So Aspies really can't tell ANY emotions from faces?

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Not only am I clueless about body language and looks on faces (unless you have decided to kill me with the axe you are carrying, I can usually catch that look) I laugh at using those little emoticons because I have to run my cursor over them to identify what their look is expressing.

Merle

It all depends on the individual.
In general, aspies will have an impairment in their ability to "read people", but it can be learned.
I can tell when people are happy (smile/laughter), sad (upside-down smile and/or tears) and angry (yelling at me). This doesn't come naturally though, and is kind of "mechanical". Such as, to identify if a person is sad I might ask myself..."Is this person quiet?, can I see a frown?, are there any tears in this persons eyes?, are they making a sobbing noise?"...I'm guessing this isn't how most identify "sad".
I have more of a problem with responding to someones emotions than reading them. I've often been accused of being rude and insensitive when I was only trying to help someone (online and in real life).

Normies, I like that expression! Much better than NTs!

EvilKimEvil: I have the exact same problem, I make the wrong expressions and don't realize. It gets me into trouble a LOT!! !!

in AA we always called the non-alcoholics 'normies'

Sometimes I can read emotions o.k... Other times, I can tell that someone is upset or not quite right... but I don't know why or exactly what emotion it is..

The other day in class, the next to the last class in the semester, 2 people had red, kindof watery sad-looking?? eyes... I wasn't sure why.. they looked tired or sad to me when they would direct their gaze at me... I tend to take things personally sometimes and even wondered if I may have inadvertently offended them by not properly reading their body language or missing some social cue or even saying something that could mistakenly be misinterpreted as rude even though it wasn't my intention...

Later, it occurred to me.. maybe they could be sad because it was the last day of class? or maybe they think I don't like them because I'm not feeling the same overt sadness? I just honestly didn't know... and wasn't able to ask before class let out..

Then, a friend of mine I talked with today happened to mention that his eyes were red and itchy because of all the pollen and allergens in the air.. it was his ALLERGIES that caused the red and watery eyes.. I wondered, could THAT have been why the 2 people in my class had red, watery-looking eyes??? and looked tired as well? Allergies can drain people's energy... I'll have to ask how they are next time (and possibly the last time) I will see them just to know for sure..

Things like that are confusing to me... Sometimes I won't notice the emotion at all if it's subtle.. but usually if it's overt anger or crying, etc.. I WILL recognize it.. Quite often though, like the story above, I will notice some type of emotion, but not know WHICH emotion it is -- or what's going on with them.. that's where asking question and clarifying things is a really good skill to fine-tune -- so there's not as much confusion... hopefully.

Early in life (up until my teens) I had a very hard time reading emotions/social cues, but with age & experience, I've learned to pick up on the more obvious ones, like anger, attraction, etc. The ones I still have a hard time with is when someone's upset (sad) or any number of 'mid-range' emotions that I can't put a finger on (slightly miffed? Mildly Perturbed? What are those?). What I really havea hard time with is telling whether or not someone is joking with me. Sarcasm, when obvious, is easy (my mother is the queen of sarcasm, so I learned well), but there are times when I think someone is being condescending or sarcastic with me and they're really not. It's those 'grey areas' that still trip me up.

If you meant NT then that was an insult. Just because they are good at something you're not doesn't make them not have it. Maybe they worked on that skill so they got better at it as they got older. We learn as we get older so our AS gets less and less.

me i have neutral face...only smile in here

But a leopard not only doesn't change his spots, a leopard can't change it's spots.
I remember a monologue by Whoopi Goldberg, where she talks about being a young black girl with yellow yarn for her long lovely white girl hair, she would pretend she was a Barbie. She even tried bleaching her skin with Clorox even though her mom said it wouldn't work and she only burned her skin. She said that is when she learned she was black this time around and she better get used to it.


I am not going to become an NT no matter how old I get. I can pass more and more as I age but it peaked in my 50's and now it is getting harder and harder to maintain as age starts to creep in. One thing that remains constant is my Asperger's Syndrome.
(Hurray! something I can count on!)

of course, your mileage may vary,

Merle

Last edited by sinsboldly on 25 Apr 2008, 12:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't see it as faking. I see it as we learned.

I agree with you Spokane Girl, I've seen a few posts even just in the last few minutes where people have pretty much said "Well you're not real aspies then." Like you said, some of us learn, others are a little higher on the spectrum than others, and not everyone is affected in the same way. And why is everyone using "You must be an NT" as an insult???

Because they're jerks?


Because they are seeing that an aspie has a relationship or they are real successful or they are better in something like talking to people, and because they don't have that, they say those people don't have AS to make themselves feel better. If an aspie is so unhappy about themselves, they can start working on their skills like learning to become more flexible, learning to cope with anxiety, learn social skills like go to a library and check out books on social skills or read about AS and learn what not to do, read books about relationships. Jerry Newport wrote a book for aspies and non aspies about relationships and he gives aspies tips about how to find a date, and he also tells them rules like the three strike rule. If you ask a guy out three times and he says no, don't ask him out again because he isn't interested in you. Jerry had to be told that by another guy because he scared a girl out of his math class because he was harassing her she says. He kept asking her out and she kept saying no.
Aspies can also learn tips from their aspies friends or family like about how to judge personal space, how to keep a conversation going, etc.
They can also learn coping strategies too like if they plan their day lets say, they can also plan an alternate routine in case something happens like the power goes out, they can do something else they planned like read or draw or listen to music on their CD player, anything they can do where they don't have to plug something in the wall to keep themselves entertained. If they have a laptop or a portable DVD player, great, they can use that to watch their DVDs on.
I always plan alternate routines so that I won't get uptight or uneasy when something goes unexpected. Like the time I drove all the way to Spokane to see Weird Al and the tickets were sold out. I was dissappointed but I wasn't upset because I had planned an alternate routine. Hanging out in Spokane, go look around the the stores and do the Benny & Joon tour. That's what I call it, it when I go and look at the locations that were in the movie Benny & Joon.

I think too many aspies use their AS as an excuse no offense. I certinally didn't want my condition to cripple me and stop me from living a independent life so what did I do, I fought through my anxiety, I fought through my inflexibility. There were lot of times at my last job when my boss could have fired me but she didn't because she was willing to work with me. I used to wig out when I had to change my routine, when I had to do something else that wasn't expected in my job, when I had to take a different route when I pick up laundry from all the other housekeepers. I also showed rude behavior by blocking guests, invading their personal space because I didn't pick up on their cues and I didn't know I was in their personal space so my mother gave me this rule. Hold your arm out when you are standing next to someone and if they are less than your arm length away, back up. Everyone should be an arm length away from you or you are in their personal space. If they are more than your arm length away, you're okay. Only time you don't need to follow that rule is if you are in a real crowded area like an elevator, on a bus or train, etc.
I also learned to multitask.

I am convinced all these aspies who do it are just jealous that another aspie has a better life than them just because they have a job or have a relationship or have friends etc and what do they do about it, they play the "You don't have AS" card.

That sounds like me when I decide to "play it by the ear". Usually I have to have everything planned out beforehand, but sometimes, when I'm feeling in a good mood, I set out with two or three possible plans, remaining open as to which one I will follow. I call this "playing it by the ear" and feel very daring when I do it.

I'd also point out that the official diagnosis criteria stress difficulties in using non-verbal communication. I find this is true for me. I'm not completely hopeless at discerning other people's facial expressions, but my own non-verbal communication is markedly different.

I can tell what people are feeling, it it is happy, sad, or angry. I don't understand anything but those three. :S and I really don't express emotion much.

I did a test online (if I find it again I'll edit this post & put the link in) - it was very interesting in that the one emotion I was completely unable to read was "contempt" (or any amalgamation of it with anything else).

All I saw in those pictures was "indulgent amusement", "wry amusement" or "sardonic amusement".

It was actually pretty shocking for me because I have been looked at like that many times, usually when I have lost my temper in public or done something else which would be considered "aspie weirdness" - and never realised that people were being contemptuous of me at all! (In fact I would be more likely to shout "It's not funny!" at them!)

What was really really interesting though is that when I feel contempt for others, I give them an icy glare & then ignore them completely - it would never occur to me to look "like that" at them!