How I avoided being fired for AS

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Wow, good luck for the future Greentea. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.

Aren't you in Israel?

There's an Asperger's association there; I'm sure they could hook you up with a relevant psychologist/psychiatrist if you need official documentation.

Today I summoned the courage to ask and was told that indeed for now at least I'm staying, and they'll see if I improve. I know my chances are slim, but I'm doing all I can anyway.

Greentea, I am proud of you and I wish a ton of luck.

In certain professions image is important. Unfortunately. I don't know what your field is, but if your work involves any client service well, there is actually a reason for caring a bit about image.

Which could be why most Aspies are in professions that do not involve any client service.

I am glad that your boss has taken the simple step of telling you when he wants you to leave, etc., instead of relying on non-verbal cues and getting annoyed that you seem to not respect them. This is progress. If you can politely encourage him to continue being specific and verbal, things may continue to improve.

Long run, if they can see that the positives they get from you as an employee outweigh the things they don't care for, they will keep you. That's your goal: show them all the positives they get from you as an employee, that they may not get from someone else. I have no doubt that there are many. AS comes with gifts, after all.

I'm sure now that they've seen how hard you're trying and that you're willing to try and change and improve and take advice on things they'll be much more willing to give you a chance - it's that whole give and take thing isn't it? Well done on being so pro-active about it! When I'm at work and I'm doing something 'aspie' and feel I need to explain myself, I just kinda vaguely go over the symptom without mentioning AS at all as well, I find it's much easier than having to go through a whole syndrome and risk discrimination over it.

My job is international hitech telecommunications sales coordinator and commercial coordinator. It's one of the worst jobs for an Aspie, because it demands WAY ABOVE AVERAGE social skills. I handle multimillion dollar customers in the telecom field in 20 countries, plus the internal customers (the loads of primadonnas I give service to within the company).

I have two opposing bands that I'm in the middle of, and they all blame me when something goes wrong between them. Being an Aspie, I lack even the basic survival skills in such a social jungle. I've survived so far in the company (1 year) due to my EXTREME dedication (which earned me a prize a few months ago), my absolute love of the job (I never tire of it) and my enthusiasm, and because I have ALL the experience and skills required for the job, which are practically impossible to find all together in ONE applicant, however much they may look. This is why they're still keeping me. I'm not outstandingly good at what I do, and the social weirdness tops it all and tips the scales against me.

Yes, lekiwi, that's what I meant to convey with this thread: that I think we can sometimes get understanding and sympathy and get cut slack for our AS if we just mention our LIMITATIONS without using any scientific terms such as Asperger's, autism, meltdowns, stimming, etc. and without graveness. I said to HR, lightly "I'm hopeless at understanding what a person wants if they don't tell me with words, I was just born stupid in that area, please help me understand what's bothering my boss."

I failed some interviews due to "communication / eye contact" issues. Actually I am a great communicator, its just the style, and in some interviews just a bit too non-concise. anyhow in australia we have non-discrimination laws. In government jobs and university jobs I can disclose my AS disability and the bastards wont be able to dump me over eye contact or lack of animation in communication or nervousness. of course you would be nervous in a job interview. my referees have no problem about my communication. of course they know I'm a weirdo but they liked me anyway and i have displayed competence at work. Actually some types of tasks i am slightly incompetent, eg working on complex lab tasks, but i had great organisational skills and writing skills. ie enough for a government job that doesnt involve complex lab tasks.

I am seeing a psychiatrist to get my dx. I presented as "mood disorder" but I will try to also get them to include aspergers in my dx. I have a PhD. I can do better than working in retail ! !!

It might just work.
Not so much because you will do things "right" more often -- he probably doesn't really know what he wants. But at least you've found a way to kiss his ass, which is really all that matters.

So, what happens when he runs out of specific little dumb things and/or becomes bored? I'm sure it will have to evolve. While you're buying time, taking these silly lessons, maybe you should be looking for other ways to bond. Football is too common. Maybe some obscure passion that he's starving to share?

I would love to hear how this is working after a couple of months.

Even in the US that defense is not foolproof. First of all your AS diagnosis must be professional and not self diagnosed and it must be disclosed when you are hired that you are "disabled" though what is wrong with you does not have to be disclosed. Even with that disabled people get fired all the time as there are ways around the ADA law. I was fired for having hearing aids and asking for a phone headset.

Very true and well said. I won't turn more empathetic (less NLVD) but he feels in control my "weirdness"now, so he may be less fearful/reactive about it.

In regard to your second comment, bonding is the one thing that I'll never be able to do with another human. I'm hopeless at it, even when I and the other person have something unique in common to share they don't want to share it with me.

In any case, I think this thread was premature because I still don't trust 100% that what I was told is true and that I'm really being a second chance. He may very well be buying time till he finds a replacement and making sure I work hard till then.

Whatever happens, I think you are learning valuable things from this experience. The way you described yourself to HR is perfect, for example. So much really can be improved in business relations by simple communication. TALK. You did that, and you are expanding your skills. Don't worry about tomorrow; just keep doing your best. If it doesn't pay off in this job, it will in the next. I've learned that in life. You do, eventually, reap what you sow. Maybe not in this moment, because there will always be people determined to be unfair, but eventually. Hold trust in that, keep your best foot forward, and continue to be willing to ask, learn and listen.