossc
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20 Jan 2008, 12:21 am

Spot17 wrote:

rossc wrote:

TLPG wrote:

I've been on the other end believe it or not. I've had a fellow Aspie try and bring me down, calling on me to stop fighting because I'll get nowhere so there's no point. I dumped her as a friend after she refused to apologise for telling me how to run my life. She insisted she was being a friend for crying out loud!

All the time I knew her I knew her self esteem was down, and I made a big effort to try and pull her up. And she tries to drag me down to her level. No thank you!

I value self esteem. I put down fellow Aspies who try to contradict that and pull me down in whatever way they do. It's called self preservation because I know what's it's like to have low self esteem and what can happen - and I'm not going back there. Anyone who tries to pull me down or otherwise tell me what to do or think cops it - unless of course it's done politely and constructively (in which case I don't see it as a pull down or some such act).

I guess it could be argued that I'm over protective of my self esteem! Well you would be to if you'd been through what I have!

Ouch! That was not very friendly of you. Sounded like she was trying to do the right thing. Maybe her level was not a bad level to be?

Why bring up what you have been through. All of us are on the spectrum. We all have been through difficult times. You can not compare your difficulties or experiences with ours because you don't know what we have been through. Silly comment. Maybe you need to Get Over It.

I completely disagree with you here (and telling her to "get over it" was uncalled for). TLPG sounds like she did everything she could to bring her friend up; at some point you have to let go and take care of yourself if someone is dragging you down. I do not believe for one second that being depressed and negative is ever a good level to be at.

TLPG - good for you! Taking care of yourself is never a selfish thing to do. You tried to help someone and then realized the relationship was only going to be detrimental to you so you walked away. That was a very healthy thing to do. Being a martyr is overrated.

That is OK. I completely disagree with you too. You control how you feel. Projecting this ability and control on others is a problem in itself. Taking care of yourself is one thing. Another is helping someone who is depressed, maybe a little misguided and not as emotionally strong as you. Sure she may have been depressed and hearing whines and self-pity is not fun or a barrel of laughs. What do friends do for each other? Are they there for the good times only? If the answer is "Yes" then you have never been a friend.

So Hi-five TLPG as much as you like but I think her behaviour is appalling and have no problem sharing my thoughts here on this matter.

As for telling her to get over it, that is apt.
Point me out the person with AS who has had it easy and never had problems or bad experiences. The comments struck me as very much, "I have had bad experiences and therefore my perspective is better than yours". Crap comment considering where she is posting and who she is posting to.

chella
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20 Jan 2008, 12:58 am

I love the way aspie minds work. It's all I've ever known and feels like home to me. Also if the world were only NTs, things would get pretty boring! Aspie's aren't bad, just different :colors:

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TLPG
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20 Jan 2008, 6:55 am

Spot17 wrote:

I completely disagree with you here (and telling her to "get over it" was uncalled for). TLPG sounds like she did everything she could to bring her friend up; at some point you have to let go and take care of yourself if someone is dragging you down. I do not believe for one second that being depressed and negative is ever a good level to be at.

TLPG - good for you! Taking care of yourself is never a selfish thing to do. You tried to help someone and then realized the relationship was only going to be detrimental to you so you walked away. That was a very healthy thing to do. Being a martyr is overrated.

Thanks for your support, Spot - and by the way, I'm male (hence the bolding above).

kitschinator
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20 Jan 2008, 9:09 am

I think that any group on a forum such as this one can bring themselves down by marginalizing themselves from the rest of society.

There are many people with AS who are attractive, successful, and brilliant. The AS mind provides a refreshing alternative to more typical thinkers, and I really believe people with AS have gifts to share with the world if they can find a medium for expressing them.

There are other people with AS who use their disorder as an excuse to be miserable and not put any effort into improving themselves and their lives. I have no patience for those people and I don't apologize for it.

Friends such as TLPGs are not friends at all. Misery loves company, and someone who tells you that you can never be happy or successful because you have AS is just acting on that premise.

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