I don't want to be an Aspie. I want that cure.

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I agree with this guy but I think I learned my lesson the hard way. Basically, we all relate to your problems, and yet for some reason people never want to hear about someones life unless it's positive. Most people seem to say boo-hoo get over it, when all your trying to do is get some comfort from SOMEONE, anyone- it doesn't matter, depending on (yea, I will say it- how desperate you are), and people HATE that, probably more than anything. It's for the most part the only reason why a subject with feelings like this would come up in the first place. Personally, I still can't get over it either, but I'll never bring it up again to save myself the humiliation of dealing with people complaining about me. I have my little ways for boosting my luck, but things still turn out badly in the end with it being unintentially my fault every time, and having nothing to do about it. That happening over and over non stop for an entire lifetime is understandably something to think negatively about.. Unless you find someone to love you no matter what you will pretty much continue to feel sh***y about it. People with positive reactions from people become positive themselves, which explains how a lot of people can bash this guy. How you guys did it I have NO idea, but congradufrikinlations, maybe instead he could have at least used some good pointers for overcoming his dissapointments like the way you apparently have?
In case there was any confusion, I agree with this guy. In my opinion it's no different than telling someone with hiv boo hoo, having aids is worse get over it.

Okay, I didn't see it that way. I'm just overwhelmed because I come here for uplift/support and I see a lot of woe is me. I don't believe that self-pity helps anyone grow past their limitations or learn anything, and I feel that self-acceptance is essential to becoming a happier human being. But I didn't read it as just a cry for comfort, and I probably should have.

I am sorry for coming across as brutal.

Whatever rocks your boat.

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 12 Oct 2008, 4:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This is my mother during her radiation treatments. A month ago she had a double radical mastectomy. She is still undergoing radiation to deal with the cancer that metastised to her lymph nodes and spine. Every day is filled with a kind of pain I wouldn't wish on anyone.

You clearly have no idea what cancer is or what it can do to the body and mind.

I don't know if you are religious, but I'm sending off prayers for your mom, nocternalquilter. I am so sorry to hear about her pain.

These are mostly stereotypes.

I'm aspie, I'm a competent adult, I'm not an outcast (ok, maybe a bit), I've been married for 11 years, I've had three main jobs of 8, 5 and 9 years respectively. Admittedly I don't always behave like an adult - but why would I want to.

In time, you'll learn to use your abilities.

The positive aspects are stereotypes too but as with the negative ones, there's always at least some basis for the establishment of a stereotype.

Thank you very much.

I appreciate the thought.

My parents are very special people- they adopted me even though they knew I was "special".

I am a little bit older than you (32), so I may have a slightly different perspective on this, and I'd like to offer it to you, if that's ok.

I'm not going to try to sell you on why it's good to be AS. You seem to have your mind made up on that. What I will tell you is that, in this very technology based, information based world, if you do indeed have a good memory, unique interests, or a better than average attention span, it will serve you very well. I say this having been a lawyer for about 8 years now, and have found my memory for small facts very helpful in my job. I also have found that I have stronger than average research skills because I'm better at focusing on obscure topics.

I agree with you that AS can be very frustrating. I wish it was easier to do small talk. I'd love to be able to play a sport that involves a ball. I'd love to be a bit more flexible. I'd love to be able to naturally read body language. I'm working on all of these things. You can work on these things. AS doesn't mean you can't do them, it just means it's harder. For example, body language is just a language. You can learn it by closely observing what NT's do and how they react. It takes a lot of work, and you may never be as good at it as an NT, but you can become deft enough to function.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and many NT's have difficulty with things that come easy to people with AS. Everyone also has insecurities and things they wish were different. For example, my wife, a beautiful person inside and out, constantly frets about her weight. She has no reason in the world to feel that way; she's in great shape. But it's just something that she has always been insecure about. And I'll tell you something: she's NT and says she loves me the way I am. Says the things connected to my AS are some of my best qualities.

I really think that as you get older, you will see that people appreciate you for who you are, and I bet you'll meet someone who feels that way about you. Hang in there.

E

What the feck is normal? Who decides that?

That is one of the big problems with society, people have unrealistic expectations of life and look for value in things that hold none and too many people force their own expectations upon others. As for your cancer comment I really hope you did'nt mean that. my step mother is dying of cancer and I sure as hell know she'd rather be in your shoes and take the AS symptoms rather than the pain. The main problems are probably with the world around you rather than yourself, if you can somehow discover and accept that for yourself then you can start to live with it and find your own place, you should never feel you have to do what most other people do or be like them just because they think it's 'the norm'.

Good news, I heard it's easier for aspie women to find men because lot of them accept quirks in women, we are expected to be shy and men are expected to make the first move. So you can try dating sites and start meeting men.

Maybe finding a gathering in your area that meets your interests and join might help. Maybe you will meet people there. I have seen that advice in two books written by two aspies.

You can also try and see what you are doing that is so different and try to change it. Also try and be flexible so that your life gets easier. I learn things little at a time. Like I learned when someone keeps looking at their watch, it means they are in a hurry, they need to be somewhere at a certian time. So at least I know that non verbal cue now after being told it.

About special interests, you can find a job that involves special interest. If autism is your special interest, you can get a job working with autistic children or people.


If you aren't sure about something, do you have anyone you can ask about it like your family?When buying a used car, I heard you should take it to an auto shop to make sure it's in good condition and you aren't looking at a lemon. It would also be a good idea to have the consumer show you the papers after he or she took the car in and had it looked at because they can just say they took the car in and the mechanic guy said everything was fine and you won't even know they are lying.


I don't see how you would be an easy target for prostitution. All you have to do is say no and if the guy tries and forces you to have it, don't go out with him ever again or see him.

PS it seems like lot of women get raped because they are naive too when they meet a guy and you don't know if he is going to try and force you to have it. Us women have to take risks in meeting men or else we would never get in a relationship.

If you want to behave like an adult, can you ask people how to behave like one?

Not prostitution, rape. It's so easy for anyone to take advantage of me. Because I can't recognize that this guy is up to something.

Always meet in public places.
Tell him it's a rule from your parents or something, that they are really strict. Most of us parents will happily make such a rule if it makes our kids feel safer dating.

Believe me when I say that gets better. I've said before that when I was 18 or 19, the publishers of the dictionary should've stuck my picture under the word gullible. If one of my friends told me that the world was coming to an end next week, then I'd believe it. If a guy was nice to me, I would never suspect he was up to anything not nice. As time goes on, you will start to become more and more aware of these things without losing your special talents.

LOL.


If someone said that to me, I would ask them "why?" and how do they know.

I can relate to it sometimes, I hate being the outcast but it was much worse for me when I was younger. These days I am honestly too busy to really care about chit chatting with other women about nonsense things. And as far as employment goes... this is why I am involved in my own businesses... you have skills, you just need to search within and you can put them to good use. Believe me, I found a way and I am grateful. It won't happen overnight but you have potential to do great things... and as far as "NT"s are concerned, believe me, they DON'T have wonderful lives. Most of the ones that I know are miserable! When I was younger I wished I was like everyone else.. and I had other challenges too, not just autism. But today, I say '**** it".. they are who they are and I am who I am. If they don't accept me, its their problem, not mine. You have the potential to do something great, you need to look within and I believe you can.

Of course, if they looked like David Tennant, I'd just take their word for it and run (or do whatever I was told).


Be cautious but not to the point of becoming paranoid.