NTs are in Existential Crisis

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Spot on. (Double quote, was typing!)

Re. Orwell, I find it very difficult to take trivial compliments, seem unneccasary, offence almost. I used to want constructive criticism, a challenge, I strive perfect my work and crave their perspective to identify floors, errors in their thinking. What is it their missing, what am I missing, what can I see that they cannot, where does the difference lie?

I am usually content with my own company if I don't want to share information or prove something, though I'd often try to join in at school as I saw my interacting idiosyncracies as inadequacies, sport was the most successful way to be included. I was told things like "Jenk has to learn that to have a friend she has to be a friend," so I learnt, which involved alot of dumbing my responses down so that others could answer my questions and feel good about themselves, urgh. I had true friends, pets! How many primary schools girls spend their time collecting leaves for their stick insects?! Dedication! Which reminds me, I want a Chamelion!!

I could only feel less alone if I had friends whom I didn't have to feign being someone else with. And they'd have to be those almost non-existent people who choose coping instead of denial. Honesty, integrity, and all those things you mentioned, Kelsi, come when one chooses coping over denial.

I think that part is instinctive, too. I have tried and I have never really been able to do it. For most people, the pain or shame goes underground, unknowable and out of control, and the person in denial ends up hurting someone who doesn't deserve it.

And another thing -- Right now is a good time to ask yourself what your limit would be, and how far you would you to go along just to get along. Our own government has become the enemy and it's all downhill from here. Remember in "The Sound of Music," when the boyfriend sold out the family to the Nazis? Some people have no internal decency. If we do get to that point, I know for a fact that my husband and my mother would sell me in a heartbeat, just for a better position in the chow line. I believe that I can trust my siblings and my kids.

double post

Last edited by Postperson on 05 Oct 2008, 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think it's that 'mirroring' thing. NTs need other people to act as social mirrors for them, showing them where they are and who they are by their reactions and responses. I'm fairly oblivious to that stuff, I had to develop a sense of self in isolation, an unmirrored identity.

When NTs don't get their mirror effect from other people they don't know who they are, they can't 'see' themselves.

YES!! ! Who has the disorder now? LOL

That’s interesting. I know when I think of “self” the first thing I think of is my own perception of the world around me. My true self exists solely inside my head. What other people see is not necessarily me. It is but a perception. My inner self is a private thing, though I often feel so alone in this world that the craving to share my perspective grows. Yet common social interaction does not quench this thirst. I feel at a loss for words around people. They all seem to only exist on the surface through their interactions with others, through the ‘role’ they see themselves playing out in front of their peers. What’s underneath is a mystery to me.

Another problem I have is that I find myself having more and more NT type needs the older I get. I rarely felt so lonely as a child as I do now as an adult. I could always find some form of solitary fulfillment. Now that doesn’t do quite enough for me. I don’t need as much interaction as others to form a sense of self, yet I have trouble when I feel like I get zero meaningful attention (besides polite niceties of course). I need something more than zero or I become increasingly lost in my own thoughts to the point where nothing in my mind ever resolves. With zero interaction I can’t really even clarify what I think or believe. I slip into this nihilism and depression that seems to stem indirectly from my loneliness. It isn’t the loneliness itself that causes depression but the complete loss of clarity to my sense of self.

mysterious_misfit Posted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 8:55 am Post subject:

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Everyone, except perhaps the schizoid (a category which overlaps with AS) and sociopaths (a category which doesn't). I believe and can argue both that I don't exist, and that others only exist by the closed web of reference/affirmation described_

Interesting that you claim you developed a sense of self in isolation, Postperson. How do you define and sense this 'self' of yours, may I ask?

I don't really want to get into the philosophy of the self, it goes nowhere, I'm only speaking in laypersons terms. I suppose I meant I developed an identity without the aid of social mirrors.

Last edited by Postperson on 05 Oct 2008, 6:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Postperson wrote:

I guess you have an undefineable (lol) sense of something you call 'self', but logically your way of defining it will likely be different to that of an NT who depends on feedback from others.

Maybe we need more skilled 'philosophers of the self' to work out exactly how we all differ (that's my hope!)

added a small edit there, don't know if it helps any.

I think I know what you mean -We 'auties' do seem to clutch at the straws of our likes and dislikes (which I feel can be picked at random subconsciously like comfort blankets) in order to answer the internal question 'what am I?'- I guess this just wasn't good enough for me

Exactly. We also need almost a whole new language, starting with a buzz word that translates as "It's the Aspie Truth!" as opposed to the standard, convoluted, house-of-mirrors/echo chamber, NT version of "truth." As in: I really thought about it all by myself, did a little soul-searching, damn the consequences...

Seems to me that if this existentialism crisis is endemic to NTs only, what explains the recent rash of "Member Appreciation" threads on the Random Discussion forum? People in there were insulted if someone else didn't start one for them. Seems to me that everyone likes recognition once in a while, even Aspies.

Is this a subtle hint?

I haven't seen the rash (hope it's not contageous)
but I don't mind a little recognition when I do something right.
That doesn't happen much in a world where most people don't know simple right from wrong.