Do Aspies Generally Make Poor Friends?
I do love obsessing on certain things and get a great deal of satisfaction having a discussion on just those things, doesn't have to be in depth, just obsessional is enough to calm me. Most people get bored before I do though. They give up when I want to keep going. I can be happy with the nonsense and then get a feeling of anxiety when the topic gets changed or when things get more personal.
I can do small talk. What I cannot do is discuss certain topics that upset me for some reason. I just cannot talk about those.
I don't have many friends, so with the ones I do have I'm unusually supportive towards. The NTs I know often tell me I'm one of the few people they can truly be themselves with.
Autistic people tend to be extremely loyal in their friendships, almost like dogs. NTs will just turn on you the moment you start acting unusual.
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?Evil? No. Cursed?! No. COATED IN CHOCOLATE?! Perhaps. At one time. But NO LONGER.?
- Extremely low social drive. Many of the aspies I've met seem to have little interest in doing anything with other people (an activity, a hobby, or just talking). They seem to have a quota of just a few hours per month or less. They seem to think that socializing with someone a few times a year is plenty (to me, I would not consider myself close to anyone I socialize with so infrequently unless they happen to be studying abroad or something similar).
- Uncompromising. I don't mean this in the sense that they stand by their principles (although this may well be true); I mean they're not willing to do anything other than what they particularly like to do. Knowing about Asperger's syndrome seems to make this worse for many because now they feel it's part of their condition and not something they should work on. It is rare t find someone with the exact same interests, opinions, and preferences as you; so this also works to minimize friendships.
- Anxiety/Social Inhibition. Anxiety's not that uncommon, but most people want to make an effort to minimize it so that they can enjoy their lives. I have found that extreme shyness or awkwardness is more common among aspies than NTs. I used to be like this too, but I worked on it because life sucks that way.
You have hit the nail on the head. I have some NT friends, and often wish for an Aspie friend who understands. However I have met several Aspies and found them impossible to get along with for the reasons you stated above, particularly "uncompromising." Mind if I add to your list?
Lack of understanding about facial expression or tone of voice Most Aspies (including myself) struggle to correctly interpret facial expression, tone and intention. Not only that, but many of us also do not make the correct facial expressions or use the proper tone of voice. This leads to many misunderstandings. NTs are often put off by our expression and manner thinking we are rude, bored or just plain strange.
Obsessiveness Most Aspies that I have met have very limited interests that they want to talk about incessantly. Unless the friend shares the obsession, it becomes painfully boring for the other person to listen to 3 hours of talk about trains, Star Wars or electronics. As mentioned in "uncompromising", an Aspie is often unwilling to allow the friend to then talk about their life or interests.
GOOD
-Often more analytical than NTs, or at least willing to discuss certain subjects in depth rather than flit from one subject to another.
-Not as afraid of "negative" emotions and subject matter as NTs are.
-Willing to skip the small talk and get straight to the real discussion.
-Capable of obsessing over something, which is good when you connect with someone obsessed with the same thing.
-Less critical of minor faux pas and eccentricities, and not as likely to judge someone on that basis.
BAD (and some of these apply or have applied to me in the past too, just so you know)
-Can have a lack of tact or impulse control when it comes to saying things that would hurt a friend.
-If they have an obsession I can't relate to, especially to the point where they can't talk about anything else (and I have met such people) it can be really hard to connect with them.
-Misunderstandings over such things as expressions (taking things too literally, for instance) and sensory problems are rather common and, with the wrong individual, can get blown out of proportion.
yep this ^ describes me perfectly, well done!
i definately mistrust people i cannot have an arguement with, or if they aviod arguements,
i also can be really sleazy when i get drunk, and hate small talk
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