Holidays and Aspergers

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I get overly excited about Christmas and my own birthday but I've never been overly excited about Halloween, except when I bought the first two Halloweentown Disney movies on a DVD, otherwise, I haven't.

I used to hate holidays, because the always involved extended family gatherings. Now, my extended family is *huge*, with lots of young children, and, as one can imagine, it's nightmarish to deal with someone as the point on the Asperger's spectrum that I'm on.

What I realized as I got older, though, is that the problem wasn't so much with the holidays themselves, as the gatherings that are generally associated with them. So I stopped going to the gatherings as often and focused on my own traditions by myself. My family gives me constant grief over this, but to me it was the only logical thing to do.

On Thanksgiving, for example, I prepared my own meal with trimmings, listened to a song I traditionally listen to on Thanksgiving, and watched football, plus mixing in some my usual daily activities. I enjoyed that. I even look forward to Thanksgiving, which is afterall at roughly the same time every year and involves a predictable pattern. Without the noise and chaos and socializing, it's actually quite enjoyable.

I have a little bit more trouble with Christmas, which has fewer non-communal aspects and non-communal traditions associated with it, and more religious overtones (Though I have an intense interest in religion, it tends to cause me emotional distress, so I tend to shy away from it when I can manage). It seems like more of a disruption than anything else. There's no football to watch or traditional meal to prepare (I'm not a big fan of baked ham, which is probably the closest thing there is). There is also revved up pressure to attend family gatherings and give gifts I can't afford. What I am thinking of doing there is coming up with some sort of routine around it, even if it's not one that would be typically thought of as relating to the holiday. If I can come up with solitary traditions that I enjoy, I think I might come to like the holiday better. I also have to opt out of holiday gift giving, if possible.

The other problem is that around Christmas time, I tend to become even more aware that I don't have a wife. Even when I am dating (Which usually for some reason I am not around Christmas time), the girlfriend often is unable to spend time with in the days leading up to and out of Christmas due to other commitments (Her family, friends, etc.). Meanwhile, I am barraged by cheery people and holiday ads featuring happy couples having romantic Christmas Eves and so forth. It makes me very heartsick. I'd really like knowing more than to curl up by a fire with someone I love on Christmas Eve and spend the day together.

I have mixed feelings. Fear of not liking a Christmas gift. What if I can't pretend? I visit my parents for Christmas each year. Can they understand or at least believe me that I need time alone and can't be with them 24 hours a day? Will the person I sit with on the airplane be someone who is quiet or will I have to put up with constant chatter the whole time? If so I'll just pretend to sleep or bluntly say I don't feel like talking.

I don't see my parents often and only travel for Christmas but still it's a lot of stimulation. And trying to limit how many activities I have each day. And hoping they don't think I'm rude when I hide in the guest room for hours a day when I can't socialize.

At the same time I get excited to see them and want the gifts.

Uhura

When I was a small child I ran and hid in a closet on Christmas holding one of my old toys. I think the whole thing was just too overwhelming and didn't understand - maybe I thought the old toys were supposed to be taken away or something. My son also got very upset when he was little about the presents and not wanting to open them right away. I knew to just let him get acclimated to the idea and now he is fine with Christmas presents. Still though the whole regimented idea of Christmas (not the actual meaning of the holiday itself) is very stressful because you are supposed to do certain things in a certain way and other people get upset if you don't. A few years ago I convinced my husband that instead of stressing out over cooking a big meal we could just order Chinese take out - which he really likes Chinese food and thought it was a great idea. That way we could just have fun and relax. My inlaws invited themselves over for dinner however and even though we told them we were just ordering out they thought that was a joke and got really mad. Of course it was funny listening to them complain about the food while they were loading their plates for the second and third times.

Also nowdays I don't have anyone to spend the holiday with, and I'm afraid people I work with or people in my apartment building will find out and feel sorry for me. Also people in general online groups I'm in. I have to pretend to be going to a "friend's" house.

When I did get invited places though, I would chicken out at the last minute because I was afraid I'd bring the wrong gift, or wrong food, or wrong something, or do something weird...of course this would result in not bringing anything which would be more disappointing to people who were expecting something.

I live in a really small place with a tiny refrigerator, so am not sure if I could actually invite people here. Of course if I did I would worry so much that no one would like the food or have a good time, that I would probably pretend to have caught strep throat or something so that no one would want to come over.

Most of my problems now with holidays involve social anxiety. I never really have a problem with overstimulation or noise. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have had it as a kid if I hadn't been an only child in the 1960's when things were probably quieter and less stimulating than now (and with older, staid parents). I really can't tell though and I've gone over and over it again and again trying to find problems with noise or stimulation and the only thing I can come up with is I didn't like to get too close to train whistles when I was about 4, so maybe that was a sensory problem.

The Christmas Holiday seems to be one of my obsessions. From Boxing Day i start counting down the seconds, minutes, hours and days until Christmas of the next year. Now we are at this time in November all the Christmas Decorations are going up around thw town centres i am getting very excited (perhaps too excited). When it is time to open the presents i hate it if anybody has any more presents than me even though they are worth the same value. I can eat a full tin of miniture heroes on Christmas Day to my self leaving out the crunchies because i don't like them. I know there are some in the house at the minute though my parents have hid them well because i havent managed to find them yet (if i had there would be none left!)

I am also waiting for our christmas decorations to go up. hopefully wont be long now. Its only 30 days now!! !

I get very stress out having to deal with the relatives on holidays such as Christmas. I have trouble dealing with "Why are all of these people in my house?" There have been a few family gathering over the last several years where I have ended up crying in my bedroom. To take a break from the people I often go in the bathroom and sit.

As a baby/ young child I was not all that interested in opeing presents and left alone, the presents would probalby have sat around for days, still wrapped. I'm still not one to hurry on Christmas morning, I'd rather sleep in.

And one final thing: My parrents have made homevideos of us opening our presents nearly every Christmas. I allways apear awkward in these videos expecially what I say. My little sister born when I was nearly 8 is much more photogenic and comes across with the expected emotional interest, which makes me look akward.

I always kinda liked the ritualness of Halloween and Christmas. Same time every year, the music, the sights, sounds, smells... very familiar. And getting presents, having new toys to play with and fiddle with and organize... but I know I get easily excited, more than usual. I'm on edge a bit, and am much more prone to emotional breakdown... but I like it too.