Are you allowed to be as Aspie as you want to be?

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Earthmom...I'm glad this opened a positive dialogue with your spouse and some new exceptance for you as well (far more important, because when you have that, you don't allow for the other...discounting by others )

I also like your analogy and it is very like my own mantra, since finding WP.

"A fish is not a broken bird"

I think it also fits with how we may have difficulties in functioning at our fishy best when we are expected to do so in the air instead of the water...(I'm still holding my breath trying to get through a day at work until I can return to my natural water home .)

My husband was like this to some degree. My routines upset him, the way I thought upset him, I'm not really sure if there was anything he actually DID like about me somedays, it wasn't a comforting feeling at all. It was a constant battlefield, I could "change" if I wanted to...try this new medication, stop doing that, why do you think like that, you're wacked, you're crazy...he wanted me to change and when I tried and couldn't...he started hating me because of it.

We are divorced. In the 10 years we were together I realize now that I was never able to truly relax around him, we have one son, and you can STILL cut the tension in the room with a knife everytime we have to deal with each other on a one to one basis, he still ends up making me feel inferior most days, although I'm getting better at ignoring it.

What he never realized, and probably never will...was the fact that I DIDN'T do the things I did just to annoy him, I do the things I do because simply...it's just the way that I am wired. He finds comfort in his un-organized life surrounded by friends & family, I find comfort in my routines, hobbies, and a less social atmosphere. I think the way that I do, because that is the way that I am...I am as stressed by "his world" as he was by mine. Sometimes we were able to meet and dwell in peace in the "middle ground", but unfortunately that wasn't often.

Your husband sounds at least willing to try to accept that there are differences that he can't "change" even if he may forget somedays, he's willing to talk...that makes a world of difference. You can change a lightbulb...you really can't change a person...not their genetic make-up anyways...not who they are....and this is who we are, it's a part of us we can't change.


Me? Am I happy? Yes, now I can say that I am...I wish the same for my ex also. Would I ever marry again? Doubtful...I've found peace in being alone, it's not my preference somedays but it's peaceful...after spending way too many years trying to explain myself, apologizing for things I can't change, or trying to change to suit someone's taste...I'm finally able to be myself. Just me and my son now....and my son accepts me just the way that I am.

I am who I am, and I don't change how I act for anyone; if I don't wish to talk, I don't. If I wish to sway when I stand for that's what I innately do, I don't stop myself from doing it. If I derive pleasure from saying phrases I like repeatedly, I will. If I can't do something for I haven't planned for it (routines and rituals), I don't do it; I owe people nothing.

I am not allowed to be myself most of the time. My brothers say I am a freak, and they bully me if I try to be myself because I am a 'freak'.
Many people I know do the same thing, so I am usually myself when I am alone or with people who are like me.

i dont act as aspie as i want to be, i feel like i have to pretend. theres so much i would like to do but cant because of societies social rules.

I have found that being my natural aspie self in this NT ruled world doesn't help me. I often pretend to be NT to get by but im not a sellout. I'm still proud to be aspie. Aspie power!

Yes. If people cannot accept me for who I am, I should not have to assoaciate with them. Why should I have to pretend to be someone I am not just to please someone who does not even matter?

The only AS thing I really have to hide is my obsessive nature, but that's more to be polite than anything. Everything else about me just comes off as me being eccentric or an a**hole, can't say which connects to which trait.

No.. but why should we be?

I mean, when it doesn't affect anyone, all good, but i've been told off for doing quirky things at work that aren't tolerated there.

Earthmom's comparison with animals (Z animal amongst flock/herd of X animals) reminds me of the "Ugly Duckling" story-not that we turn into swans, but that there's nothing inherently wrong about being different from those around you. If one were surrounded by those folks who were similar, one wouldn't be seen as being a problem because it would be the "majority" way of being. So people just aren't used to the unexpected, but that doesn't make the "minority" bad/wrong/out of step merely because it's less frequently encountered. It's a numbers (proportion of population) game (perception/interpretation).

My answer to question posited at start of thread is mixed. I'm agoraphobic, in part as consequence of social fear/discomfort-if I felt it were safe for me then I could be however I am "out there", in public. At home, alone, I can be however I am all the time. My boyfriend is amazingly accepting & nurturing towards me. He admits that my explaining about meaning/implications of dx helps him be understanding (it enables him to be more patient & tolerant). I got this dx only a few years ago (while in midst of divorce), and my current bf & I had just begun our involvement. So we both learned about this around the same time, gradually.

Never hidden it.

"Allowance" never featured into it.
I've always been openly outrageous... and the more people object, the better.

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