Can someone have great social skills and still have AS?

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I believe the answer is yes, but it's hard work, like learning another language. One will always "talk with an accent" (i.e. make more mistakes, stumble for words, have a limited emotional "vocabulary") and never be as comfortable as a "native speaker."

Couldn't have put it better myself!

Certainly people with AS can have great social skills. I doubt they can have comprehensive social skills though.

I think bunny in the moon and pandd have it. I have some great social skills learned through study and imitation and practice. Decades of practice. But I don't have all the social skills, and never will. For example, I need my husband to guide me through meetings and then afterward tell me what happened. And some of the things he told me I cannot do and then explained why, I still don't understand why I can't.
I bet most NTs don't have every social skill possible either.

I believe that it is possible to have "good" social skills through practice, but "great"? Not as my mind defines the word. If it is not automatic or if it is predefined, I do not call that "great". I can get by and from time to time have really "good" social skills when I really fake it. I can only do this if two of the following apply: for a short period of time; if I am well prepared before hand; if it is people I know; if it is only one or two people. However much I try and fake it, there is still always something "off" about it, and probably will be.

If someone shows me an aspie with "great" social skills, I'll change my mind. As of now, I believe it is not possible... or at least extremely improbable.

I'm really pleased reading this thread, just maks me feel better somehow. My social skills are a bit rubbish as well, in the past I just thought it was because I had a sheltered childhood and live out in the sticks with no neighbours, etc. but then I've met people who grew up similar fashions who are great socialisers.

A while ago (before I learned I *might* have AS) I started looking at my job logically i.e. creating a list of responsibilities and then just putting them in order to help get through the day. Then I had this bright idea about doing the same for my social skills which didn't seem to work, that's when I began to think I was a bit different. People seemed to treat me more like a child sometimes but it was just because I couldn't express myself somehow - if I said things that might seem logical to me it would appear rude to others?

So now I'm trying to learn social skills by observing others, it would be nice if we had some sort of reference or appendix of common social skill to use as a starting point though; maybe these are basic manners?

God sometimes I get depressed thinking about it - in my job I am efficient and get through the day and impress my bosses by getting things done, but it's the social side of things (especially in groups) where I am below par.

Like the tattoo guy explained (sorry forgot your name) when I get a group of new people firing information at me at the same time my brain can't cope somehow and this is holding me back - holding me back from applying for a supervisor position and holding me back from training as a group instructor. It's depressing but maybe I should just rule those things out and work towards some different sort of career goals...?

Anyway, thanks for putting this thread up, makes me feel a little better!

I had no social skills to speach of in school but i choose to use my years in secondary/high school to practice. I messed up a lot than there was a lot of humiliation and ridicule. But each time i picked my self up learned from the experience and tried again. Now i have passable socal skills, I still make mistakes but usualy i can cover with humor. So you can get ok/good social skills if you work at it.

Being diagnosed with AS means you were socially awkward as a child. You tried to engage socially but were lousy at it, didn't catch onto the game, experienced hardships because of this (alpha children are excellent at detecting something is "off" about another child and inform the omega kids).
Being diagnosed with AS while young is a good way to learn the social skills one needs to make life easier later on.
You can learn the social skills but may always seem a little out of tune. Kind of like being glib or a fake.

No.

Please could you elaborate on your answer??

Someone with AS can have empathy - not always expressed the same way - but present .

Someone with AS can have social skills.. awesome social skills.. the big difference is that it is not instinctive

People with ASD learn to compensate for many of the things they find difficult or different throughout their lives. This does not mean they are NT, it means they have learned to fit in ( on the outside ) but remain the same on the inside.

Yes.

Can people with Asperger's Disorder have great social skills?

No.

The better question is, is it possible for people with Asperger's Disorder to appear socially passable at first glance, albeit odd and eccentric?

Yes.

Well put. I've developed an analytic sense that I equate with empathy, but it's still unreliable and requires a lot of information and experience to be useful. But social skills are something that can be taught/learned... even if one still has difficulty recognizing when it is appropriate to respond with them. I've developed several 'tools' that have helped over the years; most are very simple... Asking questions instead of providing answers. Training my voice to improve modulation and clarity. Observation over provocation. Do not rely on expectations of behavior and reason. An element of randomness. Remember to respond to others. I'm atypical in that eye contact does not bother me in most cases - in fact, I've come to rely on it to recognize certain general facial responses that come up when I start to ramble or lose people. Practiced facial expressions. I was a strange kid, I suppose. Long story short, I've learned to adapt, to create a method when one isn't apparent or innate. What works for one may not for another, though...


M.


Spongebob: Well, Patrick, I was going to ask you to go jellyfishing, but I can see you're having an episode.

Patrick: You know what, Spongebob? It's all just fun and games with you, isn't it? Oh, lets go jellyfishing. We don't have any work to do! Life is just a bowl of fancy, assorted cashews. And no one has anything to wash or to clean or to wipe... or FABRICATE!!

Now that I can agree with. As I've already said I tend to blend in well with friends and - after a brief period - new faces. But when, as an example, I go into shops or other places where I don't have any obligation to "mask" my asperger's, I must come across as incredibly eccentric and aloof. I couldn't care less about appearing "normal" or "acceptable" to people who are simply there to serve a purpose and whom I'm never going to speak more than a few words to.

Mind you though, a lot of my friends see me as quite a character. They're impressed by the way I say things that are incredibly inappropriate, by my different perspective on things, and by my ability to help them solve problems in a way they wouldn't have previously been able to do. Not only that, but I'm actually quite popular, having a LOT of associates outside of my close-knit circle of friends. I think the things I've done over the years that were brought on through meltdowns, like lashing out at people and firesetting (just like to point out this is not the sort of behaviour I engage in anymore), actually impress people around my age .

To be fair, that's hardly surprising if you look at some of the antics of British youth at present .

Last edited by bunny-in-the-moon on 07 Oct 2008, 3:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

Well I am very good at empathy but I dont know how to react appropriately to peoples emotions.

Just because someone is sad dosent mean they want a hug for example.

"Give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth." Frequently quote that one.

Last edited by Jenk on 07 Oct 2008, 6:16 am, edited 1 time in total.