Let's face it: You NEED a Friend

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What is a friend?

My definition differs greatly from that of many others. To me, a friend is a person that I can talk to about anything. It's also a person who's company is usually pleasant, but this does not mean I want them around much. I can go without them for a month, which is sometimes necessary. I don't need the company, but I've learned to enjoy to associate with some few people. Because of that, I'm here and because of that, I try to keep my friends.

I suppose to me my friends are also a kind of distraction. I rarely talk to them about issues that bother me, but instead I listen to theirs and just enjoy their company when we do something silly and simple as eating together, watching a film at the cinema, cooking, talking about something as crazed as Wajas. I'm always amazed by their train of thought, by what they say, because it is something I most likely would not say or think in the same situation.

I've come to find that in the past three years, other people can be indeed an emotional support. Just not the usual kind of supportive and listening support for me. I don't see how it is supportive to me to cry in someone's arms or why it is necessary to talk about problems with other people. My pet is more supportive in such a situation than a person is.

There's now one exception though. That is when the problem is something entirely related to social interaction. Then I definitely need all the advice that I can get.

So... they'd probably count as 'social outlets' for other. I call it friends. (They do too, so no worries there.)

I have work friends I like talking to during a break, but I'd still rather eat alone and read than sit with during lunch, and have no desire at all to socialize with outside work. Then I usually have one or two real friends, but only call them every couple weeks or so, and only hang out with them every couple months. Sometimes, I wish I had more friends, or spent more time with the ones I do. But at the end of the day, i'd just rather be alone most of the time.

All I need is to feel a connection with someone or something. In my case it's my interests and forums like these. I'm good to go if I have those things.

I don't exactly "need" friendship, but I do like the feeling of not being alone so I do need connection of some sort.

I have been told quite simply "I don't want friends".
I have decided to leave that topic with Damo for a while since he really doesn't get the idea of friends and friendship at the moment.
I don't understand his reasoning but accept his opinion.

i cant imagine anyone who lives thier life completely alone

I don't think that many people here would disagree with you, Obstinate.

I think the majority of people here really want meaningful friendships but are unable to form them. The people who say they don't are kidding themselves....although I do think that some of us (myself included) have a much lower "social need" than your average person.

I still think that people with AS can develop better social skills. They can learn in an intellectual capacity, so they should at least be able to learn somewhat in a social capacity. I feel that my social skills have greatly improved, but I doubt they will ever be up to par with a lot of people's.

I think it varies. When I was growing up I didn't really want friends in the real sense, just being around people in school was more than enough. I didn't relate to them and I was bullied. There was a period when things were better and people were friendly to me, however I didn't reciprocate properly. Even in my first year of university when I was starting to want friends I realized I had failed to reciprocate several people would were trying to be friends. The rest of university was dire. I managed it in the end.

However I did it by finding the ideal social terms that I could deal with. I struggle with the interconnected 'social network'. When I met my friends we didn’t have any social ties with each other, we were not part of a homogeneous social network such as a school where people are supposed to interact daily. It made this easier somehow. We have something in major in common. Social anxiety.

Ah yes, the terrible catch 22 of being an Aspie, wanting friends, yet not wanting to become too dependent? It really is hard to find a balance. I think that all comes with communication. It's often hard to tell when you're talking too much, or you're bothering someone, or they're just not feeling good. It's really hard to find that out, I admit. But regardless, the times where everything's just fine are really great.

It's just, I see many people here talk about they don't need any friends. As hard as it is to make friends, just to make one or two is quite enough. And ones that really make you feel welcome are the best. In moderation of course .