i frequently feel more like a conduit than an acting agent in the world. as long as i am writing or talking or sketching-producing-then i have flow. and i can daydream-and constantly do-but that feels more like i'm listening in on a private show with the ability to choose revisions from a menu than like i'm actively...again, the verb "act", and not in the sense of pretense. i don't understand how i can write the intricately plotted things i do when i put no conscious thought into it...it feels as if i don't own my own life.
as for theory of mind...i think we understand that it exists. we just can't simultaneously assume our point of view and their point of view including in each of those pov's how we each see the other and be sure of the fact that we are both doing all of these things in lockstep...i don't even try. too exhausting. as for how that relates...well, doesn't that style of communication sound frenetically ACTIVE?
make sense?
i was about to say "hope so because i just got this off the top of my head"...but that's what we were talking about, wasn't it?
_________________
i've stopped fighting my demons-we've joined forces.