Extreme discomfort with gifts, being center of attention.

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The spotlight of such attentions is not unlike the effect of sunlight on a vampire. I smoke, crackle, and burn - all while wearing my pretty smile mask and knowing that my every reaction is being carefully observed and judged. I hate it.

Generally speaking I actively discourage people from giving me gifts. A surprise birthday party a few years ago caused me to have a serious melt-down afterwards. These days I explicitly forbid people from observing my birthday in any way.

I do not react well to unexpected gifts; I have trouble hiding the strange sense of return obligation, that feeling of "Crap! I need to get you something now!" *fret* *fret*

I do enjoy giving gifts, and the act of giving in general; so I suppose there is something of a double standard there; and it is a double standard I am perfectly comfortable with.

Deep down when all is said and done, I really am a "It's the thought that counts..." kind of guy.

Good fortune,

- Icarus gets a special gift every time he gives one...

I love choosing and giving gifts.
Receiving them? Not really. I mean, I like knowing that someone has thought to do this for me... and I like getting things I want, who doesn't? But I am never sure how to respond (is just "thank you" enough? what else should I do? am I coming off as sincere?) and so I usually get embarrassed.

lol :O thats like me exactly. I love the idea of gifts, giving and receiving, but when it happens I get sooo nervous. There's so many expectations for reactions and things and when I get a gift I have no reaction right away. I don't know what to say so a long time ago I practiced and came up with some default things to say. Smile, say wow great just what I wanted, hug, repeat. I worry that it looks really fake and ret*d but no one's commented about it yet. I also hate giving gifts in person because I don't know how to respond to the praise I get. Today I gave my therapist a painting I made and just looked at the floor and muttered words in response to her praise lol. Why can't we all have special individual gift rooms where we can just open gifts and then write letters saying thanks /rambles

I just @%#$ing hate gifts in general! Giving and receiving!

hate it with a passion. it's one thing if my ma comes home and says hey i got you this and throws a bag at me, but the whole planned out thing just does not sit well with me.

get this, though: this girl at my work has only been there for two weeks; she THREW HERSELF a birthday party in our breakroom, which is already tiny and claustrophobic enough to make any aspie die on the spot. it was also mexican-themed, her husband and two kids were there, and she made everyone stay and eat, and bust a pinata. i would be absolutely mortified with embarrassment to force other people (who i know don't care about me) to celebrate my existence, let alone shove a theme of my ethnicity (which i am already ashamed of) down their throats. especially since everyone else in the department are boring, ignorant, rural, whitebread crackers. i was so embarrassed for her. and she wrote everyone else's birthdays on the calendar...with the intent to do the same? my god, if i get a cuban/iranian themed birthday party, i should fully expect the citizens of this town to be beating down my door with a lynch mob.

i like gifts, i don't like receiving them. At christmas it always seems so fake when i try to act all surprised and thankful. i AM thankful but i don't look it and i hate trying to look it. i don't even like receiving compliments, when i do i'll either give an embarrassed "thank you" or i'll make some joke like "yeah i AM the best aren't i" because i don't know how to receive a compliment. i like giving gifts and compliments though, i like when i make other people happy, i just don't like when people give me gifts or compliments, even if they make me happy

I just received compliments from someone on the phone. I'm fairly sure she was trying to butter-me up. I was always gracious and said, "Thank you," but I think that may have made her lose respect for me. Very complex.

Slight tangent, but I recall one Christmas my brother got a microscope which I thought was a pretty cool gift (I was really young, probably 6-8). Then when we went to my great-grandparents where he got another microscope. I noticed his reaction wasn't the same reaction when he opened the first microscope. He didn't seem as excited. I thought this was like double plus awesome. Getting two of a really cool gift is way better than only getting one.

I immediately blurted out how at how great it was getting "another" microscope for Christmas. Of course that didn't go over very well with my parents. I was confused at why my mom was trying to get me to shut up and I thought maybe I wasn't being clear. So I again stated that mom and dad also got brother a microscope for Christmas. At this point my parents and my brother were thoroughly embarrassed and they were attempting to distract me onto a different subject. I truly thought it was a neat thing to get two of the same cool gift for Christmas. I think I even mentioned that he would have a spare one if one of them broke. It made perfect sense to me.

It was a long, long time until I really understood what happened that day.

Ouch, it's tough meaning well and being taken so wrongly.

Any discussion of gifts always makes me think of my dad (who's even more aspie than me) trying to understand the concept of what makes a good gift. He gives things which are really, really functional: one Christmas he got my mum a saucepan; another it was a computer keyboard. I'm just waiting for him to buy her a mop or something. This last Christmas he surpassed himself. He decided to get her a rucksack, and then realised that he had an old rucksack which was better than the one he'd bought, so he wrapped up the old one and gave that to her instead. He still doesn't understand why she wasn't impressed at his ingenuity. He thought that a London A-Z would make a lovely birthday present for her: I managed to dissuade him from that idea before her actual birthday.

I used to find it impossible to buy presents for my dad (particularly as he can't pretend to like things when he doesn't) but now I just buy him the things he asks for. Even though it's usually something along the lines of "A packet of disposable Bic razors." He took up painting a while back which made it easier because I could buy him brushes and stuff. I've just come to understand that he has very different ideas from other people about what makes a good gift.

I also have trouble with determining what would make a good gift for someone.

I like really functional gifts. Especially if they are related to something that person likes to do.

For example I love drinking loose leaf teas. Last Christmas, my favorite gift was an electric kettle.
I use it practically every day and each time I use it I am reminded that my parents gave it to me. So I get a daily reminder that they really know me and love me.

I also like to cook, so I wouldn't mind getting a saucepan as a gift (don't have my own kitchen yet, but that is another matter.) A nice keyboard would be a cool gift as mine is getting pretty old and grungy.

Is the issue that your mum doesn't like cooking or using the computer? Is that why it wasn't a good gift?
The rucksack incident is kinda funny, but if he saw that getting her a rucksack would help her out, then I see wanting to get her the bast rucksack he could makes perfect sense.
Maybe a bit of elaborating on why they were bad gifts and what would have been good gifts (and why) would help give me pointers on finding gifts for my family.

This thread makes me remember a story from my own childhood (sometimes, the memories pop-up through that shield of repression I have keeping them down). Once, I was really proud of a gift I bought for my mother. I think I was 12 or something. It was a cordless hand-held mixer that you can mix stuff up with (like Ovaltine). It was $30-odd bucks. When she opened it, I remember them making a big deal about never giving a woman gifts for the kitchen. I think they must have been kidding, in retrospect, but the memory is marked as a bad experience nonetheless.

I don't like having to choose a gift to give someone. There are just too many options - I feel overwhelmed.

I hate receiving gifts. I tell my family that I don't want anything for Christmas / birthday but they say they won't because they want me to be "happy". I tell them that I will be happy with nothing, and they say "No"! I hate the bulid-ups to birthdays and Christmases, with everyone asking me what I want.

Omgosh you sound jsut like me, i had to go to a babyshower last december, and i had to write down the gifts and who got them for her, and i was freaking out the whole time. AS for recieving gifts, yesss i hate it, i rather just tell them i have a gift and then give it to me in a bathroom or something haha.

I'm definitely in this camp. Always hated birthday parties, no matter whose. Hated being the center of attention at mine, and hated trying to figure out what kind of gifts to get for someone else. I'm known for giving "stupid" gifts. Christmas has become nothing more than a chore I need to get through. I tell my family to give me a wish list, but then they're unhappy because there are no surprises. I can't do surprises. Dec 31 comes around -- Happy New Year! (I don't go out.)

i hate gifts