Dad did the worst thing, EVER!

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Joined: 22 Feb 2008
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16 Sep 2008, 2:26 pm

I don't think any parent, EVER, should call their child a ret*d.

I realize parents can make mistakes with things like this, in the heat of anger, but then they need to apologize and make it clear the problem is with them, not the child.

And you say he works with the handicapped? And yet he still dared say such a thing?

I'm amazed. And quite saddened.

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Mishi_Sings
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16 Sep 2008, 2:47 pm

TheSpecialKid wrote:

At the dinnertable this afternoon, my dad called me a ret*d!.
I'm sort of angry at him, but I.... I don't know...

He don't know that I'm suspecting myself for having aspergers, and I REALLY don't want him to know. He is a handicap-helper, I know for sure that he would begin treating me like a ret*d, like saying things, I don't know how to descibe it...

I know that fact, because we have another aspie in our family, and he always treat him, like he was 4 years old, and didn't know anything... I also know that if I told him that he shouldn't treat aspies that way, he would be mad!

You SHOULD be angry. That's no thing to say to one's own child, especially over something as trivial as an aversion to mixing food. (yes, it's the sort of quirk that doesn't occur with neurotypicals, but that hardly makes it ret*d.)

Sounds to me like your dad doesn't know ANYTHING about Asperger's Syndrome. Is there any way you can get him to open his mind?

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BokeKaeru
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16 Sep 2008, 3:06 pm

How's it his business how you eat your food? It doesn't sound like it inconveniences him in any way. I do the same thing, and I don't get how anyone could be bothered by it. Not enough to call others names over it, at very least.

Sorry to hear that he did call you names. Sounds like he has some issues with people who aren't like him - probably stemming from his job, either from dissatisfaction or discomfort that carries over. One of those cases of "MY kids aren't like THOSE people," I'm willing to bet. Maybe ask him about foods he doesn't like, or a specific combination of food that you know he'd probably find weird, and turn the tables on him by asking him if HE'S a "ret*d" for not liking that, even though a fair amount of people do. Hopefully that would show him the problem with his insulting you.

My mom made the mistake of using the same epithet towards me when we were out at the movies and I was trying to avoid getting touched and bumped around by other people in the line. Unfortunately for her, she had brought a couple of family friends along for the venture, so I said quite loudly in front of the other people before she could shush me that she shouldn't call me a ret*d. Well, she hasn't said it since, so maybe it worked. Public humiliation is a wonderful tool to use against NTs who push you around to make them treat you better when it will work in your favor.

slowmutant
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16 Sep 2008, 3:13 pm

ShawnWilliam wrote:

No offense my friend... but there is a lot of abuse that goes on in the kinds of places that your father works at. He sounds like he fits the bill of an abuser..

i dont mean physical abuse.. i just mean taking advantage in some way.. i hate those people.. he doesnt sound respectful at all..

Why not? Because he works with disabled people?

TheSpecialKid
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16 Sep 2008, 3:36 pm

Yeah, I know he properly had a stressful day.
At the time he said it, it just felt like it was the "Worst thing" to say...

He hasn't regretted yet, and I'm not sure if he will, but it's okay with me...

ShawnWilliam
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16 Sep 2008, 3:39 pm

Quote:

Why not? Because he works with disabled people?\

those places are f****d..

Last edited by ShawnWilliam on 16 Sep 2008, 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

slowmutant
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16 Sep 2008, 4:30 pm

Amitiel wrote:

You need to be able to tell him how he made you feel - or at least pull him up on it.
It is not acceptable for him to call you a ret*d.
Parents are just people - no one is nice all the time.

That is my belief also.

HereComeTheLizards
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16 Sep 2008, 5:39 pm

The thing about parents is, as I've said before, they do not want what's best for their child. They want what *they think* is best for their child. Virtually all problems people have with their childhoods stem from this.

I'm nearly 33. My father regards me as the Elephant Man's father regarded him, my mother sees me as a stubborn and naughty kid who has to be bullied and cajoled into doing what she thinks is right. They've always been this way, and I'm not going to change them now. The best thing you can do with ignorant parents is cut them off, showing them all the respect they've shown you over your lifetime.

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slowmutant
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16 Sep 2008, 5:43 pm

Elephant Man, perhaps you have yet to meet your Doctor Trews. :wink:

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