Empathy vs. Sympathy

Post Reply New Topic

SEX PISTOLS LYRICS

"No Feelings"

I've seen you in the mirror when the story began
And I fell in love with you I love your mortal sin
Your brains are locked away but I love your company
I only ever leave you when you got no money
I got no emotions for anybody else
You better understand I'm in love with myself,
Myself, my beautiful self

A no feelings
A no feelings
A no feelings
For anybody else

Hello and goodbye in a run around sue
You follow me around like a pretty pot of glue
I kick you in the head you got nothing to say
Get out of the way 'cause I gotta get away
You never realize I take the piss out of you
You come up and see me and I'll beat you black and blue
One day I'll send you away

I got no feelings
A no feelings
A no feelings
For anybody else
Except for myself, my beautiful selfish

There ain't no moonlight after midnight
I see you silly people out looking for delight
Well I'm so happy I'm feeling so fine
I'm watching all the rubbish, you're wasting my time
I look around your house, you got nothing to steal
I kick you in the brains when you get down to kneel
And pray, you pray to your god

No feelings
A no feelings
A no feelings
For anybody else
A no feelings
A no feelings
A no feelings
For anybody else
Except for myself
Your daddy's gone away
Be back another day
See his picture hanging on your wall

How about something like you cry because of something in a movie that happened? Empathy or Sympathy? I will sometimes cry, but other than that stuff doesn't normally affect me that much.

Of course you can be empathetic!

It's also a good way to stick it to people who accuse you of being selfish.

But if such things (or wars or whatever) are shown on TV almost every day in the news, most people (NTs too) are not going to feel as much as before, as time goes. But that's just accommodation I guess.

Several NT people I know will have a tendency to insist that one thing or another which I experience must be eg. hard to me, and sometimes even insist that it must be hard, although I say that it isn't to me.
An example: When I ran out of the economical education support, I got some cleaning work and earned money that way (I had saved something on beforehand too). I had to be careful to use less money than before, but I didn't miss anything and had all I needed.
One said to me that it must be hard, and when I said no, he continued saying: "oh yes, it is hard" - it was like I couldn't be grateful, or that I had to complain, or so. The guy himself thought that if it has been him, he would feel that it was hard (and then I had to feel the same too, he couldn't imagine that I could feel otherwise...) - and the same thing I have met in others, (also NTs) with other issues.

So what is that about NT empathy?
Is such an example considered lack of empathy, or is it not?
If not - what's the difference then to what they call ASD lack of empathy / theory of mind?

Once I told another (NT) about my experience. She was like "oh, but it was empathy, he thought about what you might feel in the situation." Yes, but then I already had said lots of times that it wasn't a problem to me, and he insisted that it was, because he would have felt it was! What kind of empathy was it, then?

Another thing I have thought about:
Why is it considered lack of empathy if one's not able to cry over a sad movie on TV, but it isn't considered lack of empathy if one bullies another (an aspie, maybe) for years??
I never cry over movies, normally (have done it 2 times in my adult life, but as a kid I never understood how my sisters could cry over something that wasn't even real). But honestly I don't see how I should, to be empathetic? It's far more relevant to be able to feel for real people, and to act on the feeling if possible. Or just act even though you don't necessarily feel a lot...

Maybe it's just a common thing not to be good at putting ourselves in the place of those who are not very much like us, and it's easier to see in people on the spectrum because we're the few who misunderstand the many?
Don't know if I'm right. Just a thought.

(I may have written something like this before, then I apologize for that.)

My mother constantly gets upset over the event I listed each time it happens (NT), whereas I for example feel nothing; whilst her level of feelings may change due to exposure, she'll always feel to some extent (this is automatic for her). Whereas I'll be numb no matter how many times I view it (this is automatic for me).

What you listed with monetary issues is social susceptibility; he was applying the commonly held theme that if one is poor, it's hard for one to live, and to him where he needs to experience what society forces onto him via coercion/advertisement, he needs money. It's indirectly related to empathy, but it isn't empathy by itself (it's closer to projection than empathy). This social pressure is subjective.

Whereas a child dying in a horrible way is rarely subjective to people (i.e., most people will tell you that it's a bad thing to happen, and they wouldn't want it to happen to any child that doesn't deserve it--including me. Empathy determines how one will feel inside over said death).

Sym'path'y seems to me to be a synchronous process in the sense that 2 or more people feel a concordant emotional connection in the sense that if the people were seperated they would feel basicly the same way. Empath seems to be more of a psychic response in the sense that someone may be feeling an emotion and you can sense/feel their emotion even though you may not under isolated conditions feel the same. Sym'path'y, Em'path'y. The important root in order to determin a distinction seems to be "Em". A quick search yielded seemingly unrelated results. Some other words that contain this are, Em'pire, Em'Phas'is, Em'Bed, Em'p'ty, Em'it,

this boy has no respect for your feelings and so no empathy it is

And just when I thought I'd sussed the difference, I find this:
http://www.bernzilla.com/item.php?id=522
Looks to me as if the jury's still out on the definitions. No wonder I felt confused. Reassuring to know that the whole world is confused about it too. I don't see the use of having different terms at all. Isn't it enough to think of it as varying degrees of compassion?

When people talk about empathy when it's in relation to Autism/Asperger's, one must look at how it's defined by the professionals who say that there's an impairment of empathy to determine if they themselves feel/experience it in relation to the disorder they so have (whether to prove the professionals wrong or to see if there's another label that fits them better).

Empathy is defined as recognizing and feeling the emotions in others by just looking/listening to them in relation to Autism/Asperger's.

"A lack of empathy" doesn't mean none at all, nor does it determine one's functioning level by itself; people with AS can have a greater deficit of empathy than someone with Autism.

When you write that it isn't empathy by itself, but closer to projection, do you mean that it isn't lack of empathy by itself? I think it looked like a lack of empathy, to keep on insisting that it must be hard though I said otherwise (I didn't consider myself as poor as such, I had all I needed, and have never "demanded" a lot, so to say). But I agree with you that it's about projection too.

Thinking about it, it was also an issue about the "insisting" person not believing that it didn't matter to me, that it was something I just said because I wouldn't admit that it was hard. So maybe it was a kind of misbelief and projection instead of lack of empathy.

Anyway it was interesting that he couldn't imagine that I could feel otherwise than he himself would do in my situation. Isn't that what they call a lack of, if not empathy, then theory of mind?