Aspies can be very mean

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I can say very hurtful things when I am upset. I am a nice person but I sometimes snap when something upsets me.

Same here.

I don't see much wrong with getting angry about it, it's long-term vengeance or wanting to hurt someone even after the initial anger passes, then going to a lot of trouble to do so, that I don't (usually) understand, and don't (just about ever) think is a good idea (whether it's aggressive or passive-aggressive, neither one strikes me as a good response in that context, it's a very misdirected self-defense impulse or something).

I sort of numb myself, but when I get really riled, I walk away loudly. I get particularly upset when I see someone I feel protective over being threatened or hurt. It brings out the monster in me, whereas if it's just me being threatened I sort of absorb it and keep moving. I walked out of a job because of the treatment of another employee. I almost punched a man who threatened a friend. Yet when I've been threatened, I've retreated inside myself and either not reacted or had an anxiety attack after the danger had passed.

I'm with much of what's been posted.
Ain't no halo here.
I have a long fuse, with a big bomb at the end of it.
I don't know to what degree AS affects my vengefulness. I follow the old Chinese proverb: Revenge is a dish best eaten cold. Which means, for those foggy on the abstraction: if somebody has wronged you to a degree worth revenging, don't lash out in anger right away; cool off your anger first, think about it, and if it's still worth it to you to get back at them, plan it well and execute it calmly and coldly. Better chances to succeed and make your point that way.
Aspies may be better qualified to employ this principle given our logical bent.
I have found, as one poster mentioned, that in choosing not to lash out in anger, and letting myself cool down before entertaining thoughts of revenge, I find that I wind up understanding the flaws in the human who wronged me, to the point where I let it slide.
I look at it this way: I never start s**t with people. So if somebody starts s**t with me, they must have underlying issues or defects beyond their control. In a way, striking back at these people is like hitting a cripple. Not every time - if provoked badly enough, I will strike back.
The other factor that tends to keep my revenge in check is the risk factors associated with retaliation, which are many. Most times what I want to do to people is illegal, carries significant prison time, and puts me at physical risk, as well as escalation or retaliation by my enemy's allies. These factors often make revenge not worth it.

TYhanks for the permission!

I try to take control, I find out the WHY. When I was a child, I would just explode. I could either blow up in their face or walk out. I wait for a response, if they continue I would either explode or walk out. Walking out hasn't happened yet but it would be the most likely seeing as I would be seen as unstable or something like that.

Now, where did I put that halo ??

Yeah the AS and understanding thing is a common stereotype.

I get very annoyed sometimes, but I'm usually pretty nice IRL unless someone says something rude.
The internet brings out the worst in me, but I'm hoping to change that when I get my site up, so I can help aspies directly without using a message board.

I find message boards are like high school.

I am slow to anger, but when I go off I really go off.

Hmm. I'm sort of the opposite, I can have a very short fuse at times, but the anger doesn't stick around and turn into meanness, it just comes and goes quickly.

I attempt at being understanding more than the average person, imo.
IRL I truly am a nice person unless someone is mean to me first then I can be really mean in return. I learned this behaviour as a kid, it became my way of surviving childhood.
I can identify strongly with others like myself and if I think they are getting treated like crap I tend to get mean on their behalf too because I identify so strongly with them sometimes it's like I am the one getting treated like crap instead and I cannot seperate myself.
It's the same with family and friends even though I feud with some of my family and have broken up with countless friends.

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Ditto, ditto, ditto!

In recent years I've tried to master the socially acceptable passive-aggressive way (especially with those higher in the social hierarchy who have lots of backup), with little success.

Äs mechanima said, I can be very effective hitting back, because I have this deep analysis instead of intuition which gives me an insight into the weaknesses of the other and how to hurt them the most with just words. I always say the last word, I've yet to see someone who doesn't end up shutting up. I only make use of this when the person has been really mean to me, though.[/quote]


I don't think that two wrongs make a right when it comes to hitting people or threatening them back because it makes us look bad.