Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

Putting yourself in other people's shoes

Page 2 of 2 [ 19 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

angelgirl1224
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Dec 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 537
Location: england

05 Apr 2008, 11:44 am

I do try to put myself in someones elses shoes but it is hard sometimes i guess. I guess sometimes its hard to imagine yourself in a persons situation if youve never personally experienced it yourself. I think most people find that hard. Its much easier if you have experienced the kind of situation or whatever, because then you can understand better.
xx



Zonder
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,081
Location: Sitting on my sofa.

05 Apr 2008, 3:05 pm

ChatBrat wrote:
Maybe lack of empathy and compassion is self preservation.


I agree with this. I've always been emotionally sensitive, and often I could immediately tell if people were not happy with me, even if I didn't know why. The emotional sensitivity was very difficult to deal with and lead to anxiety and depression when I was young. I ended up shutting down my emotions, empathy, etc. to protect myself, which led others to think I was cold-hearted. I've had to re-discover empathy and a level of feeling that allows me to care for others without putting myself in a bad emotional place. I've said in another post that some of those with ASD seem to have a dysregulation of emotions, (you can put empathy in there), but not necessarily an absence of emotions.

Z



ArtisticAspie
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 17
Location: Charon - Pluto's Moon

05 Apr 2008, 10:44 pm

TheRani wrote:
I can understand the feelings of others on an intellectual level when I have enough information about the person.


Quote:
One thing I still have a lot of trouble with is greeting cards. At work, if a co-worker experiences a death in their family, my other co-workers and I will all chip in and get them some flowers and a card or something. The problem arrives when I am expected to sign the card. Nobody just writes their name on it. They all put some sort of personal message to the bereaved co-worker. Wonderful messages that they just write down very quickly and they sign, and pass the card along to the next person. And then it arrives at my desk. And I stare at it for like half an hour or more, trying to decide what to write, because they would probably just think me rude if I only signed my name or if I copied the same thing they wrote. So I think and think about what to write on it. Eventually my co-workers are like, 'Um. Are you finished yet? So-and-so still needs to sign it." So after being paralyzed for so long by my indecision, I hurriedly write something lame and pass it along, and then for the next several hours I am distracted by my mind, which is still thinking about all the stuff I could have written


I understand feelings on intellectual levels too. And find it very hard to sympathize with anyone about anything unless I know a fair bit about that person - or I have experienced a similar thing myself. People have often tried explaining to me what I should be feeling or saying to someone who has just had a pet die (for example) but not until recently (a few years ago) did I actually know what it was like to have a pet die. Now I can show sympathy for other people who have experienced it and know some of the right words to say. Sometimes. If I was presented with a card - different story. My mind seizes up and goes blank. Even when I can maybe identify with what the other person might be going through, trying to say something helpful and considerate other than 'hope things get better' or something lame like that, is very hard for me. When I have to write a card for someone, I will often let other people write their bit first, and then read the bits to get ideas - doesn't always work though.

It is good to know that I am not alone in this, might help me next time when I am presented with a card for someone. :)

AA