Female Aspies? a different presentation?

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I find this one comment funny, since it's my impression that far too many women in movies are the opposite. Women who kick butt are in fashion right now. What's more, women who can take their clothes off for the camera and make out with some guy the boss hired without having a meltdown (not as easy as it looks) are first in line for film roles. I personally don't care how androgynous or stereotypically feminine women are in real life, but it's my impression that most women in real life are stereotypically feminine nice girls (otherwise, where would the stereotype come from?) and women in film are disportionately androgynous and tough. Of course, compared to us, they may seem pretty normal.

Most women do seem to fit the stereotype to some degree, but most=about 2/3, not 99%.

Hmmmm....maybe this just means that you and I are watching different movies???

Now that you mention it, I guess there are some movies with "butt-kicking" women; it seems to be one extreme or the other. I wouldn´t necessarily say that they´re in fashion right now, because in life, people don´t seem to admire these traits in women...(at least, in the past, if I´ve acted in a way that people think of as "too strong", I´ve certainly been criticized for it).

I don´t find that women in life fit that feminine stereotype all that much, but then again, maybe my friends and family (including myself) happen to be more androgynous.

Sex was the main way I learned how to establish empathy w/individuals. I have no problem communicating w/someone I've had sex with more than a couple of times. The danger is that they then thought I was more capable than I really am. And some of them never let go. I wasn't one for falling in love. I am still more emotionally connected to ideas and intellectual bonds than to sex and/or romances. Men get too attached very quickly; irrationally. They use different pathways in their brains to process sex & romance.



LOL. Same here.



Mostly true 4 me too.



Very naive & VERY gullible. But didn't pay attention to the promises of guys. I really didn't care if they loved me or not, or if they stayed or left.



Learned a lot from literature. Read all of Shakespeare by the time I was 13 or so. Had odd speech, like a 19th century novelist (e.g. Victor Hugo).



I'm still very concerned with the protection of the vulnerable. I won't kill a fly. If I can't catch it by hand and put it outside, it gets to live out its short life as my guest. Same with other bugs that get in, with a few notable exceptions. I'm outraged by predators and abuse and especially discriminatory abuse.

Okay, I´ve been thinking about it, and realized this is a question that I´d really like to ask. Because this is a combination of 2 of my big "special interest" subjects- AS and spirituality/mysticism- as well as possibly my own identity- I wanted to ask: have any of you women experienced anything "out of the ordinary"? Like precognitive dreams, bizarre hunches that turned out to be true, or "seeing" into somebody, perceiving what others couldn´t? I´m really curious...

Wow, that´s pretty interesting; I´m not that way at all, I think I´m totally the opposite! I actually wish I were more like you guys in this respect, as that would probably make it easier for me to connect with men (maybe?). I have a hard time connecting with people through sex; to me, sex feels like a social situation just like any other (though I know it isn´t exactly...can´t explain it)- but all the fears of doing the wrong thing, of being thought "weird" or being laughed at are still there regarding sex; in fact, it may be worse! I only feel comfortable having sex with someone I feel socially comfortable with, and who I know is not going to criticize or make fun of me- I realize how thoroughly stupid that sounds coming from a woman my age, lol! But I guess maybe I just never got over situations from my past, and various reactions from men...grim...I also have a sensory problem with touch, HATE to be touched by strangers, but it´s fine if I feel something emotional for the person; so maybe that´s a big reason I can´t use sex in this way.

I also tend to be more emotionally connected to ideas and the cerebral; I have a very hard time really feeling connected to men, because it all seems so superficial to me...and people are obsessed with beauty anyway. I agree that men get attached too quickly and irrationally; and then if you don´t act the same way, they get mean, criticize and lash out! I think for too many years I was so clueless about what was really going on, that I took too many comments too literally and too personally, internalizing them....now I´ve got a mess to fix up in my psyche...

I do prefer action flicks. Normally I don't get much out of chick flicks, unless they're teen coming of age flicks, but check out the original version of The Women for an exception. An entire film without any males (even all the animals are female). But of course they're all obsessing over men.

My own family was fairly androgynous, but if you pay attention to women in public, on the bus, at the mall, at the grocery store, most of them seem pretty conventionally feminine (all those strollers). My impression is that in real life, normal women are preferred, but in film, androgynous women are preferred. Also, in professional circles (upper classes) and in the arts in general, androgynous women are probably also preferred. We can't win.

I am trying not to think about how vulnerable I was to males in my teens and 20s. Everyone told me "have sex and like it" not "don't have sex unless you like it". I had no idea it was something that came from inside until I was 29 or 30, at which time I stopped dating, and started holding out for someone who actually liked me. I can't use sex as a way to get close to someone because I can't have sex - it's either impossible or hurts too much. I think it needs to be very personal, with a soul mate, or not at all. The things we learn the hard way.

On the other hand, I am a natural born mystic. I had a full blown mystical experience when I was 8, and have been half-into mystical land ever since. I don't know about being psychic - how are you supposed to tell, without theme music or feedback? I did have one experience of the Sight at about the same age, and it frightened me, so I think I shut it out. I do think I'm pretty sensitive (is that Sensitive?) to people, as well, perhaps to the point of being psychic.

Wow, wish I hadn't missed checking for replies. I didn't see it. Replying now.

I suppose I should worry that someone might think I'm a slut or something, the way I talk about sex. In reality, I don't care what people think, which makes me constantly say uncomfortable things. That same indifference to what people think makes me fairly amoral about sex in some ways. To me, sex is not an ethical or moral issue in itself, probably because it is a form of social behavior and I didn't have many social ideas until a couple of years ago when social cognitive function and social behavior became a "special interest". I think part of the reason I'm amoral about sex is that I'm so ethical about other things: I can't lie, cheat or cover up. It would not only never occur to me to use sex to manipulate someone, get ahead on the job, or get something out of someone, but it would really upset me as a dishonesty thing. So I would use sex to get things or hurt someone. I guess I'm one of those Asperger people who are not asexual, and since I'm so ethical in other ways, the notion of sex being socially "good" or "bad" never entered my thoughtspace. But all my relationships were honest, activity based ones -- guys I go fishing with, worked with, went to school with, or did things with. They were already in my boundaries for other reasons. I knew girls who went on dates and met guys for romantic purposes without first being friends or coworkers. I can't see how they do that... seems unhealthy to me.

In retrospect, after spending a couple of years with social behavior and social thought as a "special interest", it now occurs to me that the only reason these guys were "friends" and "buddies" is that they were sexually interested in me. I didn't seek them out. So these were guys who went after me. So in that sense, I wouldn't have had friends and activity buddies, probably, if it were not for the fact that I was attractive, and so sex has enabled me to learn to develop social skills by arranging for me to have a stream of people who went out of their way to be friends with me and be nice to me!



Oh, me too. I fall in love with ideas and learning. I loved my professors, passionately. That's what caused a lot of the sexual harassment, because I was misunderstood to have sexual motives. I could never have sex with a professor on account of the ethical problems that sets up, and the violation of the student-professor trust.



Me too, from the sexual harassment problems with my professors. Sorry to hear that. It sounds as if you are working intuitively on these things, tho.

Wow, interesting post! I had a similar experience, that people said "have sex and like it", only in my case I just kept wondering, why did I not feel like having sex? I seriously thought there was something wrong with me. I finally got tired of being a virgin though, so I eventually just took a man, any man, that first time. Big mistake; bad sex, bad relationship, and the whole thing was kind of psychologically traumatic, so I needed to sort out all that stuff. Actually, another reason why I don´t like to have sex too quickly is that I am notoriously bad at figuring people out, (especially men), so I´ve made some wrong choices in my life. I used to be gullible, and I didn´t realize dating was such a shark´s pit....yes, we do learn the hard way! My problem now is probably that I am too suspicious.

I have also had mystical experiences. Most often, they come in the form of precognitive dreams. I have also experienced visions; these seemed to occur more often when I was younger though. I sometimes have strange "hunches" about people, which turn out to be true. The thing is, I can´t seem to control any of these experiences or bring them on at will; either they happen or they don´t. I´m not sure what it is that brings them on.

One of my most intense mystical experiences happened at the age of 21. I was reading a book on American Indian spirituality, and I had gotten to a chapter on Power Animals. That night, while dreaming, it was related to me that my Power Animal was the whale, and I suddenly found my consciousness in a whale´s body, which was pretty cool. After I awoke- later that day- I was held up at gunpoint in a New York subway. My whale came to me, as a vision, and basically talked me through the whole experience! i.e.: "give him the money now"...."don´t do what he wants you to"..."run away NOW". I was very calm- (the fear only came later), and I feel that this mystical experience maybe saved my life...at least, the outcome may have been much worse for me. I´ve had several of these types of experiences. I would be curious to know how many other women do?

oh, in that case I can totally understand having sex, if it´s men you hang out with, know and like! In fact, I´m envious; my problem is that men don´t seem to want to be friends with me. Either they desire me romantically, in which case they want to skip through all the friendship part, or they don´t want to have anything to do with me! I agree with you, getting romantically involved without being friends first feels wrong and unhealthy to me. However, it must work fine for NTs, because in my experience, at least, that seems to be the standard way of doing things! People seem to expect that. I find it all very difficult actually, I feel like everyone is going all in the same direction, and I´m going "against the traffic".

I also don´t make "ethical" judgments about sex, so don´t worry. It´s a natural function. I think I, too, have sometimes brought it up and talked about it in situations where it was not "socially acceptable"....oh well.

In the NT world they say 'never date your friends' but I find that I have to first get to know someone over a long period of time before I date them.
I also broke a few other NT dating rules: don't date your friends ex (especially if they did 'use your friend) and don't have long distance relationships.
Does anyone else even listen to these rules?
I like a guy a lot but my ex hates him and his housemate used to be unofficially dating him.

I'm the opposite. My social skills never got any better after sex.

I totally buy this. I've been working on why I pick up the mental problems of people around me. I've gotten to the point where I've identified that what I have is probably a developmentally unusual variation of social echolalia. I have cognitive echolalia -- I pick up the thoughtspaces and thought behaviors of other people around me with whom I've had a lot of the right kind of contact, I internalize and mirror them, and on a couple of occasions I've developed internal representations of their mental problems.

On one occasion, after just a couple of contacts with someone, I developed a great fear of that person and got into a lot of trouble trying to raise the alarm about him. He turned out to be a closet sociopath and landed in prison eventually for preying on boys sexually and extortion. This was a senior university administrative official, both at the time I met him and he still was one when he was arrested years later.

I do "see" things about people more and more as I get older. I believe my cognitive echolalia is getting more sensitive and turning into sociopath radar, among other things.

It sounds to me as if you not only have some kind of empathy or intuitive connection to the minds of others, but you may have an elaborate associative system. IMO, flashes of intuition in an Asperger female are just expressions of complex systems that we process at a preverbal level ("subconsciously"). I think a lot of my best Asperger thinking is "subconscious".

Part of being a tomboy. Some female Aspergers are.



Well, NTs end up in so many deluded and pointless romantic relationships, despite their great social skills. Maybe that's why.

Funny...I was just wondering today if women with AS who are "tomboyish" have better luck with relationships...or, if they at least have more of them. I think my problem is that I never really learned how to talk to a man. I think...when I was younger...I would make those social faux pas around men, where I would say something that would insult their masculinity (completely without intending to). Nowadays, I keep pretty quiet around them, I feel like I´m walking on eggshells. Just don´t know what to talk about either...much of the time...

I would describe myself as rather androgynous, and my closest friends are almost all gay! (I´m not though- sometimes I almost wish I were!) Hmmmm...

I don´t listen to these "rules", because I guess I didn´t even know about them! Ha ha!

That's odd, because in PSHE (Personal and Social, Health Education) the teachers suggested that we do just that for relationship "stability".

All jokes aside, I have known "normal" people who have been friends for several years with shared interests then become boyfriend and girlfriend, so it can happen!

They said that it was better to take things slowly than to rush into things recklessly.