'How are you?'

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That one's an akward one for me. Most small talk chiches are, but as simple as the "How are you?" line is expected to be exchanged I mess it up at least half the time. Sometimes I forget to say "fine" before asking "how are you" back, but the worst is when I realise half way through my response and combine it in.

Person " Hi. How are you?"
Me " Hi, are you.... fine....???
or " How hi are you?"

i say apathetic and they do this face

I thought How Are You meant, how are you feeling? Are you happy, sad, upset, what?

I have always answered it the same way every time. If I answer it honestly, then people are going to want to know why I am feeling that way and bam the conversation starts and I am not up for that.


I never ask people "How are you?" I'm not interested in how they are feeling.

I generally respond with just a 'fine', but I use 'how are you?' not so much to ask about feelings (if I am depressed I will still say fine) but to ask about what is going on in the life of the other person. It becomes an introduction to anything big they might want to tell you or you them - like the fact you have a job interview or something. If I have something to say that is interesting in response to 'How are you?" then I usually forget to ask about the other person.

I think that most people can be confused if it is a greeting that is not commonly used - for example someone in my last lab used to say What's Up? and even the NTs in the lab didnt immediately realise that he didnt want to really know what was going on. I think in this situation you can just say Hi back, or say more if you have something to say that might interest the person.

Yeah, people who ask that really aren't wanting to know usually how you really feel... It's just a greeting.. you can answer short responses like "fine" "o.k." "could be better"--- which might illicit a "what's up?" type response... and then you can talk more...

My Dad used to tell me how irritated he would get when he asked "how are you" and someone went on and on and on, like for example:

Dad: "How are you?"

Irritant: "Oh... I've been having this post-nasal drip lately and I get alot of mucus stuck in the back of my throat.. this causes me to cough so much, my throat is really sore now... I'm having to use alot of chloraseptic to help with that.. My doctor tells me I'm highly allergic to mold.. in fact my allergic scores for mold were off the chart... Anyway, How are you??"

I hate that greeting. I still have trouble with not answering honestly. Actually, I am not capable of not answering a question honestly, even though I know an honest answer isn't expected. So always try to as fast as possible think of an answer that is true while still sounding like an expected answer as much as possible.

It's difficult; I end up getting really confused. But I usually manage a reply. Though I always forgot to ask "how are you" back.

I know its polite to ask it but I dislike it. I am good at it now though if I think its just the plain bit they tag onto hello, so they say: "Hello, how are you?" I reply, "I am great/fine thanks, and you?" Easy, done.

Sometimes though I get stuck because it is not always the easy one as above and then I am in trouble, it requires time and thought whilst I consider which kind of hello and how are you it is. Do they want the bare bones or did they remember something and want the next bit of info?

Worst is in places like the dentist or similar, they ask how you are and then if you say you are well, then that doesn't make sense if you have a toothache or something. I now don't answer at all if health professionals ask how I am. I let them move onto the next bit or I launch into the toothache bit.

If I'm not doing real well, and am in a dentists office or doctor's office, I usually say:

"I'm hangin' in there" So as to mean, I'm having difficulties, but haven't given up hope... (and hopefully, they can help me)

It's fine if it's a sort of I acknowledge you existence type of thing, but you can just say hello for that.

I don't know. I don't like being asked it as an automatic thing (at work, when someone walks in and sees you, but they saw you a day ago) but I like it when they do care how you feel (like a friend, a family member or someone I actually haven't seen for a while or who knows I've been annoyed/upset/sad etc. recently).

I usually just say hello to people, except for the above reasons or if I say it automatically or if I think the person will take it personally if I don't ask.

I've learned that the majority of people do not care how you are doing when you ask that. I could respond and say "I couldn't be doing worse" and some people would be highly ignoring of it.

I got in a conversation with my boss, we both said "how are you" and "good" at the same time. It's just to be polite.

I mean, if I asked it to one of my friends and they said bad, I'd be listening and ask why. I'm not speaking about myself when I said the former.

In Switzerland there's a popular answer to that question: "Es muess" - which translates as "it has to". It is really an often-used answer among friends, acknowledging that life has to go on even if it's a drag (as it usually is for people in full-time employment).

From conditioning, I'd say, "fine". Even if I had a bad day at school, and my mother asked how was school, I'd automatically say, "Fine."

Nowadays, I like to ask it when I feel I've estblished a connection to somebody, because I am interested in how they are doing. I have actually said in reply, "Ohh, could be better, just one of those kinds of days, you know?" And often the other person says, "Ohh, I know what you mean. Had a day like that yesterday. Hope you'll be better."

Somehow it puts the two people in a momentary connection, a fleeting sense of of humanity in a hectic day. If it came to further connection though, I start getting a bit lost.

On days when I'm tired or really stressed, I revert back to the automatic, "fine". Just too wiped out to go further than that.

When people greet me with "How are you?", I feel like telling them the truth. That would surprise them.

What gets me about it is not only is the person not actually interested in your current state, you know they're not interested and they know that you know they're not interested.

I've tried for years to get my head round the fact that people do this, accept it as normal, and are offended when you don't follow the 'script' right. I've still not managed it.

Yeah but for me it's sometimes hard enough just to get the script right. I want to just get it out of the way without being percieved as stupid or implolite. It would be way harder to actually really think about how I am or how I am feeling at that particular moment, describe such and then have to come up with explanations. That seems like alot of work just to mess around with someone who, trying to be friendly only meant "hi".

can't complain...
doin' fine...
etc...

FDR (President, mid-20th Century) got that question a lot. To prove that people weren't listening, he use to say "My Grandmother just died", to which most people would say things like "Splendid!" "Great!", etc...

not making that up....

i would answer 'not bad'