Are you selfish?

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I would also say, self absorbed rather than selfish. It's rotten for people to insist that you're somehow being 'selfish' by reading a book instead of playing with the other kids, when a) the other kids are getting on fine without you and b) the minute you try and join in they'll start picking on you anyway.

But, krex is right, you can easily get exploited if you're less able to recognize what people's motives are, and I was very naive when I was younger. It took me some years before I realized it was OK to say 'No' to people, and of course, those people who'd been used to me always saying 'Yes' would then accuse me of being selfish!

There's the other social thing, too, with being female. I've lost count of the number of times I've been called 'selfish' for simply having personal interests as a married woman that have nothing to do with housework/looking after hubby's needs. I don't 'get' why this should be so (and fortunately, neither does my husband!).

For me, real selfishness is not about following your own will - it's about inflicting your will on other people regardless of whether it benefits them or not.

people find my desire for solitude or lack of interest in team-related activities to be 'selfish' - that is very frustrating from my perspective

I think I really was selfish when I was little. I didn't think about other people, I wanted everything my way. That's how we appear to other people because of those reasons. What I mean by thinking about other people is their feelings.

I went through stage of being really selfish, now everyone insists I'm not at all but I'm pretty sure I am.

Well yes, you are.... everyone is.... but I expect you're being so in a passive and submissive way, rather than more aggressive and dominating kinds of selfishness (like my own).

Seems to me like you're just trying to stay curled up in a ball to avoid getting hurt.
And selfishness needn't necessarily mean that anyone else is coming to harm by it... but you are basically doing it to cater to your own worries.

I wouldn't recommend trying selflessness though. It is ultimately self-destructive.

I have experienced being regarded as selfish, yet I am a very giving persojn. The fact is that the Aspie function leads me to wander in my mental landscape - a socially selfish response to being in a group setting. It isn't something personal, most NTs just can't hold my attention. I actually socialize better with music, television, or video games to co-occupy the minds of NTs. The distraction of another stimulus closely reflects what my mind does for/to me, so we're all on equal footing, so to speak.

I do see how selfishness can be perceived in my behavior, but I would say it has more to do with my mind not being stimulated by the topics of social conversation - I don't care what so-and-so has been doing or talking about, and I think less of the other person for wanting to tell me about it. People who talk about subjects of inquiry rather than gossip do not think I am selfish.

Other things about which I am "selfish" are my taste in food, my love of NPR, and my refusal to answer the phone when I don't want to talk to someone. As a child, I was very possessive of the things I had that I liked, but I was okay with letting others use it provided my ownership was acknowledged. I got into a lot of fights because most kids accepted ownership as a fact of life, like I didn't trust them or like them because I wanted a clear verbal acknowledgement of my ownership. Looking back, it was an inability to read social cues on my part, but I don't think I could have explained it to other kids even if I had known it was symptomatic of AS.

i have been called selfish but no matter what angle i look at the situation fromi genuinely think im not

I haven't been called selfish since I was in my early teens. I don't really show it anymore, but deep down I still am a little.

I am selfish. I was particularly selfish with my exhusband - I used to make him do things I wanted (needed) to do all the time. At the time it seemed imperative that I did these things, but looking back it was horribly selfish.

Yet, as one person already pointed out, everyone is selfish to a certain extent. Even so called selfless people are doing what they want to do by being selfless. It is possible that NTs are more aware of the long term benefits of being apparently selfless than we are, so will act unselfishly in certain situations in order to benefit at a later date.

A couple of years ago I was friends with someone who seemed incredibly helpful and unselfish. Yet she told me that she always did what she wanted to do. She is a really good manipulator of people - always gets people to do what she wants and always gets what she really wants. And she gets this by being kind and helpful. I tried to copy her for a while, but it didnt work - I spent a long exhausting time trying to look out for situations to help her and others in. Ended up getting used by her and rejected for being too in her face. So I have gone back to my old selfish self.