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Teoka
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25 Aug 2008, 1:38 am

I tend to get on people's nerves no matter WHAT I do x_x

I'll usually stay quiet and modest around people I don't know that well so I don't accidentally offend them, but if I'm friends with them, or related to them, I completely let loose. I recently found out that I'm actually REALLY BAD at reading facial expressions, so it's not too surprising that I've made people annoyed or mad. I've often been called a b***h, selfish, and occasionally a whore. D: And that's overwhelmingly from people who I thought were my friends. People just love to demonize me and make me seem like the most horrible person since Hussein or Hitler.

I've gotten crap in the past for apparently being "stuck-up" about my intelligence. which I've never aimed at being. I also have a bad habit of "lecturing" people, especially when it comes to handling my dogs. Part of me is a dog training geek, and I used to be really bad at letting little mistakes go. It drove my parents insane ^_^;;

The best thing I've learned to do is just apologize when you do something that may have offended someone, whether it's an aspie thing (unknowingly rude, freaking out when touched, etc.) or not. Explain why it happened if need be, but try to just explain it by the symptoms, rather than saying that you have Asperger's/autism/etc. People tend to think they know everything about it, but if you explain it by the relevant piece (I'm bad at interpreting people's emotions, I don't like to be touched, etc.), they'll be less likely to be a smartass. :)


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MemberSix
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25 Aug 2008, 6:08 am

I find I'm happier when I don't bother trying to be what I imagine others want me to be in preference to my usual self.

It's throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

The things that people DO like about you are thrown out with those they don't - leaving someone who neither pleases nor displeases ... but more importantly, someone unhappy and untrue to themselves.

You can be pretty sure that they'd rather have spent their time with that happy, interesting guy who doesn't realise his occasional faux-pas (pl) than with the reserved guy who said nothing that interested anybody (not least himself).

People prefer a happy, left-field chatterbox to a soulless hollowman.



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25 Aug 2008, 6:12 am

MemberSix wrote:
I find I'm happier when I don't bother trying to be what I imagine others want me to be in preference to my usual self.

It's throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

The things that people DO like about you are thrown out with those they don't - leaving someone who neither pleases nor displeases ... but more importantly, someone unhappy and untrue to themselves.

You can be pretty sure that they'd rather have spent their time with that happy, interesting guy who doesn't realise his occasional faux-pas (pl) than with the reserved guy who said nothing that interested anybody (not least himself).

People prefer a happy, left-field chatterbox to a soulless hollowman.

And sure, we all want to reduce the amount of hostility we're subjected to - but those who would have been hostile when you were being yourself will ALSO be hostile when you're trying not to offend.
It's a lose-lose - so you might as well lose gloriously and on your own terms.



corroonb
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25 Aug 2008, 6:23 am

It seems the only defence is being quiet. Or being deliberately offensive.

:?



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25 Aug 2008, 6:46 am

corroonb wrote:
It seems the only defence is being quiet. Or being deliberately offensive.

:?


How will being 'deliberately offensive' avoid annoying anyone ?



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25 Aug 2008, 6:46 am

Sometimes I was pretty good at explaining semi-dense sciency stuff to people. The trick wasn't to dumb down my vocabulary, it was more about timing. Pause after each important point and ask a meaningless question like "Had you heard that?" or "Sound doable?" They probably won't answer this question, they'll either nod for you to continue or they'll ask you to clarify about something you were saying. With this technique, I'd say the largest percentage of people were actually really pleased with the interaction because they were able to get it, and felt like I was talking to them as if I assumed them to be very intelligent. The combined numbers of the people who seemed like they were bored or didn't understand and didn't want to say so and those who were actively annoyed by me 'making them feel dumb' probably comes up greater, but not by far. I thought I was doing pretty good.



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25 Aug 2008, 6:50 am

Electric_Kite wrote:
Sometimes I was pretty good at explaining semi-dense sciency stuff to people. The trick wasn't to dumb down my vocabulary, it was more about timing. Pause after each important point and ask a meaningless question like "Had you heard that?" or "Sound doable?" They probably won't answer this question, they'll either nod for you to continue or they'll ask you to clarify about something you were saying. With this technique, I'd say the largest percentage of people were actually really pleased with the interaction because they were able to get it, and felt like I was talking to them as if I assumed them to be very intelligent. The combined numbers of the people who seemed like they were bored or didn't understand and didn't want to say so and those who were actively annoyed by me 'making them feel dumb' probably comes up greater, but not by far. I thought I was doing pretty good.

Excellent post.



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25 Aug 2008, 7:43 am

Are you sure that people are annoyed at your level of intelligence. Folks, most of us here have ASD this unfortunately means that we miss social cues like 'could you just shut up I don't really care about your obsession, no matter how intellectually you put it".
I now know that I am REALLY BAD at reading facial expressions (funny cos I thought I was really intuitive and empathetic), I am aware that I go on and on about things that concern me and dont pick up the cues to shut up. I and am learning to ask questions frequently so that I can judge the listeners? interest level.


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corroonb
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25 Aug 2008, 7:44 am

DentArthurDent wrote:
Are you sure that people are annoyed at your level of intelligence. Folks, most of us here have ASD this unfortunately means that we miss social cues like 'could you just shut up I don't really care about your obsession, no matter how intellectually you put it".
I now know that I am REALLY BAD at reading facial expressions (funny cos I thought I was really intuitive and empathetic), I am aware that I go on and on about things that concern me and dont pick up the cues to shut up. I and am learning to ask questions frequently so that I can judge the listeners? interest level.


This happens mostly on the internet and there are no cues on the internet.



CelticRose
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25 Aug 2008, 8:15 am

DentArthurDent wrote:
Are you sure that people are annoyed at your level of intelligence. Folks, most of us here have ASD this unfortunately means that we miss social cues like 'could you just shut up I don't really care about your obsession, no matter how intellectually you put it".
I now know that I am REALLY BAD at reading facial expressions (funny cos I thought I was really intuitive and empathetic), I am aware that I go on and on about things that concern me and dont pick up the cues to shut up. I and am learning to ask questions frequently so that I can judge the listeners? interest level.


I have had more than one person tell me point-blank that they were annoyed by my intelligence. Also see my earlier post on this thread. Somebody even wrote a book about this phenomenon.


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25 Aug 2008, 8:19 am

CelticRose wrote:
Somebody even wrote a book about this phenomenon.

A book ?



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25 Aug 2008, 8:52 am

CelticRose wrote:
DentArthurDent wrote:
Are you sure that people are annoyed at your level of intelligence. Folks, most of us here have ASD this unfortunately means that we miss social cues like 'could you just shut up I don't really care about your obsession, no matter how intellectually you put it".
I now know that I am REALLY BAD at reading facial expressions (funny cos I thought I was really intuitive and empathetic), I am aware that I go on and on about things that concern me and dont pick up the cues to shut up. I and am learning to ask questions frequently so that I can judge the listeners? interest level.


I have had more than one person tell me point-blank that they were annoyed by my intelligence. Also see my earlier post on this thread. Somebody even wrote a book about this phenomenon.


Interesting. Some people are strange


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Drakilor
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25 Aug 2008, 9:13 am

They're not offended by intelligence, but the way you act. True intelligence makes you thrive in all social situations.


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25 Aug 2008, 9:19 am

I gues one way to not anoy people is to use wit, I try to be quiet and watch aswell as be mysterous and say the right things like a joke. My favirout tool is sarcasm but I admit that my mum does get anoyed of it, but that is usualy when I am tired and frustrated. But I gues other then that I try to be a good person.


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25 Aug 2008, 9:21 am

Bradleigh wrote:
I gues one way to not anoy people is to use wit, I try to be quiet and watch aswell as be mysterous and say the right things like a joke. My favirout tool is sarcasm but I admit that my mum does get anoyed of it, but that is usualy when I am tired and frustrated. But I gues other then that I try to be a good person.

Did I ever tell you that I love you? I love everyone in this thread.


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25 Aug 2008, 9:21 am

Bradleigh wrote:
But I gues other then that I try to be a good person.

This last comment rather puzzles me.
What do you mean by it ?
Do you mean you have a lot of evil urges you have to resist ?
I'm unaware of trying to be any particular kind of person at all.
I just do what I do.