Having Babies

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On the one hand, I do think that people should have the choice to have kids regardless of their differences. It would be a bad thing to lose a certain perspective in new generations just because people perceived it to be "abnormal."

However, for myself, besides the whole issue of my not liking invasive contact or hospitals, I would not want to have kids because of the possibility of them spending as much or close to as much time in hospitals as I did. It's one thing to not bend to social pressures. Potentially watching someone suffer immensely and for long periods of time when you know you could've prevented it is different.

I don't think anyone should be encouraged to procreate. But I don't see why anyone should be prevented from doing so if they desired.

Eugenics is a messy, messy game, and almost all credible scientists have acknowledged that they don't know the rules well enough that they want to play this game with human beings as the game pieces.

I don't want a child of mine to have any serious health problems. I don't want to take those chances. However, if a child did have a disability, I would never give up on him or her.

they're forgetting that it's the person's choice to have kids. Not anyone elses's. Non-disabled parents screw up their kids all the time. Why does it change when A disability isinvolved.

Completely agree. Even though personally I don't want to have children, for the very reason that I don't want to pass autism onto them and face them very possibly having to go through what I went/am still going through at the hands of a prejudiced society. That said, if autism was to be phased out by sterilizing autistics, think of all the brilliant minds the world would be missing out on. Not just technological geniuses like Temple Grandin and Bill Gates (assuming he really is Aspie), but people who work actively to promote a different perspective of the world, such as Donna Williams and our own Alex Plank. Autism is not necessarily a curse, even though I can't say it's made my life easy.

I agree with the OP, but I also believe females who absolutely don't want to get pregnant and are terrified of it should have the right to be completely starolized. Instead the doctors might say you have to have at least one kid. In the meantime they give you some pill ore surgery which is 98% effective, so if an accident happens you're unprepared. I don't know why they consider it immoral to feel safe in your own skin. I also have an obvious disability.

I found out I am going to be an uncle, and looking very forward to it.

That's cool. Congratulations!

(I'm an aunt myself and I like that. )

I've heard twice now of acquaintances or distant relatives making the decision to have their adult child sterilized. In both cases, the child was female, attractive, and had the cognitive ability of a toddler. The parents were more concerned with their daughter getting 'taken advantage of'.

I can see the viewpoint of the parents although I am conflicted with the ethics involved. It would be much easier for me to stomach if the child was given the Norplant sticks, which last for years.

I want to get married and have a family someday, But the problem with that is I'm a very picky woman when it comes to relationships (I'd like a guy who understands me, who is friendly, likes kids, can be creative, intelligent and funny and attractive.) I don't go for AS guys b/c I want to avoid all cause for headbutting. So Maybe an NT guys who fits these qualities would do (i know it's wishful thinking but I'm just waiting for mr. right )
As for the kids part, I want them! the problem is I am unsure of my fertility at this point. You see, I was forced into getting sterilized (by my looney NT Father Yeah he and I don't see eye to eye sometimes. You can tell why I would want a husband who is the polar opposite of this man) At this point, I don't know what to do b/c my dad still insists on "helping" me with things (yeah right! Running my life long after I've moved out of the house and dictating how I spend my money isn't helping. It's still running my life! STOP IT!)
My grandmother (my mom's mom, the old man's ex-mother-in-law) says he's a horrible man and now I can see why. Even if I ask him a simple question over the phone he'll cuss at me! My dad doesn't go to a church anymore like he used to when I was a kid. Instead, he and my stepmom will use that time to spend together.
I know I deserve better. Lets hope I receive better when I meet my future husband!

Agreed.

I think in the US it has much less to do with being disabled and more about needing services. We are a capitalistic mentality and as such we hold strongly that each man makes his way. You guys all talk about services like you are entitled to them or like they are some form of natural right. In the wild a disabled animal dies or has a significantly hard life compared to the healthy ones. That is the natural right. We humans have set up a system that is more humane but that system comes at a cost and I hear time and again the attitude from the people on this board that the cost thing is all overrated and that it is no big deal that so many of us are unable to create enough income to live. Not only that but whenever this issue comes up I see people throwing more services at it as an answer. Well where exactly does all this money come from for all these services that we think everyone who cannot work should get? That is the rub here from what I can tell. If you are on the dole and/or otherwise cannot support yourself, then it seems pretty ungrateful and selfish to bring a child into that mix to some people. The thought is that this takes from an already depleted source of services. The people who are busting their humps every single day at jobs they may or may not like to put into the pile so that "services" can exist might not be so happy to see this situation...

As far as I am aware, there is no forced sterilization in the US. However, there is a kind of "soft eugenics" in which varying levels of social pressure are used to discourage certain people from having children.

My older son has Asperger syndrome. After he was diagnosed, our pediatrician tried to get us to see a genetic counselor "to help us decide whether or not we want to have more children". The implication clearly was that our doctor was hoping we would choose not to have another child because of the increased chances of having another child with Aspergers.

I found this to be extremely offensive. This doctor had basically decided that my son's whole life wouuld amount to nothing when (at that time) he had not even started kindergarten. Who is she to decide that my son somehow is of less value to the world?

We did have another son. I'm pretty sure he is not on the autism spectrum, but he does have more autistic traits than most people. However, even if it were 100% certain that my second son would have AS, I would still have chosen to have him. My older son certainly has problems that are frustrating and confusing for all of us, but he is also free from some flaws that seem to afflict nearly all NTs (myself included). I am deeply proud of him and would never want to trade him for a NT child.

(Wow - 3 year bump - good conversation to bump though.)

I'm horrified and saddened that it is LEGAL for a parent to force sterilize their children. I'm so angry I can't even form a coherent rant on this. I'm so sorry your fundamental right to your own body was forcibly taken away. I can't even imagine how I'd feel about this sort of betrayal, especially by those that are supposed to love you the most.

How many teens and 20-somethings have you read posts from on this board talking about their dx's, their therapies and intervention services, and, worst of all their overprotective 'meddling' parents who are terrified to let these kids lives on their own? Those of us who have gone through life without the benefit of a dx or services have learned the hard way how to survive in the real world. some of us are obviously better at it than others. We were expected to live on our own and take care of our own finances and all of the other little details of life. I can't help wondering how many of these kids 'on the dole' are there solely because misguided doctors and overprotective parents have severely underestimated what sort of life is possible, how much can be learned and how productive their kids can be.

I do not think it is a fair assumption that those 'on the dole' are entirely to blame for their predicament. I think we need to look at the entire system and overhaul it - low expectations produces low achievement. Simple as that. It's terrifying that there is an entire generation of Aspies that have been told they are and are treated as 'disabled'. Sure, they have challenges but challenges can be overcome to varying degrees. Maybe we have an entire generation that needed to hear that from the start.

I know, in my county, the mental health services actively seeks out clients. Perhaps it is just a local thing in my area, but people are VERY reluctant to seek out mental health services because of the stigma of mental illness. In order for these folks to keep their funding, they need clients or there will be a good number of mental health professionals out of a job. BUT, the autism intervention services are inundated, under staffed, under funded and struggling to keep up with their case loads. I suggest that perhaps the funding IS there and, as is all too common, is poorly allocated and, in some cases, even wasted on unnecessary underutilized programs. I think the money for more services IS there but that it will take a major, biblical type miracle for the beauracracy to ever make heads or tails of it.

Bottom line, the whole system is broke to some degree. All the blame does not lie on the shoulders of those 'on the dole'. The simple act of providing a living for people makes them part of the system. The system needs to find a way to inspire and support growth and change much the way Clinton did during his term. He actively started getting people off of welfare and back to work. It was done by policing the system and holding it to higher standards, education for people who may have never worked in their life and job support via tax breaks for employers. Incentive. The entire system needs incentive to enact change.

Put the blame where it belongs - spread around to many different factors. I think people on the spectrum already shoulder enough guilt and blame for things that they are not directly responsible for. Emphasising that they are just a burden on society without offering them some solution to change their circumstance almost seems like bullying. If they knew how to change their circumstances, I think many would.

In India there is no diagnosis or any disease like AS.
I was never diagnosed with it...

Anyways i have a tough time with a child
Even at the age of 7 he is passing potty in his pants
I have to keep washing his pants and clean him up

He goes to play out and breaks things today he broke someones car headlight
and since im quite when the parents lambast me i feel terrible and dont
know how to deal with it.

Even in school he doesnt copy down notes from the blackboard
lot of his notes are missing, assignment incomplete
and when i call up other parent they make excuses and avoid

All this gives me tension, stress and aggravates my own issues.
Its tiring time. If you cant handle your own emotion then dont bring a child
into this earth and aggravate your problems...