Aspergers & deadbeat dads–Aspie more likely to be absent

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I bet there's a way to do a good study on this topic. Just brainstorming . . .

First, the researchers would need to agree on a definition of "dead beat dad". Then they could offer free counseling and psych dx screening to men who have biological children under the age of 18, whether or not they are involved in their children's lives. Participants would be screened for AS as well as other possible DX's so that the study would not attract high numbers of possible aspies. They would then be interviewed about their relationships with their biological children. Then a social worker could give them some advice/counseling based on the diagnostic results and the results of the interview. And they could be paid for this. I think a lot of men would sign up for that, aspies and NTs, dead beat dads and good dads.

A lot of studies are advertised very vaguely ("Women ages 20 - 50: Get paid $50 for a 15 minute interview."). I've volunteered for studies like that to earn extra income when I lived in a city with lots of universities. Participants are debriefed, or filled in on the details of the study, after they have fulfilled their role in it.

Sad about your dad and your brother. There’s nothing worse than trying to please someone who you just can’t or who constructs his life to block you out, like your dad’s hobbies seem to have done. I think the AS traits, some others have mentioned here too, like the Dad who is just preoccupied with flying the plane now, can get in the way of family. I think sometimes these are not real interests but an escape mechanism or avoidance tactic at times. My dad too seemed to have a lot of friends and superficial relationships but a family relationship was too much to handle.

I think with you the breaking things and being loud in his house was a reaction to realizing that he was consciously being quite mean and cold to you both, but indirectly, by just not being willing to communicate and interact with you properly, and you were too young to articulate it clearly so you reacted emotionally (after all, he wasn’t using language was he? But he was communicating something with his behavior). As a father he shouldn’t have messed with you by pretending not to understand and refusing to communicate in a real way. If the kids get it, I’m sure the father does too. Selfish people are not blind people, they just find it easier on their self image to pretend not to see.

I can even fit in there. I'm an Aspie, and my parents were never married. I am rarely in contact with my father, haven't spoked to him since Christmas. He's supposeably too busy. I can believe it, he lives to work. He would rather have an independant job where he has to physically bust his ass from the time he wakes up to the time he sleeps and just barely gertting by than have a good paying job and have some more free time.

As for me being a father myself, if I were to have a kid, I would dedicate myself to being the father that mine wasn't.

As far as divorce, I've got myself the perfect woman whom I can't see ever divorcing, although we are not married (yet).

Good points!

I think the biggest way to get people to sign on would be the financial motivation. Or to actually get the information from the single mothers and children (although the information would be second hand so probably wouldn’t stand up). I think a lot of absentee fathers might stretch the truth when questioned, especially if its just for the money (and there’s a good looking lab assistant, say)… (too bad there can’t be a lie detector installed in the room, like on 24…

I don’t know how one would go about screening for AS. Maybe a written evaluation? Perhaps it would be better if they did not know it was a psychological exam or for AS (I know my dad would run for the hills), then write a ten page philosophical treatise about his harrowing experience and send it to ten government officials… So yes, I agree, if it was advertised vaguely and are debriefed after their role, I think that would work.

It is the family court system that makes the majority of "Deadbeat Dads" most of them are not that way out of choice
they are forced to pay money they can not pay and have their family ripped form them and are treated like criminals. ask most of them if they would like the chance to support and nurture their own children and they would like nothing better. Sure there are bad people out there but the system is deeply flawed and the casualties are many.

I'm so sorry for your experiences and that you did not have the father figure in life you deserved as a guy. Your so young and yet you have a really noble perspective on life and your future. You should be very proud of yourself.

Last edited by nory on 04 Apr 2008, 7:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks a lot, I appreciate it.

One thing that makes me proud of myself, is when I talk to my girlfriend's mother. She goes on and on about me being the perfect man. She says for an 18 year old, I've got my priorities straight and there could not be anyone else for my girlfriend.

I wish you both all the best luck!! It’s so nice that she recognizes all your good qualities and how important you are them and tells you so, without just taking it for granted. Best wishes!

My dad has many Aspie traits, and he has always been there.

I don't know of any "official" studies, but I will say that every single absent/deadbeat parent I've known has been NT. Not saying that Aspies aren't or can't be, of course, I'm just saying I've known plenty of deadbeats and none of them have been Aspies or ASD. A lot of them have been NPD, though, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, where everything's all about THEM.

My grandfather was probably a hf aspie or autie. I don't know what kind of dad he made.

But he sure made an awesome granddad!

Nory, I think you have the quotes mixed up. I had a great father. My father was very active in my life up until he died. We played golf together when he was 75, right before he died.

I think the quote was from CowboyfromHell, whom I wanted to tell that he can't live in fear of repeating anything his dad did. Dude, you'd probably be a great dad and husband because you're introspecting and get the mistakes that were made. Many don't/can't do that. Also, sounds like you've got respect for your gal which is a big start. I'm a married dude and I can say that respect is really a big part of marriage because you won't always agree with your spouse. But, you have to respect them if not the relationship won't stand the test of time.

Hi, Yes I'm sorry! I did know it was CowboyfromHell but for some reason or other your name popped up there and I did not notice it. I'll go back and edit it if I still can. I think its because I wanted to address a portion of his quote not the whole thing so I cut out most of it and wiring got crossed.

It makes me wonder if cutting and splicing quotes as I tend to do is considered acceptable message board etiquette? Things can be taken out of context as well.

What a great memory of you and your father... Best wishes!