Can't cope with the demands of college

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Thanks for the replies, everyone, sorry I'm a bit late responding, the site wasn't working properly for me a while ago.

I have the same problem. I get on MUCH better with people about 10-20, maybe more, years older than me, which most people find weird, but I don't think it is. People my age never like me, no matter what age I am. Don't know why.

My college put me with all the younger students, too, which immediately put me at a disadvantage. They have two groups, a "mature" group, and a younger group. I asked to go into the mature students group and they wouldn't let me. Like most people, they think the only friends I can have are people my age.



I never would have got my foot through the door if I didn't think someone would be there to help me socially. Half the point of having a support worker was so that she could help me with first couple of steps, then leave me to it, but she never bothered helping anyway, so it was pointless her being there. I simply can't be social alone, at least, not at the beginning. In my old college, they were very helpful socially and I really went quite far with their help, but without the help from this college, I didn't get far at all.



No, they didn't, and I doubt they would. This college is of the opinion that I have to be exactly like everyone else in terms of socialising, and they won't allow me a couple of exceptions to help through more challenging parts of college life. From the very beginning, they've been quite pushy with how I socialise. They seem to think that by having time alone, or not being around other people constantly, even if I'm not being included, is somehow worse for me than being forced to socialise.

As I mentioned above, they wouldn't let me in the "mature" students class (I use the word mature lightly because they weren't that much older. A few were 25 ish, most early 30s. This class would have been ideal for me), instead, they made me stay in the younger class where most were 19-22. They just don't seem to understand that people my age always have, and likely always will, make themselves distant from me before I even have a chance to befriend them.

The college seems to think they know better than I do, so they'll only allow me to do what they think is best. I know myself better than anyone else, and I know what works and what doesn't, but my college apparently doesn't agree.

My mum phoned the head of the college today to explain/complain about the way they've acted, and she said she'd get student services to phone so that I could be given advice, enrolled on an Essensial Skills class, and be told what my options were from here, but no one phoned back. Every time so far that we've been told they'll phone back, or when we've asked them to phone back, no one has done so yet. Not my tutor, the disabled student worker, the student services staff, etc. I think they just don't care.

If my tutors had understood more, perhaps I could have carried on. It still would have been really hard and a struggle for me, but at least I could have been given a better start and a better chance from the beginning. The fact that they were so determined to have me socialise and be "normal", is what led to the problems in the first place.

Edit: I do have a bit of hope though, as my mum got in touch with a different college today, and spoke to a lady who has a son, 17, with Asperger's. She seemed to understand very well and knew the kind of help I'd need. I'm going to see her on monday. Hopefully this is another chance for me, and hopefully this college WILL be helpful and understanding.

I struggled in college too, for all the reasons you've identified. The first time around, it was just too much for me and I dropped out. I went back as an adult and by then I had learned how to just go to class and ignore the social scene. I was more used to operating as a social outcast, so it didn't bother me. Plus, by the time I went back, the internet had revolutionized things and I was able to take more than half of my classes online. That helped a lot.

I'm quite sure its the same everywhere. I remember when I signed up for my accommodations at my university thinking "oh these people are going to listen to me and help me out." Boy, I think I was doing better when I wasn't signed up for them. The only difference with being signed up was that I had less time during the day because I was forced to go to dumb meetings where they gave me advice that was laughably naive. I eventually stopped going (much to their ire) because like I said it was a waste of time, and I think overall had a negative effect on how I socialized and interacted with my professors.

I think if I could go back in time I would of picked a smaller school more focused on academics. Big schools like mine have generally no interest or the ability to help out people like me. They more or less have no problem letting people slip through the cracks, because 3 more are waiting to take their place.

I hope you find a college that gives you what you need Anniemaniac. Remember that you are paying them to teach you, it is your right to get the treatment you need to succeed. I know it takes a lot of energy but make sure you talk to the people until you get your way. Try to find someone who sympathizes with you and is willing to be your advocate and help you out with such things (like with your professors and stuff). It sounds like your social worker was supposed to do something like that and just opted out, which is ridiculous.

You're only 19 to which is good. The average time it takes students to graduate at my university is 7 years. So you have plenty of time to find something that works for you.

Why would you need to eat your lunch in the canteen? Even if you need to buy food for some reason, you could always get it as take-out and eat it somewhere quiet

That is what you would assume, however no one gave a damn when I brought up DDA. I had a terrible time at college because the other students in my art class were only there for 'fun' which in their terms meant trashing things, play fighting and swearing at teachers. There were also those DAMNED MP3 players which were buzzing in my head at all hours making me have seizures... I admit that they did do quite a lot for me but it still wasn't enough to make me stay.

During my initial interview, they did come across as understanding and sympathetic, hence why I chose that college. They were all over me in the interview, telling me I'd easily make friends, that I'd be a new person in a few months, that I "acted normal" for a person with AS. They told me all the support they'd give me and how much they'd help me etc. When I came away from that interview, I felt that they really did care, and would really do everything they could to help.

When I got there though, I quickly realised that they'd either been lying, or just hyping it up so as to get me there, and hence get money (had to pay for exam fees). They were nice, kind, understanding etc up to the point of enrollment, when they got the fees. When I started a week or so later, different story.

I think my support worker just didn't like me from the moment she saw me, because when I got in, she came up to me and introduced herself, but then kept staring at me when she thought I wasn't looking. Every time I turned to look at her, she'd quickly divert her head and eyes. Not only did this make me uncomforable, but it made me curious; "What is she staring at?". I still don't know, but after the bullying I went through in school, where kids would stare at me for no reason the quickly look away when I saw them, I think she just didn't like me from the very start.




That's what I intended doing originally, because I knew before I started that lunch would be a problem, but I couldn't find any places quiet enough, because it's a city and my college is right in the middle of it, so the place is always busy, plus all the benches that I know of were situated in the main shopping area, too. I couldn't venture too far from college, either because I have problems with direction and I'm prone to getting lost easily.