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Obsessive normalcy

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Mysty
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05 Aug 2008, 4:37 pm

corroonb wrote:
I think its an interesting idea and I apologise for my part in the tangent.

People always want to appear normal because if they don't, then they will suffer for their unconventional ways. Aspies also want to appear normal for the same reason and some of us are obsessed with social rules because of this. The difference is that a lot of this kind of "fitting in" comes naturally to most "neurotypicals" but not to most autistics I think (certainly not me). I have to consciously learn what to do and how to behave by observing others and copying them. I have no intuition for socialising at all. I'm aware that all of us auties or aspies are unique individuals and we fit in with varying degrees of success. My failure to be diagnosed before I was 23 perhaps indicates that I was better or more determined than some others at simulating the normal behaviour of those around me. However I have recently given up on this pantomime because it made me feel depressed and "inauthentic".

Simply put, I think most aspies are consciously rigid and most NTs are sub-consciously (or automatically) rigid.

I hope this isn't off topic. I have a tendency to talk about myself a lot too.


I like your thoughts.

I think the idea is, the things that NTs might look at and see as obsessive, those are the kind of things that are natural to us. They aren't looking at aspie attempts to look normal and seeing obsessiveness in those. Rather, our obsessions with things we like.

It's those things that we do that are rigid and obsessive, but also natural that are like the rigid and obsessive normalcy that, according to the book, NTs often have.

I can actually see this from both sides. I've dealt with people who are so rigidly stuck in expecting normalcy that they can't see me for who I am. But I also recently realized I've been unfairly doing that to someone I love and care about. And the book suggests, to it's NT (though it never uses that term) readers, that the need to let go of that rigid normalcy when dealing with autistics.



corroonb
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05 Aug 2008, 4:52 pm

Quote:
I like your thoughts.

I think the idea is, the things that NTs might look at and see as obsessive, those are the kind of things that are natural to us. They aren't looking at aspie attempts to look normal and seeing obsessiveness in those. Rather, our obsessions with things we like.

It's those things that we do that are rigid and obsessive, but also natural that are like the rigid and obsessive normalcy that, according to the book, NTs often have.

I can actually see this from both sides. I've dealt with people who are so rigidly stuck in expecting normalcy that they can't see me for who I am. But I also recently realized I've been unfairly doing that to someone I love and care about. And the book suggests, to it's NT (though it never uses that term) readers, that the need to let go of that rigid normalcy when dealing with autistics.


It sounds like an interesting book and I might have to track down a copy. I try to accept people as they are and if they are not breaking the law or putting themselves in danger then I tend to respect their freedom to do, think and say as they please. I hate it when people try to force their concept of what is "normal" (and therefore right) onto people that see the world in a different way. Some people insist that others emulate their viewpoint and appear angry if such emulation is not demonstrated forthwith. I think both those with autism and those without could do with being a good deal more tolerant towards others in general.

I have done this in the past when I have tried to convince my younger brother to read even though he has never expressed any interest in it. I think I interpreted his rejection of books as a threat to my favourite pastime and this made me angry to some degree. I have since learned to refrain from such behaviour and life is a lot easier as a result. I have the belief that no one can be right about subjective opinions. One can be right or wrong about facts but not opinions or beliefs.