People going cold turkey on you

Post Reply New Topic

You are not trying hard enough. You have to reject everything about you. Something that most people are not willing to do.

This kind of thing has happened to me a lot, too. So much so that, like many of you, I just kinda expect it to happen.

The experience that I have more often then a close friend suddenly bailing is that a friendly acquaintance will suddenly avoid me just when I thought we were getting to be good friends.

Like for example, last year one of my sons new teachers would call me, and e-mail me just to chat. She'd share personal things about her life with me, and called me a friend. Then, suddenly, she started avoiding me by always being in too much a hurry to chat right now. You know that sort of thing. Even I can take a hint. Makes me wonder if she was just being nice to me, or if I just don't grasp the progression of how friendship should work. I just don't know. I want to ask, but it's too awkward, and even if my view on the situation is correct, she'll most likely tell me that I am her friend, that she really is just too busy to chat. Which really makes my head spin, because then I doubt my own perception.

Pretending I was normal nearly drove me to suicide, ten years ago.

it doesn't really seem like a very emotionally healthy thing to do, to reject everything about yourself. that seems like self hatred. if you spend all your energy pretending to be like everyone else, when do you get the chance to develop your own talents and strengths?

It isn't emotionally healthy. But chemotherapy isn't healthy for cancer patients. There is no choice. I know rejecting everything about me worked because I have done it.

I told myself that is it not my fault that the way I am, but I can change.

i'm 40 and in a professional career at a top university. i would never dream of rejecting everything about myself. i've learned the necessary social skills i need to flourish at what i do. i've built bridges in my head to compensate for what my brain doesn't do naturally. but i'd never live in self hate. God made me this way, i don't live with such loathing that i want to be someone else. i like me, honestly.

and .. there is always a choice. i'm glad that worked for you, i don't think that's great advice for everyone though.

You're right. It takes an incredible amount of determination and understanding to do what I did. I am not sure most people could do it.

I've had the same thing for most of my life to the point where I guess I've essentially cloistered myself away from people. I've never known why, that and the general perception of being the square peg in a round universe.

To get to 31 and not know you have Aspergers is, well, tricky

I've never known what is was, beyond being the seemingly odd square peg, and I can tell you it's horrible not having the answers but always having the questions....

I've only just been given the answer, and I have to admit I initially felt a sense of deep sadness, not fully understanding what autism was let along Aspergers, I had horrible thoughts, of being handicapped, broken, unable to ever 'fix' certain schisms I have, whatever negative analogy you care to think of I could have applied at that time.

Since, and it's still been less than a fortnight since I found this out, I've read. Places like this help immensely, and give a great deal more insight and understanding into both this state-of-being, and how it relates to me, rather than the drole and dry facts you get from medical sites which are initially make rather blunt, objective reading.

I agree that it's probably not a good thing to over-obsess over this as that will take over your life, but anything taken to that extent is going to be negative eating, drugs, being an aspie, whatever.

The one leveler in life, aside from the fact we're all going to die, is that none of us understand 'it' this life, reality, whatever you care to call it, from the Pope to the local banker to whoever. There perhaps isn't an answer to find, but there are literally billions of interpretations of it, and I think the more we share ourselves with one another (whether that be through real-life or internet) then we will be able to learn more about ourselves.

Neuro-turkey topic

That is NT behaviour at its extreme.

I was advised years ago to do the best I can.If those insensitive gadfies do not like it, then to heck with them. They are not worth the effort.

I have had it happen to me but, I decided on a 2 pronged approach:

1) Learning NT social skills
2) Then, Looking for like-minded people who will put up with my quirks. Because, they are not going away!

Serenity,

I know what you mean in your example. I used to believe it always when they started giving me the "busy" line. I was 40 when it dawned on me that they were lying, in order to distance from me. I've felt liberated since that day, because now I know it means good-bye, and I forget about them rather than wait, as I used to, for the day they'd have some free time to spend with me.

Gadflies! I love it!

After seeing so many with the same experiences as mine, I wonder what in AS makes us liked at the beginning and not liked later on...??

Maybe that we were different. But they didn't realize how different.

Yes, that sounds very possible. Maybe because we relax a bit and behave more like ourselves.

It's actually happened with someone on here before.

It's such a... door closer... if you ask me.