Remember being a kid?Can you help me understand my daughter?

Post Reply New Topic

The only things that I remember when I was your daughter's age was that I hated other people using baby talk, & I liked saying "big" words. In other words, I preferred to talk like a grown up using grown up words. Mom says I knew the word headache & knew how to use it in a sentence correctly.

My 17 year old used to practice language skills as a toddler, but she did not talk to either her father or me. She was somewhat behind in her speech acquisition. She would say a few words, but really didn't say much until she was well into her 3rd year. One of her favorite phrases was "leave me alone!" She loved input but didn't like to interact, & hated to be interrupted.

Like LeKiwi's brother, I had selective mutism. Well, I still do, to some extent. But I was unusually understanding verbally, so people would tell me things and ask me questions, then think I didn't understand because I often couldn't answer. I think you should go ahead and try talking about some more complex things; what can it hurt? I liked it a lot, and by the time I was four and more comfortable, I had made up a song with my mother as to the chemical components of DNA.

I don’t pretend to know about your situation, but I just want to throw in this thought:

Don’t be too concerned about sequences. Like the idea that “you have to crawl before you can walk.”

My sister’s kid (not on the spectrum at all) never really learned to crawl. She was late in learning to stand. Then she just got up one day and started running. Her mother adds, “And she’s been running ever since.”

I know that, for myself, simple math skills were more difficult than highter math concepts. Binary was a breeze and I only needed one lecture, while the rest of the class was still struggling a year later. I gave up on the multiplication tables, never did memorize them and was not handicapped by this in any way.

I also remember, probably from the age of eight, being baffled about the incredible rudeness and impossible demands, and wondering how all the teachers could be so stupid/crazy. I was at least as articulate as anyone else my age, but no one could hear me. I just took it as abuse. Come to think of it, that is still the story of my life.

In general, the main thing is to be careful about is making demands.
("Doctor, doctor, it hurts when I do this!" -- "So don't do that.")
Giving every opportunity, just let the kid blossom in her own, unique way.
And just keep talking and listening as though she’s a regular person.

I still have trouble when people try to “symplify.” I don’t know about back then, but today what they are really trying to do is manipulate and trick me.
Why should I do X?
“Because that’s what everyone does” is not an answer.
“Because I want you to do it” is not an answer.
That’s just noise. Say something that makes sense.

Last edited by Tahitiii on 08 Aug 2008, 6:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.

My step-nephew is delayed, he can't really speak but he does understand more than people (including my brother and his mother) think. I often have one sided conversations with him where he responds in non-verbal ways.
A good example is when we took him to the 'day out with Thomas' thing. His mom kept telling him simple statements ('"Look at the GREEN train" "the track is FUN"), I'd talk to him like he was any other child (going as far as to have a talk about going to the other train display and which train I thought was coolest) he seemed to like the idea that I'd actually say things where he could input an opinion (handing me the train he liked best or pointing out things in the display he thought were cool). I think the hardest thing for him is that he can't be understood by the average adult and has to try twice as hard to be able to communicate.
The only way to know if she wants you to talk to her is to try it.

I did not have speech delay, but I talked very little as a child (and still do). A relative who used to babysit me and my brother all the time had no idea I could talk yet until one evening when he was babysitting us and my brother fell asleep and I started talking really a lot. I think I was about 2 years old at the time.

My main problem was that people didn't usually listen when I talked, so I figured there was no point in talking unless I had someone's undivided attention. I was perfectly capable of talking when necessary, I just didn't want to talk.

I absolutely hated being talked to like a baby. I wanted people to talk to me normally. I wanted them to use their normal voice and not make super-simple sentences for me. I understood more complicated sentences and just wished they'd stop treating me like a little baby.

Maybe you can test how much your daughter understands. Try saying something a bit more complicated than you usually do and have her respond in some way (ask her to do something or maybe use the cards).

I had a speech delay. Don't know if it was AS related or due to trama from being a foster child. My mom says that I didn't say actual words until I was three or four and when I finnaly did start speaking I spoke so fast you couldn't understand what I said. I think my mind just works faster than my lips or fingers. I hated it when people used "baby talk". There is a home movie of me several years old at my aunt's bridal shower. People would "baby talk" to me and I would scream. There was a great aunt or something who had had a stroke and couldn't speak properly and she made more sence than the others. I HATED it when people baby talked to me. I am a person, treat me as such. I understood what was being said around me. I just couldn't respond in a way THEY could understand. I was a bit of a problem child when asked to do things. I NEEDED to know why. "Because I'm the parent and you are the child!" was often the answer but that didn't work, I needed a real answer such as "Because I am worried you will make a mess or hurt yourself doing so." I told my parents I needed them to explain but they would tell me that God gives authority to parents over their children and that children need to do whatever to parent tells them without question.

my nephew has Autism and he's 2..and his speech is delayed...mostly jargon though he does talk..just very rhythmic jargon....he hates it when people talk to him in "baby talk" he ignores you..and gives you a look like you're ret*d.....and even then with mature talk he sometimes ignores you....he likes doing things on his own terms...

i think you should speak to her like she understands because she just might...though i can't guarantee anything...

I developed speech a bit atypically; I started with single words by about age one, but by age 3 I was still just using echolalia. I developed more communicative speech shortly thereafter, but even so I had auditory processing issues, so a lot of times my dad would ask me questions, and I would just nod or say something and hope it worked in the context. This led to nobody realizing I had language issues until age 18, as I compensated so much for them.

My dad would talk to me, not overly simplified, but would explain bigger words to me.

While asking questions is great, something I must caution against would be, to repeat the question soon after, or to say it rapidly, as there is the possibility of auditory processing issues / sensory overload, and it usually takes me a moment or two to process spoken language, even as a very verbal adult. When speech doesn't come so easily or naturally, then any bit of added stress or confusions is not going to help.

I have almost exactly the same pattern! I wonder how common this is for autistic people.

What it all comes down to is that I am wactose-intollerant.
Math is easy. Logic is easy.
Social demands are crazy and make no sense.
If Johnny jumped off a cliff, would you feel a need to do the same?
For most people, yes, jumping off a cliff makes sense just because Johnny says so.
For me, no. It makes no sense at all.

Memorizing the multiplication tables is not math at all. It's just nonsense.
Binary is real math, and is seriously cool.

The idea that we lack empathy is also nonsense.
If you are hungry or hurt in a way that I can understand, I want to help.
Feed the chickens, chop some wood, I can see the value in that.
If you are just being an alpha-male and you want me to get in line, that is nonsense. The stupid tricks are transparent and ineffective.

None of the social nonsense made sense until I was old enough to study psychology and anthropology.
(I started subscribing to psychology magazines when I was a teenager, in spite of parent disapproval.)

Well, technically Johnny didn't say to jump off a cliff, Johnny did jump off a cliff. Unless, of course, he waved to people watching and said, "Hey, look what I can do!".
I'd like to see that. More out of boredom than anything else, really. Anybody know a guy named Johnny?

Well, I do know a guy named Georgie. He says things like, "Let's get some guns and bombs and go across the ocean and kill thousands of people, just for fun. We can make up some lame excuse later if anyone cares."

Yeah, I remember that guy! Great at parties!

...although, I think he drank way to much once, got alcohol poisining, passed out for about three hours and suffered some kind of brain damage...

wonder where he is now...? Oh, hi, George! *waves at Washington. Which is amazing, because that is really far away*