Being blunt?

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I've been told I'm blunt.


A fat person asks you if they are fat and you say "yes." I have also said "What do you think?" because it was such a stupid question that kid asked when I was 17 or 18. Who wouldn't know they're fat if it's obvious? He had to wear men clothes and he was only 10 and 11. Even my own clothes wouldn't fit him. Never tried them on him, I just knew.

I would rather they be honest than lie to me. How is lying being respectful?

I am confused as to what you mean by 'taking pride in insulting.' I have never taken pride in hurting people. I already stated that is not my intention.

Tell you what. For the next week or so, I'm going to eliminate conformity from anything I post to you. Let me know what feels like straight-up honesty and whether anything feels at all hurtful. For the record, I will NOT say anything intentionally hurtful. OK?

I hate when people lie to me, I know my boyfriend does. I have tested him just to see how honest he is. I would point to other women who are thinner than me and say "I wish I were that thin." He say "You're thinner" or "you're that thin." But these girls were anorexic thin or they had smallar hips or butts than me. So how can I believe him when he says other things like I am normal to him while my ex said I am hardly ever normal.

(edited cause I was confused)

Eliminate away.

I would disagree with that. Providing someone with a unsolicited, negative opinion of their hair, clothes, or body, is both blunt and rude. However, telling someone directly when they have done something which upsets you (rather than say, avoiding them or being passive-aggressive), is blunt, but not rude (assuming you didn't say it in a rude way). My friends in college used to tell me I was blunt, even when I was trying to be subtle, but because I wasn't rude, my bluntness amused them rather than irritating them.

I also appreciate bluntness in other people. If I do something to upset someone, I don't want them to get all quiet and wait for me to figure it out. If they tell me what I did, then I can apologize, and try to avoid doing it in the future. There definitely is a difference between being blunt, and being rude. I find passive-aggressive behavior to be very frustrating and counter-productive. Because guess what- I will *not* be able to figure out on my own what I did wrong. So I will ask someone right up front, "What's wrong?" Perhaps some would consider that to be blunt (my friends in college did), but I think it just makes sense.

I have tried to be subtle in the past, but my friends found my attempts very transparent. So I currently have no choice but to be blunt. However, I try very hard not to be rude. I'm perfectly capable of telling white lies when the situation calls for it, and I always try to be complimentary, unless I think the person is actually looking for honest feedback.

Since always.

It's rude to walk up to someone and tell them they are fat or they are ugly, or their outfit sucks. But if someone asks for your opinion, then you can tell them what you think. Like if someone asks you if you like their new hat, tell them what you think and not lie by saying "Oh I love it, it looks great" even though you think the hat looks bad and it looks like something a bum would wear.

Slowmutant you don't have to be polite with me eh ... since I am not able to and I never ask people to be polite with me either. I just don't get all the polite etiquettes. I am just crap at it and I accept that I don't have that skill.

I choose to be polite with you because of the Golden Rule.

I have a tendency to lack tact and I don't know how to engage in small-talk either. Anything fake, artificial or superficial irritates the life out of me and I just don't get why it is needed or necessary to begin with. If anyone would explain that to me, maybe I would try to conform.

That isn't to suggest though that I'm rude, far from it!

I'm often very blunt. Not because I mean to be, simply because I don't realise how it sounds. This has gotten me into many arguments on various websites where people have jumped on me for my bluntness, even if the issue was minor. They never believe you, either, when you try to put it right, which makes me very anxious, being social phobic, which leads to me putting my foot in it even more by accident by trying to correct the matter.

The thing that leads to my bluntness is the fact that I can't imagine how another person will take what I said. To me, it sounds perfectly fine, but too many times the thing that I thought sounded ok, has turned out to be apparently offensive in some way. Either that, or people are just too sensitive.

I think a good question would be whether we actually know what the other person is thinking.
I've found that more positive people, when confronted with my bluntness, reveal that their ways of thinking are just different than how my mind works.. and they actually Aren't thinking what I'm thinking, and my bluntness comes off as being very closed minded.
Is it possible to be blunt, but in a positive light? I mean to point out things that aren't necessarily sugercoating things, but more optimistic in nature?

In some ways I am more blunt than others, in someways not so much. If I believe it will cause more harm than good to be blunt, I'll refrain, because I know what it's like to be on the other side of that and it's not good. However, if something needs to be said, even if I know few if any will agree with me, I'll say it.

An interesting observation I've found is that people who will make the former sort of comments will nonetheless not have the guts to make the latter.

Outspokennes borders on rudeness.