Stalked by a fellow Aspie - any ideas?

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Unfortunately, not an option Daniel, because she tends to text and call at times she KNOWS to be disruptive and inconvenient, like times she knows I will be sleeping...so my only option is to switch off a phone that should really be on for genuine emergencies. That's not workable.

M

Why don't you bite the bullet and change your e-mail address and/or get a new phone number? Just set your current e-mail address to block all incoming e-mails and start fresh with a new address. Yeah, it's gonna take some work on your part.

For one thing, she is stalking me by phone, not email...so the email address change wouldn't achieve a thing. Very few Cyberstalkers make ANY direct approach by email these days anyway, it's just too easy to track and prosecute them.

However, I have done these things before, in other situations, and neither is worth it:

a) When you change a main phone number and/or email, you are allowing the stalker to, almost inevitably, cost you many, many important contacts (it's like backing up data before you "Format C:" there is ALWAYS a folderful of the most important get lost for ever).
b) It never seems to work as any more than a temporary measure to do this, and just isn't worth taking the loss over.

At this stage it seems that this woman's activities extend beyond me to the extent that she will probably be prosecuted whatever I do.

Where the Cyberstalker is concerned, as she is publicly slandering me (and causing me considerable actual damage) rather than contacting me directly, I have two choices:

a) I can wait for her to get bored.
b) I can REALLY "bite the bullet" and begin the tiresome and protracted process of pursuing prosecution across jurisdictions.

Frankly, if a) doesn't happen sooner, rather than later, it will have to be b)...and if I have to go to all that trouble, I will also be seeking damages through the civil courts.

M

PS I had better state this in bold caps I HAVE NO REASON TO SUPPOSE THE CYBERSTALKER ALLUDED TO ABOVE HAS AS

So it sounds as if the first person you mentioned is very likely to be prosecuted at this point. Having another one pop up right now is a real nuisance. Have you taken any boxing or judo lessons mechanima? Doing those things, and keeping a cricket bat handy at home, and a high quality ball point pen with you can be a help. Practicing hitting, throws and sweeps can put you in a frame of mind to actually use them in a pinch. A Trainer named Clint Smith says "In an emergency, you will not rise to the occasion, you will default to your level of training." I hope you are already avoiding the use of high heels and head phones in public.

...but how can I EVER hope to defend myself without a gun UNLESS I wear high heels.

NEVER underestimate the impact of a well aimed 5" heeled shoe...

Offline, I am 6 feet tall AND VERY fit indeed...bluntly, nobody has ever been daft enough to TRY and take me on physically.

I'd say the first person will be prosecuted no matter what...and so will the second one...it'll just take longer...

I would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank the person who contacted me to suggest that I might have a LOT less stalkers if I frumped my avatar down some (:oops:) .

M

He targeted members of the autistic community in an obsessive and manipulative manner. He would try to talk other autistic people into suicide sometimes. He also made death threats to autistic people and to autism groups. He would get people's contact information, pretending to be in trouble and needing their support, and then harass them (and their children, if they were parents) in a vicious manner.

Unfortunately I have come across people like that myself...and I only wish it was rarer behavior.

Sometimes I think that the biggest kick of all for these twisted people is to feel that they have the power to talk another human being into ending their life...I certainly feel strongly that is what the Cyberstalker wants to do to me, whether she is consciously aware of that or not. What is more terrifying is that she claims to work with deprived children and I get the impression that much of her bullying is practised and habitual. *shudders*

The Aspie phone pest isn't even in the same kind of league...I think she is more like a drunken, spoiled child who believes she can bully people into liking her...and probably has since she was in school.

Edited to add:
It just occurs to me that the first kind of stalker maybe the next stage - when people like the Aspie phone pest finally realise that you can't bully ANYONE into liking you?

M

Last edited by mechanima on 04 May 2008, 2:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

what an idiot. Did he ever convince anyone?

I recently had to deal with a similar situation. A friend who had Bipolar Disorder started stalking and harassing me. She was very manic and delusional.

Reasoning was not possible. I ignored her, but that did not help. I talked to her friends. They were in the same situation as me and did not know what to do.

I tracked down her parents and called them. They were concerned, but they could not do much to help because they lived far away and did not have legal guardianship. In fact, she figured out that I had called her parents and "got revenge" with further stalking.

So I called a mental health crisis line. They sent out a Crisis Response Team, but she hid from them, suspected I was behind it, and again used it as an excuse to harass me even more.

I knew that I could go to the cops at that point - that was what the phone company said I should do when I asked if I could block her #. But I was afraid she'd end up in jail when she really needed to be in a hospital.

I should have gone ahead and called the cops, even though it's not something I'd ever want to do to a friend. The cops did get called eventually, by someone else, when she was even farther distanced from reality and even more of a danger to herself and others. The cops took her to a mental hospital and they committed her. If I had called, the same thing would have happened - before so much damage had been done.

EvilKimEvil, was that in Texas or here?

That really IS an uncannily similar situation...

Except that I don't have as much information yet, about her full name and where she lives (I honestly never liked her enough to notice either).

The consensus of people who know her also seems to be to go ahead and calls the cops now, it's just a matter of getting her various different targets communicating so the comnplaints can be cross-referenced.

Nobody has any real taste for doing this...but there doesn't seem to be a realistic alternative.

Yes, I would like to wring her neck, but the flip side of that is that there is no way for me to assess just what kind of state she is in to be doing this, nor for me to presume she does not need help pretty urgently...and just hope she "goes away" - as I did before.

Sometimes (though not always) even the most obnoxious and abusive behavior can hide the most terrible distress. I have to recognise that there doesn't seem to be anything calculating, or "strategic" about this (unlike the Cyberstalker I mentioned).

M

Usually a stalker-type is delusional or a schizophrenic type that has a make-believe world and doesn't see the reality that you don't like him/her.. or they think they can "rescue you", etc..

In this case, because she is an Aspie, for sure??, maybe she isn't understanding? Really drive home the reality of it all for her if you can... Write a letter, maybe send it certified return receipt too, explaining that her contacting you is very upsetting and has driven you away.. and she MUST stop contacting you or you will have no choice but to end up doing something that will could give her a life-long criminal record. REALLY Sink that into her head... maybe she'll get it..

hope that helps... There's a book out there for people who have an addiction to a person.. can't remember what it is called.. maybe she could read that though and find something to divert her from thinking of you, etc.. Do you know if she does that to anyone else? or is it just you?

Well Felinity,

That's the thing, I knew she did it to one other person before (a guy who wasn't interested in her) but I found out today she is doing it to a few other people right now.

At first I tried to explain to her, but whatever I said she's just get it into her head that the reason I wasn't her friend was a "punishment" and all she had to do was "serve her time" and I would be friends and do everything with her. I couldn't get it through to her that I did not want to be friends because I have no interest in her and nothing in common with her (and yup, later I DID try to get it through that the fact I cannot stand her might be an additional factor, that's when she tried blackmail I think)...

It's as if somewhere in her head she couldn't join the dots and recognise that there is more to friendship than her wanting company. She was exactly the same with the guy she stalked, as if she honestly thought that all the was required for them to have a relationship was for her to want one and that even who he was as a person, let alone what he wanted, was totally irrelevant to that. I know, at the time, he was very offended by the extent to which she objectified him.

Strange you mention schizophrenia, because I remembered today that one of her addies may have had "scap" in it, and when I googled it turns out to be a schizophrenia related acronym...so perhaps her dx is more complex than she told anyone?

She certainly has a drink problem, and, in my experience, drink and women never mixes very well (except for me, of course, I am just common or garden omnipotent, omniprescent, ominiscient and perfect with a few scoops on board ).

M

baseball bat to the kneecaps mayhap?

From my personal experience of the person in question, they have the severest asperger's I have ever had the displeasure to witness, and it seems she also has rapid cycling bipolar disorder. She is experiencing severe metal heath issues, well beyond Asperger's, that started (subtly) in mid-October last year and deteriorated from there. She was banned from an Aspie social group for her behavior in early March, we were very patient but there was only just so much we could take.

Mechanima is one of 5 people, who have all received mountains of texts and calls from her, beginning in December. Her current abusive phase began last week, after a temporary respite. She is now targeting 2 people (that I know off). I used to receive 30 - 50 texts from her on a bad night in January, she was just seeking attention. She rang me last week too, she just laughed allot, she seemed drunk.

It is regrettable but necessary that legal action must be taken, but on a positive side, I hope she gets the help she badly needs.

I have to be fair here, I am not sure if she has Asperger's at all, let alone particularly severely...after all said and done, AS is not a mental illness, nor a personality disorder, nor is it typically delusional in nature.

Put bluntly, if she really had *severe* Aspergers she would probably be a great deal saner.

That being said, she certainly has some very severe mental health and emotional problems that might easily relate to some kind of attachment disorder - combined with a truly staggering amount of booze.

...and anyone who thinks this only began in mid-October last, most definately "should have gone to specsavers". Because I haven't even seen her since August and she was in a pretty severely disturbed state long before then...and "subtle" would not be a word I would use in connection with her at all.

I also think that she "puts on" a certain amount of her disturbance as "attention seeking" behavior and part of her drink problem, but, as they say, you have to BE pretty darn crazy to choose to ACT that crazy.

Having said that I do not think that any criticism attaches to the AS group for trying to be tolerant so long. They are, after all, a group of adults and the mature decision they made to be exceptionally tolerant, and show compassion, is only to their credit...

...but there really IS only so much flesh and blood can stand.

Somebody has, very kindly, now provided me with her full name and other details so that I will try to approach her family, in the (fairly forlorn) hope of averting prosecution.

Meanwhile, if anyone is going to the guards I am happy to make a joint complaint. I even think it is kinder to this person to make one, combined, complaint that sticks and sorts things out ,than to keep "nibbling" at the situation individually.

As you no doubt realise, some of the things she does may, at any time, get her into a lot worse problems than a criminal record if she is unlucky...and her luck can't hold for ever...

M