Has anyone ever said they know you better than you do?

Post Reply New Topic

Then don't be the controllEE, be the controllER!

That's one very cool trait about us Aspies- we get things done, AND we come off with a very emotionless personality; and it scares a LOT of people. I love the fear, to be honest.

And right there, you're showing second-handedness, which I can't believe so many people on this forum are now showing. Good- LET the public be convinced that you're brain-dead or whatnot; I think the public overall IS JUST THAT!

People fear what they don't understand- they have since Day 1, and they always will. You can't change other people; you can only change yourself, and how you react to those people.

Here's how I see it- well, I've never really been accepted overall, so why should I care for it now? If people accept me, great. If they don't, my life ain't over. I have so many other things to do- goals in life and whatnot; and I WILL achieve them. Let them do what they're going to do, and I'll do what I'm going to do.

To quote Doctor Who #1- William Hartnell- “One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to me I am not mistaken in mine.”

I have a friend who claims he knows me better than I know myself.

Hah! Wrong! He knows the ASPECT of myself that I present to him. He doesn't know the parts that I show to my parents, or the parts I show to my girlfriend. He doesn't know all of me. I think making that sort of claim is arrogant in the worst way. It's denying someone's intelligence and self-knowledge and that's incredibly insulting.

My friend and I don't talk very often anymore.

Oh ana!

You are so where I was at your age. You are blessed in that you know why you are where you are... and you don't even know it.

How do you get past the fear? How can you get to the point where your self-esteem is strong enough that no matter what they throw at you, you will come out smelling like a rose?

You have a long row to hoe. If I can be so blunt.

You are the only one that can control yourself. You have to stop thinking that what other people think of you is important.

G-d it makes me scream everytime my brain says "but what would the neighbours think" or something similar.

You have been trained to worry about the neighbours.

You are so sweet and eloquent and allowing the poison that has been your relationship with your mother to dictate your life is something you have to figure out how to get past.

I got lucky. I was able to put a label on what was wrong with my mother and got help for ME to deal with her by going to Alanon.

You have to find a way to bring yourself to a point where not only are you the person in control, but where you are not about to give up that control to anyone and do it from a stance of calm and collected.

I know that sounds hard and it really is.

You have to look at the people around you, figure out who is a real ally for you. Who loves you regardless of your quicks and quirks. Who is willing to go the extra mile to be your friend regardless of what you say, or do that is really inappropriate. When the people who are closest to you are the people who accept you for who you are EVEN if you make a mistake, then those are the people who should be in your closest circle.

Oh, I don't know what else to say, but know that your value lies only in what YOU think of you, not in what others think of you.

TheDoctor82 has some great thoughts expressed there too.

I wish I had a magic wand and could just wave it and erase your pain, Ana, but I am afraid that this one is going to take some time.

Aside from us on this board, do you have a support group that you work with??? If not... use this board as your support. Everyone here is here for you.

Let me see if I can say something helpful.

In Alanon I learned that when I let myself obsess over something I would end up in a downward spiral and even the little things would become big; huge even. When I went to my Alanon meetings, I would talk about what was going on and how I was feeling and I would go home feeling better. The idea being that a problem shared is a problem halved.

You'll find support and friends here. Some who have been exactly where you are, I think.

Another thought that might help: you are doing the best that you can with what you've got at this time, regardless of what other people want you to think; you may or may not be capable of better, but only YOU can know for sure what you are capable of.

I said to my hubby today, "what is it with people who belittle you" and he said "anyone who belittles you, very often needs to find a way to feel about themselves."

I hope these thoughts help somehow. My heart goes out to you.

Ugh. People like that, who think they know best for you, they really annoy me. The only people I let get away with it are close friends and my family.

I know of a perfect example in my life right now. I'd say, but they're watching me, and would report me to the mods over it. Maybe even think of it as being in my best interests. So suffice to say, yeah, people have said it. And they've been wrong, too.

People, especially my mom, THINK they know me better then I do, but they are usually dead wrong. A good example is when my mom accused me of getting stuck it a rut as a result of using my AS as a crutch. It is annoying how often people accuse you of moral faults like laziness or lack of willpower if your issues aren't obvious as, say, blindness, a missing limb, or mental retardation.

My mom used to claim she knows me better than I know myself. Well after the Deaf-Blind all pushed me away and after all my Deaf sighted friends started lying on me about how much they work...*NOBODY* knows me personally anymore!! ! I know myself personally but don't nobody know me personally anymore! My parents see me every week but I have piss-poor communication with 'em cuz they refuse to learn sign so they still don't know me all that well...and sure as hell NOT better than I know myself!

You are so lucky they admit it!




Oh yeah, they've been wrong with me too. And about the member on WP, that's scary. Another thing I'm also scared of is WP getting shut down or some scared group of parents going to a judge and getting the judge to order the mods to delete, lock, ban, whatever in order to make sure nobody ever talks about parents' mistakes.

Censorship can be a real pain.