How Do You Learn Social Interaction?

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The most important thing I ever learned was that to successfully socialize, you have to take a close look at what's going on in the situation, and then act like you'd want others to act around you if you were in their shoes (the Bible's good for at least one thing...). That's the big rule I follow.

If it sounds like a theory-of-mind nightmare -- it is. It's hugely draining for long periods of time, too. But I have the sort of T.O.M.-engine that works nearly as well as Joe NT's once I give it a few hearty kicks and the occasional oil change.

I learn by seeing and then doing. (I was quite an accomplished ninja by watching TMNT )
So I voted Other, for All Of The Above. I learn by doing, by being told, by watching others do it.

My psychiatrist actually suggested that I watch drama shows or movies, and watch how the characters interact.

GA

To revise the idea a bit: I think the best advice to give anyone in learning social skills is to cast aside their self-consciousness.

Could someone clarify the difference between anti-social and asocial for me? Thanks.

Think of it like:

Social - Asocial - Anti-Social

Anti-Social is usually subversive of Society, against society.

Many people are most often mis-referred to as Anti-social when they're just Asocial.

GA

Yes. Might I add (since you did not explicitly state this) that 'asocial' simply means that you don't interact, you're NOT social. Antisocial people could interact all the time, they're just probably seen as jerks.

I learned social skills through lots of trial and error, but mostly error. I started doing this at 16 because that's when I started to realize just how clueless I was at social interaction. I kind of followed the scientific method. Occasionally I had to deliberately piss someone off so that I had someting to compare people's reactions against. I also discovered ways to tell when most people are lying, angry, or upset/depressed in the process as well. I started off using simple scripts for various social situations and have since established a series of protocols to follow for interacting with different groups of people. I freeze up less that way than when using the script method. Please don't ask me to explain the protocols. They may be used to govern the use of language, but they don't translate into language well.

i'm with sean on this one (except i don't deliberately piss people off to study their reaction).

i also think my age has something to do with it. i was brought up in a strict home, went to a catholic girls' school, both of which meant i had very clear guidelines on what to do - it used to be called "etiquette". and as a girl growing up, there were definitely more explicit and rigid expectations as far as behaviour was concerned (i managed to circumvent most of them ).

Umm. Where is the 'Socialisation? Oh, you mean when I choose a game and the other kids play it?' option?

Like Sean, I tend to delibratley annoy people to see what their reaction is, nto because I want to learn something, but because I get a kick out of, I enjoy it...

:: wonders if that makes him a bad person ::

GA

I learned a lot of my social skills through teenage sitcoms, like Family Matters and Step by Step. As I realized later, they were not the most reliable source, but it did provide a good reference point for me to work off of. As I acquired some basic skills, I started to learn by memorizing my social experiences in which I did something right, and did the same thing next time. This worked fairly well, and now I can socialize more or less intuitively. However, when I'm under stress, the worst aspects of my Asperger's come out, like sewage from an overfilled septic tank.

I don't piss people off to study their reaction anymore. I guess I'm just plain offensive now. Unfortunately, I accidentally pissed off a few people on my mental list of non-expendable people in the process of learning social interaction.

I chose "other" because it's the closest thing to 'Social? Why the heck would I want to be social?" Just kidding.

Seriously, I never pay much attention to how people interact on TV or movies because the situations are plot-driven and the conversations are designed for a particular effect. Most of my socialization came from watching and copying other real-life people. For example, when I was in high school and had a girlfriend (her idea, not mine) I used to take her on dates to places where I was sure to be around a lot of other teen couples, and I would listen and watch to see what they did and then try it myself. Whenever I didn't have a role model I would do and say as little as possible so that I wouldn't accidentally do/say something totally inappropriate. It must have confused her at times. I didn't switch to trial-and-error until I was in my 20's and had discovered the benefits of alcohol as a social lubricant. It was only then that I could really be myself because (1) I was too drunk to care, (2) they were too drunk to care, or (3) there's more where they came from. It's not the best way to live, but I learned much faster and spent time with a much wider variety of people.

i wonder if part of my "socialisation" is connected with the fact that i didn't know i had difficulties with "social skills", and so just got on with it, without thinking about it too much. i was always fascinated by psychology, anthropology, people-watching. and i've never grown out of the cry of the four-yesr-old - "Why?"

drive everyone i know nuts. when you're four, it's exasperating for other people. when you're 43, it's called "over analysis", and makes them reach for the blood pressure tablets

My friend has a rather unique way of dealing with social anxiety (which I know may not be what you're talking about, but I just love it so much):

There'll be a bunch of strangers, and when he gets the adrenaline rush that accompanies anxiety, he'll picture himself doing something that will make the strangers so angry that they'll want to kill him - literally kill him.

He actually never gave me examples but it still makes me laugh - I'd never have thought of that in a million years.

Annoying people is FUN FUN FUN!

...please note that "is" is definately the operative word, and is NOT to be substituted under ANY circumstances with the word "are"! !!